Checking Out

Your town has exactly ONE bar, and it’s a strip bar? Hard to believe.

What’s the world coming to when first dates consist of visits to strip bars, and beer in a field?

Have a little self-respect, young women! It’s highly unlikely that any guy who proposes a visit to a strip joint & drinking-for-the-sole-purpose-of–getting-drunk is gonna turn out to be “Mr. Right”.

How many worst-dates could be avoided if young girls’ barometers of what’s “appropriate” weren’t so miserably f*cked-up by modern morality? Since the 1960′s, women have been badgered into behaving like virtual slatterns, lest they be considered “too uptight”.

(I don’t mean to come down too harshly on YOU, poster.

When I was in my twenties– way way back in the 1990′s– I was similarly clueless when it came to relations between the sexes. I learned the hard way that “anything goes” ain’t a sound method of screening dates. There’s good REASON why there was much more formality in the courting customs of pre-sexual revolution yesteryear, and young girls were encouraged to behave modestly. Because formality and good-manners are ACTUALLY BENEFICIAL to inexperienced young women, when it comes to choosing potential mates!)

If you were creeped out, you shouldn’t have gone. The creepy feeling is there for a reason. You’re lucky that nothing bad happened. Even if people know where you are, something bad can still happen to you when you’re alone with a virtual stranger. The whole drinking in a farmer’s field thing bothers me because a) it’s not safe to be alone with a stranger where nobody can see/hear/get to you immediately, b) he sounds like a cheap-ass, and that’s not cool, c) a “date” with you sounded like his Plan B. Do you really want to go on a date with somebody who only wanted to socialize with you because he couldn’t drink and watch naked people?

But I’m hoping you’ve learned better since then, so you can stay safe and so you don’t waste your time with classless losers.

Lisa, I think it’s less about formality and good-manners and more about learning to trust your gut instincts. The poster ignored her gut, and that’s how she ended up on that date. No amount of good manners could prepare her for an idiot with none. Also, don’t kid yourself…. there are towns small enough to only have one bar that is a strip bar too. Ever been in NW America? Shoot, just drive down to Louisiana, and you will find that the small town has nothing, not even liquor.

The poster should learn to follow her gut instinct. Everyone should.

My point about “formality” is that the culture has gotten so loose that young women barely flinch when a guy suggests that he take her to a strip bar. Fifty years ago, the average girl would slap a man in the face if he suggested such a first date.

And, I didn’t mean to imply that the poster displayed bad manners– I meant that young women should expect (nay— demand!) a certain amount of respectful ‘courtliness’ from men.

I applaud you Lisa, thank you for your post. I have saved it onto my desktop to ensure I can refer back to it in the future. I feel like you captured the issue so well…young women (myself included!) have had no guidance on what’s appropriate or not and lack the self-respect or assertiveness to demand to be treated appropriately.

Good post, Lisa.