My Very Worst TMI Date

shh

I met a cute girl on a lesbian dating site. Pretty quickly, we decided we were going to get to know each other over dinner instead of going through a month of emailing back and forth with the standard questions. She picked me up, put on some awesome 1970s girl punk music, and took me out to one of my favorite Middle Eastern restaurants. Not only was she attractive, she was also interesting to talk to. We started telling each other about our lives, and naturally began to discuss work. She had a job at a family planning organization and loved it. I asked what she did and she proceeded to tell me how it was her job to examine all the aborted fetuses to see how far along they were in their development. She then detailed the five abortions she’d personally had. I’m pro-choice, but it was creepy how “into” abortion she was. It seemed totally irresponsible and disturbing that anyone would put themselves in such (multiple) situations and then think it’s a minor thing that can be casually mention on a first date! Needless to say, we didn’t go on a second date.

November 16th, 2009 in Completely Psychotic, Problematic Point of No Return, WTF?

Comments (21)

MargaretNovember 16th, 2009 at 9:34 am

Can we ban the phrase, “Needless to say, we didn’t go on a second date.”

HiHiNovember 16th, 2009 at 10:26 am

hold up. I know it can take some people a while to realize the arent straight, but 5 abortions? red flag right there for me.

wendyNovember 16th, 2009 at 12:03 pm

That’s absolutely horrifying. Who would “love” a job involving dead babies??? What kind of person is that?

uhhhh...November 16th, 2009 at 12:17 pm

Fuck, I’m on my way to becoming a medical examiner, and certainly wouldn’t detail what I did at work with most people, much less on a first date. a) The gory details TMI on a first date and b) most people just don’t like that shit.

YGNovember 16th, 2009 at 12:51 pm

This makes me want to puke. Sorry, can’t put it prettier than that. It’s not an anti-abortion, right to life thing…it just makes me nauseous how callous that person was in dealing with something incredibly controversial and emotionally painful. And the fact that she used abortion as a form of birth control. Wrong on so many levels.

lmnopNovember 16th, 2009 at 2:24 pm

Wendy, they are fetuses, not babies. Also, I don’t think abortion has to be an “emotional issue.” Sometimes people make mistakes, don’t want a kid and are actually relieved! to get an abortion. I’m incredibly pro-choice. That being said, if someone gets 5 abortions then they are clearly failing to use proper birth control. Subjecting yourself to multiple expensive medical procedures because you’re too lazy to use a condom or the pill *is* gross. I’m not offended by abortions, just by the very rare people who use it as a form of birth control. Most women do not get multiple abortions. It’s a very tiny percentage that does.
I knew someone who did use it as a method of birth control. They were actually a pretty screwed up person with heavy emotional and psychological issues.

BethNovember 16th, 2009 at 3:07 pm

I think the date, not the OP was lying.

LiLiNovember 16th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

ew ew ew ew ew! i’m not against abortion but COME ON! 5 abortions = not a lesbian. maybe she’s bisexual and lied about it? and talking about aborted fetuses over dinner? no wonder she was the type of person to use abortion as birth control. somebody’s daddy didn’t love them because she sounds reallyyyy messed up! good job in getting away.

YGNovember 17th, 2009 at 12:34 am

If we didn’t have people examining these types of things, we wouldn’t know as much about human development as we do now…which is of great benefit. Because of this sort of research, so much information has been gathered about chromosomal abnormalities, what grows when, what problems can be spotted, etc.

So yeah, to most minds, an icky job, but not everyone sees it that way. I’m pregnant now, and if it hadn’t been for such research, I most certainly wouldn’t be.

But you know what I can’t get round? BRINGING IT UP ON A FIRST DATE AT DINNER. Even if it was meant to shock or is true/untrue…that is one messed up individual.

LaylaNovember 17th, 2009 at 9:27 pm

*Five* abortions? Insane!

Frau BlucherNovember 17th, 2009 at 10:18 pm

i’m prochoice too but yeah, 5? there’s no excuse for that. I knew one woman who told me she’d had five…she had a pretty rough childhood and was in a youth shelter for a while etc. But prochoice or prolife, that is not first date conversation!!!!

maesieNovember 18th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

I’m the original poster, and trust me, this girl was not lying/over exaggerating. This was just her having a normal conversation. She didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, and didn’t seem to comprehend that it was shocking.
She identified as a lesbian but still slept with guys when the opportunity arose. To her, it was a form of birth control.

JanetteNovember 20th, 2009 at 2:15 pm

I am also pro-choice, have never had an abortion, and was (at first) worried that a woman would have five abortions.

However (and I can’t believe I am being *this* person), she pays her bills by being a medical examiner of aborted fetuses. She knows the health risks of said abortions, and she knows how much they cost. I know at the clinic in my city, an abortion costs around $300. If she’d like to spend $1,500 on abortions so that she is not dealing with children for the next 18+ years, it’s her choice. Trust me, five children cost a LOT. a LOTTT. more than five abortions. She doesn’t sound mentally fit to raise these children, and I hate the unfit parents who come into my retail store enough as it is. So this isn’t the time to rip her (choices) apart when she was doing us all a favor. Of COURSE she should go ahead and get her tubes tied, so she won’t harm her body anymore. Of COURSE she should be using the pill and condoms simultaniously. But mentally unfit people act in the moment, and get into horrible situations.

As far as the date is concerned, that’s sick. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and I’m still weary of him knowing I poop. Never would I reveal my five, three, or even ONE abortion at dinner where my date couldn’t escape. It sounds as though she is mentally unstable and while it’s totally normal to date someone with mental problems (My boyfriend has beeing dealing with my anxiety attacks since we met years and years ago), it’s also wise to just never let it start. Kudos to OP (Maesie) who seems to have handeled this pretty well.

JanetteNovember 20th, 2009 at 2:17 pm

I obviously meant *been*, not *beeing*. I think the teeny tiny comment box made me completely unaware of that error…

CherieNovember 20th, 2009 at 8:27 pm

Sweeeeet first date convo. That lady is messed up. Yick!

DattingDecember 4th, 2009 at 6:32 pm

Wow.. 5? that’s alot.. i don’t think it is a mistake anymore.. Good thing you didn’t go on second dates..

PencilCDecember 17th, 2009 at 10:31 am

Everyone has their hobbies. I’m impressed that a lesbian got knocked up fives times. That’s dedication.

HeatherDecember 23rd, 2009 at 9:52 am

I’m absolutely and strongly pro choice as well… but 5? That’s just irresponsible

AshleyJanuary 8th, 2010 at 12:01 am

I don’t think I’d want to date a person who’s had FIVE abortions either. For one to have that many, they either have some special circumstances or they are not very smart.