Checking Out
When I was 19, I had already become fed up with lousy dates. During the summer in between college terms I was staying at my parents’ place in the small town I grew up in and working at a local hotel.
After checking in a decent looking guy named Will he continuously came down to the front desk asking for things or wondering what there was to do in town. The third or fourth time he came down he asked me out. I was hesitant because I had never really dated people who were complete strangers, but I thought it was time to try something new. For all I knew he could have been Mr. Right.
So one night after work I went back to the hotel to pick him up since he didn’t have a car. He decided he wanted to go to the one bar in town (which just so happens to be a strip bar, classy I know). Since it was a Monday and extremely early in the night no one was there. He ended up buying a case of beer so that we could drink it elsewhere. His idea was in the middle of a farmer’s field out of town. Slightly creeped out, I kept my phone near by and went along with it since numerous people knew where I was anyways.
But the he criticized me for taking my cell with me on a date, told me he wasn’t wearing any underwear under his jeans, asked me if the music I played in my car was chosen specifically to turn him on and finally suggested we make out in a tractor. That ended it for me.
I took him back to the hotel where before he got out of the car he turned to me and said, “Say please.”
Completely confused I asked, “Why?”
“Say, ‘Please kiss me Will,’” he said.
I took off as fast as I could and later in the week got a voicemail from him asking me to drive him to various places around town. I later saw him at a party dancing in the corner by himself grinding on the wall.
I avoided random dates for a long time after that!
Your town has exactly ONE bar, and it’s a strip bar? Hard to believe.
What’s the world coming to when first dates consist of visits to strip bars, and beer in a field?
Have a little self-respect, young women! It’s highly unlikely that any guy who proposes a visit to a strip joint & drinking-for-the-sole-purpose-of–getting-drunk is gonna turn out to be “Mr. Right”.
How many worst-dates could be avoided if young girls’ barometers of what’s “appropriate” weren’t so miserably f*cked-up by modern morality? Since the 1960’s, women have been badgered into behaving like virtual slatterns, lest they be considered “too uptight”.
(I don’t mean to come down too harshly on YOU, poster.
When I was in my twenties– way way back in the 1990’s– I was similarly clueless when it came to relations between the sexes. I learned the hard way that “anything goes” ain’t a sound method of screening dates. There’s good REASON why there was much more formality in the courting customs of pre-sexual revolution yesteryear, and young girls were encouraged to behave modestly. Because formality and good-manners are ACTUALLY BENEFICIAL to inexperienced young women, when it comes to choosing potential mates!)
If you were creeped out, you shouldn’t have gone. The creepy feeling is there for a reason. You’re lucky that nothing bad happened. Even if people know where you are, something bad can still happen to you when you’re alone with a virtual stranger. The whole drinking in a farmer’s field thing bothers me because a) it’s not safe to be alone with a stranger where nobody can see/hear/get to you immediately, b) he sounds like a cheap-ass, and that’s not cool, c) a “date” with you sounded like his Plan B. Do you really want to go on a date with somebody who only wanted to socialize with you because he couldn’t drink and watch naked people?
But I’m hoping you’ve learned better since then, so you can stay safe and so you don’t waste your time with classless losers.
Lisa, I think it’s less about formality and good-manners and more about learning to trust your gut instincts. The poster ignored her gut, and that’s how she ended up on that date. No amount of good manners could prepare her for an idiot with none. Also, don’t kid yourself…. there are towns small enough to only have one bar that is a strip bar too. Ever been in NW America? Shoot, just drive down to Louisiana, and you will find that the small town has nothing, not even liquor.
The poster should learn to follow her gut instinct. Everyone should.
My point about “formality” is that the culture has gotten so loose that young women barely flinch when a guy suggests that he take her to a strip bar. Fifty years ago, the average girl would slap a man in the face if he suggested such a first date.
And, I didn’t mean to imply that the poster displayed bad manners– I meant that young women should expect (nay— demand!) a certain amount of respectful ‘courtliness’ from men.
I applaud you Lisa, thank you for your post. I have saved it onto my desktop to ensure I can refer back to it in the future. I feel like you captured the issue so well…young women (myself included!) have had no guidance on what’s appropriate or not and lack the self-respect or assertiveness to demand to be treated appropriately.