A Fantastic Romance
For a brief time in my life, I was single and tired of dating within the same circle. I decided to use the internet and within about a week, had met someone who seemed OK. His picture was not terrible and he seemed reasonably funny and well-spoken, so we set up a date for sushi.
We met up at a place near his house and I sat down across from him, realizing that he was at least 20lbs heavier with a worse haircut. Also, he was from Newfoundland. I don’t want to insult anyone but the Newfoundland accent is not exactly what one would term romantic – he was nasally, he spoke really fast and for him, words like “car” had two syllables. But it was fine. We ordered food and the conversation was relatively OK and he seemed nice, was gentlemanly enough to pay and not make a deal and as we loitered outside, he suggested we go for a drink or two at a place right across the street. We got a table and sat down.
Somehow the conversation turned to his former life as a meth addicted street kid in Toronto. Kudos to him for being so candid but I was getting a little uncomfortable with the nature of the stories. Then the topic turned to his fervent love and support of the Conservative party of Canada and Stephen Harper. This is not really my viewpoint and I tried to steer away from politics. And then, then it turned to abortion. Everyone’s favourite first date topic. I graciously attempted to move away from this topic as he continued nodding his head and loudly telling me that he didn’t believe in abortion. I was shifted uncomfortably in my seat because I am definitely pro-choice and leftist but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt up until this point. He would not drop it even after I firmly said, “I am not comfortable talking about my politics at this point in time.”
Finally I just smiled and signalled the waitress for my cheque. I thanked him for the time but I had to get going because I had to be up for work tomorrow (I lied, but so did he with his picture). He walked me outside and smiled, said he had a nice time and and then leaned in for a kiss! I quickly turned my cheek and he kissed it and seeming confused. He asked when he could see me again and I said that I didn’t feel we were compatible and wished him the best of luck with his search.
Later, he e-mailed me and went on about what a great time he had on the date. I was a little shocked. He continued to e-mail me with chapters to his fantasy novel, which was extremely poorly written. He also included details about how he had been “published.” I sent him one last e-mail and blocked him and hope he got the clue, once and for all!
omg. What sort of crazy do you have to be to talk about such personal details and psychotic politics on the first date?
Anti-choice is an absolute deal breaker. A woman’s personhood, bodily automony, health and safety are non-negotiable.
That’s it? Your politics didn’t match? I mean he can hardly control the accent you found so disagreeable.
well he also lied on his profile…what’s to stop him from lying about everything else?
Certain things are totally inappropriate on a first date – intimate details of former drug use and tirades against abortion fall under that category.
because my other comment won’t make it through moderation, I am posting again.
This is the lamest worst date I’ve read yet. The guy had a bad accent and was opinionated — big deal. I think the deal-breaker here was that he was from (god forbid) Newfoundland.
I bet this site wouldn’t post a date making fun of black, asian, or indian accents. But those Newfies, they’re fair game. Give me a break.
For once an OP that did everything right! Meeting the guy at the place with your own car, check. Being honest about not wanting to date again, check. Being firm but polite later, check. Good job!
i think it’s more than the accent…the guy also sounded poorly socialized, needy and damaged. Plus he lied about himself and brought up completely inappropriate topics even though she didn’t want to talk about them. I mean, abortion? for or against it, that is NOT first date conversation. And is there any such thing as a WELL written fantasy novel? Most of them seem like they’re written by third graders.
Meree, shall those that didn’t do everything right post the times they did? “Doing it right” comments are getting old.
Janine – Opinionated guys who lie about their profile and talk about heavier subjects than “This is why I chose my profession” and the other safe get-to-know-yous are bad dates. Get the chip off your shoulder about the accent bit. While I felt it was silly to be turned off by it, imagine dealing with someone complaining in a heavy accent about those prolifers and how they should go to hell. You would start focusing on the accent and his rudeness.
This was a bad date and I applaud the OP for cutting it to the quick. One of the lamest things I have no noticed is that many posters don’t respect their bad date enough to let them know “Hey, we aren’t compatible. Best of luck.” Yay for not leading the fool on!
Personally, I think Newfie accents are kind of cute. But, Harper? Jeez, I’d have run out of the bar at that point and hailed a cab.
Congrats on doing the right thing in the end.
If the dealbreaker was that he was from Newfoundland, why would I assent to drinks after sushi? Would I not have high tailed it AFTER sushi? No, the dealbreaker was his unwavering ability to take the hint, which persisted even after I bluntly said “Thanks but no thanks”.
-The OP
Hey Janine – -sensitive much? The OP made it clear that the accent or fact he was from Newfoundland was not the issue. She said she didn’t want to insult anyone from Newfoundland and I don’t think comparing this accent to the plight of real minorities like blacks and asians is fair. Chill out it’s just a story from the OP’s perspective not propaganda. No one’s making fun of Newfoundland here.
Thank OP – your 11:40 response cleared up a lot.
Clearly the issue was not his accent – it was everything else.
Sounds like you gave him a fair chance in spite of it not going well, and you even took it easy on him in the end.
As an awkward dude myself, I still find it kind of amazing how bad this date went.
Did he at least have the decency to order a hamachi sushi?
I don’t consider the fact that the guy used a photograph of himself when he was twenty pounds lighter (and, better shorn) a “lie”, exactly. That’s an overstatement– unless the dating site specifically instructs applicants to use a photograph taken within a specific recent period of time– accurately depicting one’s precise current weight, and exact current haircut.
Even then– is it a “lie”, or just the inability to follow instructions?
Lisa, if someone posts a photo of themselves on website where they are supposed to be looking for someone to date, clearly they are trying to let people see what they look like and find out if they are attracted to them. When you use a photo of yourself where you look drastically different, you are intending to be deceptive because you are aware that people might not be interested otherwise. So yes, that would count as a lie.
I don’t want to turn this into an abortion debate thread, but kissmymango… a lot of WOMEN aren’t actually pro-choice. Sometimes they’re even women who in every other respect have typically feminist values. It’s not as clear cut as ‘I respect women’s personhood; you don’t', because there are other ethical issues surrounding abortion that aren’t to do with women’s rights. I don’t think it was his views that were the deal-breaker – what she had a big problem with was how he expressed them so forcefully and unwelcomely (that may not be a word) on the first date, which is of course a massive turn-off to conservatives and liberals alike, and especially with such a sensitive and divisive issue as abortion. If you need to agree completely with somebody’s politics in order to get along with them, then you’re cutting a lot of good people out. Some of the people I socialise with are hugely anti-abortion; some of them are pro-choice; some of them have had abortions they really regret and are now anti-choice. Plus, you’re losing opportunities to change people’s thinking, if you won’t give them the time of day.
Lisa- I think it depends how recent the photo was – is twenty pounds the kind of weight you can pile on in a short space of time without really noticing the difference, or did he deliberately choose an old photo because he knew he looked larger these days? I’d say it’s not strictly a lie, but it’s false advertising, which is a silly thing to do because you’ll just disappoint your date.
About the Newfie accent: I’m from the UK where there’s almost a completely different accent for every town and village. Some of us, even have our own fairly distinct mash-up accents, the origins of which have never been located. Some of the accents are just unforgivable. As comical as the Newfie accent can sound, it isn’t half as bad as some of the accents you’ll encounter in Britain.
In his mind, it probably WAS a fantastic date: he got to talk about anything he wanted and make his opinion known. A lot of people love talking about themselves and never caring what the other person has to say or even if their audience is bored.
And on a “blind-ish” date, yeah, first impressions DO make a difference…that’s the nature of A BLIND DATE. You work from there. So if he doesn’t greatly resemble his pic, it’ll stick with you…may or may not be an issue. I think the OP handled it pretty well, all things considered.
“Even then– is it a “lie”, or just the inability to follow instructions?”
Lisa, your comment make me laugh. Having been in education for many years across many age groups up to middle school age, I’d say that one of *the* biggest issues from K-6 is the inability and/or unwillingness to read or follow instructions. Maybe this says something about the guy’s maturity?? Thanks for the laugh
re: the photo. Dating sites usually ask for a single, thumbnail photo to show the world who you are. Do you think he’s going to post the picture of him in a stained, white undershirt with saggy briefs,smirking, while flipping the bird at the camera in protest to the early morning photographic intrusion? I think not. I didn’t, that’s second date material at best.
The biggest red flags to a dating profile ARE the single good shot with nothing else. Or, the people post their one good photo, and then pictures of their dogs or kids or nephews or nieces. The pictures are carefully chosen to show the person in their best light. Sometimes that doesn’t match up in real life. But, unless they said they were 6′5″ and they’re really 5′6″ I’d hardly call that “lying”. It’s advertising.
Tronner, I’ld say that’s false advertising
What Tronner meant to suggest (I think–) is that the use of a flattering photo is done in the spirit of Promotion & Marketing.
Genuinely false advertising would be the use of somebody else’s photo, altogether.
What? Are you supposed to post your worse photo?
Wow, what a freaky date. What a jerk!
Maybe it only applies to women, but I personally find newfie accents cute.