Roll Out
So I get to his house for our second date and he says he wants to take me out to sushi. At the restaurant, he indicates that he can not have any cucumbers in the sushi. The first plate comes and there are cucumbers everywhere. We send it back. Second plate gets there and there’s an inconsequential amount of greenery in it for color I guess. He picks apart each roll using a combination of chopsticks and index fingers until not one spec of green is left in it. He orders a beer and I order “The Perfect Gin Cocktail” off the menu. Later I raise my hand to ask for another cocktail, but my picky eater takes my hand and pulls it to the table saying, “Maybe you should switch to beer because I only have so much money budgeted for this evening.” My birthday was earlier in the week and he had mentioned that this was a birthday dinner so I was shocked, but excused myself to the bathroom to shake it off. I should have just walked out, but I was too accommodating back then.
We go back to his place and started making out. The Stellas I drank turn into a bad decision and there I am about to sleep with Mr. Budget. We start getting it on and in true American Pie style, about 90 seconds in he screams, “Oh my God you are too hot, I can’t do this!” and orgasms immediately. So I’m lying there a little pissed (but flattered) thinking round two would be better. He gets up, explains that I am welcome to spend the night and leaves the room to pop an Ambien. He comes back, says good night to his cat, gets in bed, turns his back to me and passes out. There is zero cuddling, spooning, anything. Too drunk to just leave I fall asleep and wake up to him shaking me at 8:00 in the morning on a Sunday saying he is hungry. We go get food. Don’t ask me why I stuck around. I am still trying to figure it out myself. I ordered a crepe. He orders an omelet, pancakes and a smoothie. Then he tells me he blew his budget on dinner last night and asks if I can pick up the tab.
