Pricing it Spicy

thai-food-web-31

After a few drinks with a co-worker at a pizza joint and numerous games of pool, I decided to give my number to a guy we were playing against. I’ll call him “Steve.” I’d just broken up with someone and wanted to make my first foray back into the dating world. 

The next day he called me up to gush about how much fun he had and how he was excited to take me out. We made plans to go for dinner later in the week. He left it up to me to pick the place. I asked if he liked ethnic food and after being assured that he did, I chose a little Thai place with great reviews.

We decided to meet and take the bus together to the restaurant. Steve didn’t drive. It was -25F. I grabbed a cab and told Steve to jump in at our designated meeting place. He made a feeble attempt to pay for it when we got to the restaurant. Needless to say, I was the one shelled out the cash. 

After we took our seats, the waiter asked if we would like drinks. As I scanned the wine list, Steve said “Uh, uh well water’s fine with ME.” I was peeved and felt like I had to get water too. Steve then went over the prices on the menu and told me he really wasn’t “that hungry.” He also didn’t like anything too spicy, which was tough since we were in a Thai restaurant. 

When the bill came (no coffee or dessert), it sat there for 20 minutes until I picked it up and asked if he’d like to split it. He jumped on the offer stating: “Yah, yah, if that’s what you wanna do!” I paid my half AND left the tip.

I called two cabs and made an excuse that I had other plans nearby. We walked out and a cab pulled up and Steve jumped in. I was left standing downtown in the freezing weather alone. When I didn’t return his texts or calls after that lovely evening, Steve got mad and texted that I “was no prize anyways.”

Comments (13)
LauraJune 9th, 2009 at 7:54 pm

Isn’t the rule these days that the person who does the asking out does the paying? Since you gave him your number first, technically you did the asking. Perhaps he didn’t order a drink because he assumed you were paying and felt uncomfortable racking up the bill.

If the conversation had been good and I’d fun, I’d have given it another shot!

MichaelJune 10th, 2009 at 9:27 am

That is the general rule. But at the same time, it’s good policy for the guy to pay during the first date. Next!

CanaduckJune 10th, 2009 at 7:36 pm

LauraJune–it’s a little hard to tell, but the fact that she gave him her number made me think that he ASKED for it. Not sure, though.

AlliJune 11th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

It is tricky to know, I usually prefer to split the bill until I get to know someone, and once things solidify then I like to take turns paying.

If someone expected me to pay on a first date then I would be a little turned off, but if there was chemistry then I would probably give him another chance.

JenJune 12th, 2009 at 3:31 am

Dunno, peeved because he ordered water? That’s kinda silly.

I hate the rule that guys are expected to pay it all on the first date. Don’t know how expensive the restaurant was, but might have been out of his price range. And he’s not the one who chose to grab the cab, either.

*shrugs*

EmmaJune 14th, 2009 at 8:52 am

First, since you got the cab it makes sense you pay for it. And why is it that so many girls can’t be bothered to pay their half on at least the first date. Although I do think that the guy should at least Offer to pay, just to be polite.

TTZJune 16th, 2009 at 2:02 pm

ok women…lets get something straight. men who clearly are not making an effort should not be given a get out of jail free card just because girls can rationalize anything. Anyone (guy or girl) that’s worth dating is worth the effort of nailing down logistics and doing the little things that give night its best chance to stand out. And by “stand out,” i dont mean the red carpet baller date that none of us can afford. I mean simple basics like making sure she is comfortable, safe and happy when she’s with you–its not complicated. So to that end, when a guy sits down a with a girl and she clearly wants a cocktail, he damn well better follow suit with at least a beer and tell her she looks the shit. And as the guy, you double damn well better make sure that if you are short on cash, that you engineer a night that puts you exclusively in places you can afford, cause nothing says “you are a dime a dozen” like being ushered to a bus stop on a first date.

PolishKnightJuly 7th, 2009 at 1:39 pm

This article seems to follow a similar repeated theme: Modern woman goes out, man doesn’t lots of money, she puts out a few bucks, and leaves disgusted.

There’s an old saying: The golden rule is that he has the gold, makes the rules. When I accepted that I, as the man, was still held to 1950′s rules that the man has to pay then I stopped feelling guilty about my own sexism. I’m honestly a 5 out of 10. I refused to date less than 8′s. And why not? There are far more attractive women out there than 30 something guys with money (especially in this economy) and if I was a jerk, I didn’t apologize for it.

Judge not, lest ye be judged.

airica angelJuly 31st, 2009 at 12:10 pm

polish, i’m completely in agreement with the idea that you pay the cost to be the boss. my man brings home the bacon, and i’m happy to cook it up.

HOWEVER- that has nothing to do with what was actually wrong with this date. it has to do with how utterly rude this man was.

rude, is being asked where you would like to go, leaving the choice to the person you’re going with, and then being upset/critical because you don’t like what they chose.

rude, is leaving ANYONE standing in the freezing cold, man OR woman. i have had to taxi to dates, and had my date flag a taxi for me. being cold, i have insisted that he join me, even if we are going separate ways, and paid my fare home first. why? because it’s POLITE. not because it’s pc.

rude, is asking someone on a date, and not making it clear that you intend to go dutch or not pay. it would be just as rude for a woman to go on a date and automatically pick up the check, as it would be for a man to sit there and stare at it.

as far as you being a 5 and refusing to date less than 8′s- obviously not working for you, or you wouldn’t still be dating, you’d be married. umm… you probably wouldn’t be on a ‘worst dates’ site either. i’m willing to bet those 8′s drop you when they find 8′s and higher with more money than you. if in fact they would even bother to date such a revolting person. i’ve dumped “tens” for “twos” because the “two” was honestly a better person than the “ten”. looks are great, but it’s substance that separates art from scribbling.

judge not, lest ye be judged? are you really quoting the bible? you judge people based on looks and live your life ruled by income. vanity and greed are sins. take your own advice.

laura, you are a doormat. if you believe that giving a man your number is equivalent to asking him out on a date, you probably also assume if a man pays for your dinner he pays for your body.

SimonJanuary 18th, 2010 at 4:30 am

What a loser, dont go on dates with guys who dont have a car! human resources HR Jobs, vacancies and positions in the UK, Part of the One Job Group

RyanFebruary 19th, 2010 at 9:20 pm

1st date: If the man offered, he pays, otherwise the first few dates should be split.
Also he sounds like a real catch with loads of Chivalry. But then again, no car is a bad sign.

JayApril 15th, 2010 at 2:48 pm

In some cities, a lot of people don’t have cars. In NYC it can be real expensive to have and maintain one in some areas. I live in the country and have a truck and a car, but if I lived in town, I’d consider having neither.

PoposJuly 9th, 2010 at 6:40 am

You actually used the words “Ethnic Food”? No wonder he tried to get rid of you.

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