The Ex Factor

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I met T at a going away party for a friend of mine. He was quiet and reserved, had a daughter and an ex-wife, but since we had a friend in common I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt when he asked me to dinner. We met at a great seafood restaurant. As the date took about two weeks to schedule he thanked me for “finally” fitting him into my busy schedule. Since he traveled for work and had a daughter I told him I thought that was a little unfair.

During dinner he revealed to me that his daughter goes to a Christian school where they brainwash her. His ex-wife used to tell him he was going to hell for not being Christian. Religion and his ex were all we talked about for 30 minutes. As we left, he asked me if I wanted to take a walk on the beach. I needed to sober up a little so I said yes. On the walk he said that his ex-wife has called the cops and pressed charges against him so many times that the cops just go through the motions.

“If we ran into my ex-wife and you knocked her down and stepped on her throat it would be okay with me,” he said.

I struggled to maintain a calm expression as I told him I was not a violent person. He asked me if I had any exes that he should know about. Sadly this was the first time he showed any interest in my life. When we reached the parking lot I thanked him for dinner, he hugged me and asked me if we could do this again, “several more times.” I fled to my car.

August 3rd, 2009 in Just Plain Pathetic, Problematic Point of No Return, Why Didn't I Say Something?, WTF?

Comments (8)

LisaAugust 4th, 2009 at 6:19 am

Okay, it’s clearly too soon for this guy to be dating, as he’s still obsessed with the details of his failed marriage.

But, our storyteller strikes me as a bit humorless & obtuse: when the dude thanked her for “finally” fitting the date into her schedule, she might have seen it as a compliment instead of getting all defensive.

The business about stepping on his ex-wife’s throat sounds as if it was said in goofy jest only to illustrate his hostility toward his ex– NOT as encouragement for his date to carry out the assault.

I dunno, this guy sounds as if he might have a dry sense of humor which the female date took way too literally.

MiiiiiAugust 4th, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Maybe she can give you his contact and you can date him.

The DaterAugust 5th, 2009 at 9:28 am

Um, I’m the dater. I’ve NEVER been told I have no sense of humor! I’m typically funny and laid back. This dude spoke of his ex-wife in the most hostile manner I’ve ever heard. He referenced her as a “black cloud that follows me everywhere that I will never be rid of.” He used the word “poison” repeatedly. He wasn’t trying to be funny. When I told him I didn’t think we should date because he isn’t ready, he actually apologized for the throat comment, and said as soon as he said it, he knew he went too far. He still asked me out again, hoping I would help him get over his ex. (He actually said he wanted me to help him get over her, and to remind him that he can be a good man.) I said no. I would be HAPPY to send him your way if you want him!

Miss PenelopeAugust 8th, 2009 at 12:30 am

it sounds like this guy has ISSUES! maybe he’ll be better somewhere down the line but clearly he should not be dating at this point.

ChellAugust 8th, 2009 at 9:15 pm

I love he basically asked you to be his rebound! Oh goody goody, can I please?! Haha, what an ass!

PersAugust 10th, 2009 at 5:32 am

This is to ‘the dater’ above – I can’t believe he asked you to be his ‘crutch’ to help him ‘get over his wife’ and show him how to be a good man. Ugh. Like it’s every woman’s job to clean up after a pathetic guy like this one is. Gross. Gave me the shivers.

DixSeptember 25th, 2009 at 2:13 pm

I think I talked to this guy on OK Cupid. Or somebody just like him, at least. It started out OK and then he got all morose and whiny, and I think he finally realized he’d kvetched too much about his ex and stopped emailing me. Whew.