Stitches, Mash and Then Some…
Full disclosure upfront: I was the cause of this Very Worst Date.
The subject was a charming guy who I liked tremendously. On a warm summer evening, he picked me up wearing a nice silk tropical shirt. We went to an Irish pub, settled into a high-backed boot and ordered our dinner. I opted for a beer and bangers and mash. Then we began chatting and continued to natter on even after the food arrived.
He happened to say something hilarious while I was in midst of chewing of a large helping of mash potatoes and gravy. I wanted to laugh but instead did a hybrid laugh-cough thing that resulted in me spraying gravy and potatoes on his face and shirt. How embarrassing! I took a sip of beer to calm my cough but to no avail. The bubbles in the brew actually triggered another coughing fit. And then there was a repeat incident: I spat beer at him.
The sight of him starting at me in horror with food and beer on his face and shirt was so awful and so utterly comical that I could not help but laugh hysterically. Until I cried. This continued even as he cleaned up and said quietly that it was not funny.
“How could you do that twice?” he asked.
That set me off in hysterics again. He was stonily silent as he took me home. Fortunately, he forgave me and we are now married. He sometimes mentions how much he loved that shirt, which was stained beyond repair after that fateful night. He still maintains it was NOT funny every time the tale is told. Every time, I laugh and laugh.
