Pimp My Date
I’d met this guy online during a time that I decided I would date around. We talked online and by phone for a few weeks before we decided to meet. He claimed he was some kind of promoter in the music industry and he drove from two hours away to meet me at my house. Since he’d driven so far, I did the rest of the driving. He wasn’t nearly as trim as he’d looked in his pictures and had on way too much jewelry (a pinky ring and some of those weird chain necklaces), and dressed like a wannabe pimp, but I hoped this wasn’t his usual getup and brushed it off. We went to one of the local favorites for hanging out and drinking. I tried to just enjoy a buzz so that it wouldn’t feel nearly so much like the horrible date that it was, but I think it was fairly clear to other people that it was going bad.
I’d text messaged one of my friends though before he and I had even left the house to COME HELP ME NOW. So she was hanging out with us, but the date itself was awkward, and when we got back to my house (where his car was) he was tired. He ended up sleeping over (no hint I dropped could get him to leave) because he “didn’t need to get up” early the next day. Since I didn’t want to be completely rude to a guy who’d driven two hours and bought me dinner and drinks, we hung out, playing with my dog and talking. He told me how it was amazing we’d gotten to this point, how he never thought we’d get here, and asked me what I thought about our future together. We’d known each other for maybe only a few weeks, and this was our first time meeting- how could I feel about it?
Somehow he ended up passing out on my bed. I couldn’t sleep and even woke him up once and took him outside to “look at the moon,” because I was trying to get him out. He just thought the moon was pretty and said so and then went back inside. At one point in the early morning I got up and drove a half an hour to meet a friend because I was so frustrated. I came back around 7 am and told him to leave because my dad would be up soon and be upset there was a guy at my house. He made fun of me for that, asking if I was 17 or something. I reminded him “No, I’m 21, but he doesn’t like guys being over at my house overnight.” He was dragging his feet and while I was brushing my teeth I snapped at him “GET UP!” All of this course was a lie, but it got him the hell out of my home. We never spoke again, though I did find some of his jewelry lying around my house.
You shouldn’t have beat around the bush. If you didn’t want him to stay over, you should have just said it. How was he supposed to know you taking him outside to look at the moon meant “get the fuck out”? And then you leave him alone sleeping because you were “frustrated”?
I hope he didn’t leave it there thinking that you would call and return it to him?
This is such an odd story. You don’t even mention what went wrong in the 1st paragraph, other than he was dressed weird, and all the sudden your friend is 3rd-wheeling it? Then you leave him alone in your house in the middle of the night? Wtf.
This sounds like an instance where you just needed to be straightforward and tell him that you weren’t interested. It doesn’t sound like he did anything wrong.
“He wasn’t nearly as trim as he looked in his picture” THE BASTARD! I imagine you’re a spitting image of the photo you use, though.
“The date itself was awkward.” Maybe because you pulled your friend in before you guys even sat down.
“We’d known each other for maybe only a few weeks, and this was our first time meeting- how could I feel about it?” I dunno – some people have that instant connection. Obviously you didn’t.
“Somehow he ended up passing out on my bed.” Was this sometime after the sun went down. I mean you mentioned he was tired. It’s call “sleep” not “passing out”.
“I…woke him…to “look at the moon,” because I was trying to get him out. He…said [the moon was pretty] and then went back inside.” That’s probably exactly what I’d do. Others may think you woke them up for some lovin. I bet the vast minority wouldn’t have thought “Oh, yeah, the moon IS pretty AND it really makes me want to drive 2 hours to go home!”
“At one point in the early morning I got up and drove a half an hour to meet a friend because I was so frustrated.” Frustrated because he thought the moon was pretty? Damn that moon! You drove for 30 min to visit a friend and then presumably drove the 30 min back. Did your friend slap you upside the head for leaving a perfect stranger alone in your house? If you were that frustrated, why didn’t you kick him out?
But the statement that got me was this “Since I didn’t want to be completely rude to a guy who’d driven two hours and bought me dinner and drinks….[I let him stay and then stewed in my own juices for another 10 hours]“. You don’t have to be “completely rude” to tell someone they can’t sleep the night. You tell them to go home or get a motel or something. You ended up seeming ruder by getting so bothered by something your passivity helped create.
Ack! Vast majority – not vast minority.
I agree with D. This is a very strange story and it seems like there’s a lot of the story missing.
Call me paranoid, but to leave a stranger in my house for 30 minutes while i’m gone? Either you are dirt poor and have nothing to steal or you are stupid as dirt. Either way it’s not good.
Yep, this one is weird. Dirt + dirt = not good. Totally agree with “you ended up seeming ruder by getting so bothered by something YOUR passivity helped create”.
That said, 21 *can be* the new 12.
There must be so much that we don’t know.
Ha ha, there’s no way ‘look at the moon’ was going to be an effective ‘please leave’ hint! Hindsight’s a great thing, but you should have simply told him in a kind way that you weren’t comfortable having a guy you’d only met once staying over at your place. Ultimately, I’d say that being straight with people tends to offend and hurt them less than being passive while silently fuming, cos if they pick up how you really feel under the passivity, they feel foolish and it’s unpleasant for them. Plus it’s kind of like you’re leading them on.
Ditto what Tronner said–
Waking him up to “look at the moon” is baffling as a passive-agressive attempt to give him the heave-ho. I should think most guys would have perceived it as a hint to get romantic.
It seems that you implicitly invited him to spend the night– why didn’t you simply crash on the couch then bid him adieu in the morning, like any sane adult who takes responsibility for their actions?
It might have been a better ‘worst date’ if told from the guy’s perspective: “First, she dragged her friend along on the date… later, she invited me to spend the night then inexplicably woke me to “look at the moon” I tried to be polite and told her it was pretty, then went back to sleep… I heard her noisily driving off at dawn, then returning… finally, she barked at me to “GET UP!” with a maw full of toothpaste, spattering Crest Baking Soda with Peroxide within a five foot radius. We never spoke again. Can you blame me?”
Seems to me that this girl was too immature to handle the situation that she shouldn’t have gotten herself into in the first place.
Hmm. It seems to me that you’re not very nice, actually.
“no hint I dropped could get him to leave”
I hope you’ve learned to say “No you cannot stay over, thanks for dinner and drive safely.” since then.
I agree with everything that has been said above, nothing to add except for OMG I have the same mouse as the one in the picture!!!!
Why would you let a guy you don’t know stay at your house? There are a lot of weirdos out there, be safe!
I like that you had the deal with your female friend set up before the date. That’s a good idea.