Feeling Blue

40-year-old_virgin

I had met this guy at bar and after chatting with him and his friends for awhile, they invited me back to his apartment to after party. Once there, he continually apologized for the mess and promised to have it cleaned up next time I came over. Ultimately, he officially asked me out and I agreed to meet him at this place at the appointed day and time.

Upon arriving and deciding where to go to dinner, he asks, “Did you ever see the movie 40 Year Old Virgin?”

I said that I had and he replied, “You know that part where the girl asks him to blow in to the tube on her car? Yeah so, could you drive?”

Throughout dinner, he kept mentioning the fact that he had cleaned his apartment up for me. After dinner, he said he wanted to call a friend real quick. Clearly I was confused, but I was trying to roll with it. He made his phone call and shortly an older gentleman arrived. Turned out this gentleman was both his ex’s father and a drug dealer. Twenty minutes and an incredibly awkward conversation later, he made his deal right there on the patio of the restaurant and we left.

We finally returned to his house and against my better judgment I agreed to stay for a bit and watch a movie. I sat down on the couch and leaned back against the corner throw pillow. Immediately I realized there was something hard beneath the pillow, so I lifted it to remove whatever it was. Just as my hand was about to reach the object I froze. Laying there on the couch, hidden beneath the pillow was a big, blue vibrator.

As I stared at him, utterly dumbfounded, he asked, “So you probably want to leave now, huh?”

November 9th, 2009 in Just Plain Pathetic, Problematic Point of No Return, Why Didn't I Say Something?

Comments (13)

SpankyNovember 9th, 2009 at 9:41 am

I love strange people. They help make great stories LOL!!

MichelleNovember 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am

Thank GOD you didn’t touch it! Boys are no so good at cleaning up right after….EWWW!

jpNovember 9th, 2009 at 3:14 pm

Don’t leave us hanging here, what happened next?

LiLiNovember 9th, 2009 at 5:46 pm

This entire date is so confusing! So he was an alcoholic, a druggie and a homosexual? I feel like details are missing here.

crisNovember 10th, 2009 at 12:19 pm

Just because there was a vibrator in his apartment, it doesn’t mean he was a homosexual

LOOOL this date. A+!

AshlieNovember 10th, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Umm did you really expect anything better??? First you say you met him and his friends and went with them to an after party. Doesn’t sound very safe but whatever! Then you actually went back to his place after he did a drug deal in fron of you?!?!? REALLY? And you want people to feel sorry for you when the date turned into a disaster? You are the one who went back to his place after a few too many red flags! Hope you learned your lesson….

Frau BlucherNovember 11th, 2009 at 1:10 am

ewwww….and he probably wonders why he doesn’t get girls.

MarmurNovember 11th, 2009 at 3:34 pm

Ashlie…
I don’t see where she implies or asks people to feel sorry for her. Maybe I missed it.

ladyDecember 3rd, 2009 at 11:34 am

Ashlie…
I’ve had lots of good dates that included a drug deal interlude. And drug deals that turned into dates!

KathDecember 3rd, 2009 at 9:33 pm

Ashlie, she was telling a story about a bad date. Where did she state that she wanted our pity and sympathy?

Reading comprehension FAIL.

RoxiDecember 11th, 2009 at 2:02 pm

You’re right – I did omit some details…was trying to keep it PG. No, he wasn’t gay…his justification for the presence for the vibrator was “I like the way it feels on my balls.” Seriously.

Also, thanks ya’ll…you’re absolutely right – no pity sought or wanted. I think it’s hysterical and wanted to share. Hope some of you got a giggle out of it.