Getting Personal

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I was 19, had just moved to a large city to attend college and didn’t know anyone. So, I was meeting people from the personal ads (this was before the internet dating era). One guy I talked to seemed nice, had the same interests and described himself as “very handsome” over the phone. I assumed he was around my age, so I took a chance and had him pick me up at my dorm to take me downtown to a nightclub.

When he showed up, he wasn’t attractive at all. He was at least 40, overweight, balding and wearing incredibly tight pants. There’s no way in hell anyone would have called him “handsome,” but he seemed nice enough and I was all dressed up, so I decided to go to the club anyway even though I decided right then and there to keep it on a “just friends” level. As soon as we got to the club he started drinking and telling me how perfect I was and how he just wanted to have sex with me in all kinds of kinky ways. I was really grossed out, so I told him immediately that I wasn’t interested in sex, dating him or anything beyond a friendship.

At that point he said, “Well, we can be friends, as long as you let me stick my tongue up your ass every once in a while.”

That was when I decided I really wanted to go home. He had driven me and we were a considerable distance from my college and the public transit had stopped running. I asked him to please drive me home, as I had no other way of getting home. He told me that I should just find some other guy in the club and go home with him. By then I was freaked out, with no way to get home and I begged him to please drive me back home, nearly in tears.

He relented and told me that if I really wanted money, he could hook me up with a good escorting job. The whole way home he called me a “cock tease” and told me that I should become a prostitute since it was easy for girls like me to spread our legs for money. Yes, he used those words. He even offered to become a client. At the end of the “date,” when he dropped me off, he demanded again to be allowed to stick his tongue up my ass and I just fled. He continued to call me every so often and leave alternately insulting and pleading messages on my machine before finally giving up.

Comments (34)
Garter SnakeJanuary 20th, 2010 at 8:32 am

Oh, this is so awful it actually made me shiver. What a creep.

Just a GuyJanuary 20th, 2010 at 8:46 am

As a 38 year old man, I think this guy was totally nor… Oh who am I kidding, the guy was a total creep. On behalf of the Y chromosome half of the species, I apologize for the inconvenience. The sad thing is that some women actually fall for asses like that. :P

AndyJanuary 20th, 2010 at 9:44 am

Speechless (Picking jaw off of keyboard)

AdrienneJanuary 20th, 2010 at 10:31 am

Hello, did your parents ever teach you to
never have a stranger pick you up at your
residence? You Assumed he was your age.

kissmymangoJanuary 20th, 2010 at 10:49 am

Wow. So, he’s a bitter, verbally abusive misogynist. Can’t imagine why he was still single!

SarahJanuary 20th, 2010 at 11:13 am

You were in a large city, but you couldn’t call a cab? Usually the bar will even call one for you. Even if it was kind of pricey, you could have considered it a lesson learned.

wendyJanuary 20th, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Wow. Ok, you win.

Frau BlucherJanuary 20th, 2010 at 1:49 pm

And people think creepy dates originated with Craigslist. I agree, you win the Creepathon!! EEEEEEEEW!

I. C. LondonJanuary 20th, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Point is well taken, but there is NO WAY you should have given him so much as an opportunity to take you home. You are actually fortunate that all he did while taking you home was TALK nasty.

You would have been better off to explain your situation to a group of girls around your own age and see if they could arrange a ride for you or something to protect you from that guy.

MeshellJanuary 20th, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Sarah – She can still consider it a lesson learned ;)

The best stories are the ones that self acknowledge their own foolishness. People so often forget that they were once young, unsure, and confused individuals themselves.

VictorHodginsJanuary 20th, 2010 at 6:47 pm

Golly.

Eighty-EightKeysJanuary 20th, 2010 at 8:17 pm

He’s 40 and trolling for a date in the dorms?? *shudder*

KestrelJanuary 21st, 2010 at 1:15 am

I am completely speechless over this one, and somewhat nauseous.

lmnopJanuary 21st, 2010 at 6:41 am

True, if it is a large city she could have probably taken a cab or maybe public transportation. *But*, a cab is often very expensive, especially for a college student, and at a certain time public transportation stops running or it could have been too difficult for her to get home via public transportation (for example, there are areas of NYC where the train won’t go and you have to hop on various buses to get to).

actrightJanuary 21st, 2010 at 12:31 pm

Warning: When you see someone is totally not in your playing field one must pass immediately. This guy could have been a rapist and you were brave to beg for a ride home. I am glad you made it there safely.

SophieJanuary 21st, 2010 at 11:49 pm

So this random stranger made a perfectly innocent request on your first meeting to stick his tongue into your ass, and you said no? Wow, you really were being a cock tease.

mizmayhemJanuary 22nd, 2010 at 12:44 pm

HEY! I think I know that guy! lol poor girl!

PhilipJanuary 22nd, 2010 at 9:49 pm

Wow, this might be the worst

KestrelJanuary 25th, 2010 at 8:36 pm

ewww!! yes! Never ever let a guy pick you up at your residence! If it was supposed to be a first date, you’ll have to learn to do something (in the daytime) that has a method of transportation available, and have a short date: like 20 mins., to see if you “hit it off”. Since you saw him at your dorm lobby, and you definately didn’t want to be with him, you should’ve said “oh, I forgot something upstairs/etc.” and not come back out. (if you wanted to do the whole avoidance thing. Learn!! You could very easily have ended up in serious trouble.

JaimieJanuary 29th, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I’m actually kind of shocked at the amount of victim-blaming that went on here.

“Yes, let’s not blame the guy. It’s her own fault for putting herself in the situation. If she got raped she’s only got her own self to blame. Guys can’t help themselves after all. She’s such a cocktease, too. Going out with a guy and then saying no to sex with him. Probably wearing slutty clothes.”

Does THAT sound reasonable to you? That’s what you sound like to me.

Also, she said at the beginning SHE WAS 19! We all did stupid things at 19 because we were 19. This could have easily been me or any of a dozen girls I was friends with at the time. There’s a reason psychologists say childhood only ends at 25

Billy FloydJanuary 30th, 2010 at 6:36 pm

As a 60-year old guy who stumbled on this web site, all I can do is apologize on behalf of my gender. If someone pulled this kind of shit on my daughter, my nieces, or my granddaughter, I would kill him with my bare hands. That said, I don’t think it is sexist or “blaming the victim” to fervently hope that the OP- who seems a very nice person- gets better at self-protection. There are a lot of assholes out there, unfortunately. Please watch out for them, okay?

shazzyFebruary 2nd, 2010 at 5:55 pm

scary!!!

for all young ladies, call a cab, friends, family, or talk to the wait staff about getting a ride home. don’t ever feel like you don’t have other options.

KittykittyFebruary 6th, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Why did you let him drive you? That was dangerous. If you’re reading this and thinking of doing this please don’t! Try getting a friend/parents to drive you or getting a/bus/taxi instead? He could have harmed this poster, but fortunately he was all talk.

your dadFebruary 9th, 2010 at 2:44 pm

C’mon, people, this guy wasn’t “pathetic” and a “bad date”, he was a RECRUITER looking for college girls to “turn out”.

The scary thing is, apparently it’s a more successful approach than you’d think. Kudos to OP for getting the hell away from it relatively unscathed!

VajraFebruary 10th, 2010 at 11:29 am

Well, the one good thing us younger men can learn is: don’t turn out like him.

MirandaMarch 7th, 2010 at 1:16 am

It’s stories like this that make me glad I’m lonely and pathetic.

baoMarch 19th, 2010 at 2:40 am

That guy is so creepy and pathetic at the same time. He has serious issues man.

Joe GApril 21st, 2010 at 12:35 am

Please, for the love of God…

NEXT TIME THEY DESCRIBE THEIR PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES, AND DON’T COME CLOSE TO WHAT THEY PUT, CALL IT OFF.

Holy cow! “40, overweight, balding and wearing incredibly tight pants” –> how could you take a chance with that?

The guy doesn’t take care of his physical self, thats usually a red flag already.

MickyJune 3rd, 2010 at 5:47 am

Why could you just call a cab?

HAugust 8th, 2010 at 1:51 am

I’m a bartender in a college town. Our public transportation stops at midnight; I see lots of young people out and stranded. The staff where I work always try to spot those who are too confused/drunk/stranded by recent new “friends”/whatever and offer to call them cabs. Twice in the last year I have paid for cabs to take young women home who were in a similar situation described by this post’s author. (Both times they returned days later to pay me back , but if they hadn’t, I would have no regrets.) If you are without transportation, in a bad situation, please do not be afraid to ask a bartender, bouncer, waitress, usher, doorman, WHOEVER for help getting home. No one wants you getting back into a car with a scary creep.

ColliebabeNovember 12th, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Horrible story! As I was reading this I kept picturing the song “Date Rape” by Sublime.

DucksFebruary 6th, 2011 at 12:18 am

Oh my God, I am so glad the OP got home safely. This could have easily ended up VERY badly. I wish I had been in that bar, I would have given her a ride home in a heartbeat!

I don’t think people here are trying to “blame the victim”, they are just trying to point out how what she did was NOT in her best interests, and how she could do things differently if she found herself in another bad situation. Though I’m hoping she won’t have problems like this again.

While I don’t date, and wouldn’t consider online dating, if I met up with someone who was TOTALLY different from their profile picture, I would end it right there. The person was being deceitful in order to get a date in the first place, so how can they be trusted? And trust is a very important part of a relationship.

DynamiteJuly 3rd, 2011 at 5:14 pm

wow thats awful you went through that but what pisses me off a little is that you pleaded and were almost in tears because you wanted a ride home? couldn’t you of called someone to
come get you I would of not of put up with a idiot talking to me that way. Good thing you got home safe because who knows what would of happened, hopefully now you learned your lesson not to meet complete strangers off ads. alot of Sickos out there!

KatJuly 27th, 2011 at 12:46 am

Ewww. What a freaking creep! He needs to go get a life and find some women his OWN AGE

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