What the Fork!
K and I went on our first date to a new, chic restaurant in East Nashville. It was obvious she wasn’t used to high-end restaurants because she had no idea what fork to use or where she should put her cloth napkin, but I thought it was endearing and told her to relax and just take it easy, as we were there to have a good time.
It soon became obvious that she was not much of a drinker either. After her first glass of wine, she started talking about how she wanted to be married with two kids within the next five years. Keep in mind, we were both 24. I laughed awkwardly and told her that she couldn’t really make those plans because they usually require a second party. She leaned forward (this was after her third glass of wine) and told me that she already found the second party. It was me.
Knowing that a follow-up date wasn’t going to happen, I decided to take the conversation where most guys would be too afraid to go. I asked her how she knew. She started going on and on about how I have money and how she needed a man with money because she wanted lots of kids. Then she started saying that it looked like I had good genes because I was taller than her and handsome. Then she winked at me and downed another glass.
After we finished the bottle of wine, I paid the tab and we left. As I was driving her home, K began unbuckling my pants because, as she put it, she wanted to “make happy” with me while I drove. And while I’m usually game for that kind of thing, I needed to be clear that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with her after that night.
I repeatedly rejected her advances, which included her grabbing my area and trying to get her hands down my pants. And then she started crying. Then she got mad and started hitting me. Then she got out of the car at a red light and told me to go f*ck myself.
That was the weirdest night of my entire life.
I have to give you props: You took it where most guys wouldn’t in asking for more info. Good job!
So, I guess this means you’re still available (-wink-)?
I want to have lots of babies with a tall, handsome good-provider too (-wink-)!
Email me!
(-wink-)
*downs a glass of wine* HE’S MINE LISA, BACK OFF!
Wow. Just wow. Words fail me about the girl, they really do. I am only posting to ask the question:
Where did she think she should put her napkin?
Meshell– you’d better take your big, long-haired butt and MOVE ON.
He’s MINE.
hahaahh yeah seriously… where DID she put her napkin??
I have NEVER EVER known a 24 year old guy to be able to a) afford to take a girl out to a chic restaurant for dinner on a first date or b) turn down some “make happy” — impressive!
Em – if you can’t turn down “make happy” for the clearly freaking CRAZY, you won’t thereafter have anything to make happy. She’ll cut it off and take it home to help her make her litters of critters!
This entry makes me wish MVVD had a music feature. This one needs the circus freak music.
OP – you are a brave man. I would have run far far away.
Kissmymango — good point! I guess that would be the one thing which could get a 20soemthing guy to keep it in his pants
what a fucking freak. How can women be so desperate and pathetic!!
Oh I love desperate women. How could you refuse her oh so sexy crotch mauling?
Which restaurant was it? I live in East Nashville.
That does sound like a pretty lousy date. Poor girl must have been so uncomfortable being out of her element like that. Still, it’s probably good that she found out how immature her date was before it went any further. Adults who are ready to settle down really shouldn’t waste time with those who aren’t.
She didn’ t know where a napkin goes? Isn’t that pretty common sense, y’know, something your parents teach you when you’re a small child learning how to eat at a table properly? But then again, I suppose I shouldn’t make too many assumptions about what people know since I have run across grown adults who thought it appropriate to hunch over their food and grunt and chew with their mouth open when they ate.
P.S. I bet the submitter feels pretty lucky that K revealed her grand master plan on the first date. I kinda feel bad for her since she seems like a pretty damaged person, but nobody is or should be obligated to go along with crazy just to make somebody feel better for the time being. I hope she has a lightbulb moment and gets some help.
K’s “grand master plan” isn’t very different than the average Jane’s grand master plan, I think: snag a good-looking good-provider, then commence having babies. K’s fatal mistake was her extraordinary frankness– like a hunter who makes too much noise and frightens off their intended prey.
(God knows it was never my master plan/ may not be yours; but you’ve gotta admit that it’s the fondest dream of a lot of women.)
I realize that the average Jane does want to get married and have children. The “grand master plan” part comes from saying “OH EM GEE THIS IS TOTALLY GOING TO BE ME AND FIVE YEARS AND YOU’RE TOTALLY GOING TO BE THE ONE WHO GIVES IT TO ME YOU HAVE NO CHOICE IN THE MATTER.” Don’t be a smartass and stop making assumptions about people.
Rawr– who was I making assumptions about, except the female sex in general?
I wasn’t trying to be a smartass, just noting that K’s plan wasn’t intrinsically outlandish— her technique was.
A master plan is such a bad idea. It keeps a person from seeing what’s going on around them. Maybe it will happen sooner; maybe it will happen later. Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
I am impressed that he asked her for more info instead of just trying to change the subject. Dating is crazy. Again, just sit back and enjoy the experience.
This story written by a girl
guywhoknows… eh??
and RB — if your definition of “immature” is when a person politely rejects a crazy person then yes, the guy definitely was immature.
While this woman was clearly a little crazy and this was surely an awful date, I’m having a problem with the fact that you thought it was “endearing” that she didn’t know which fork to use, or that you thought this was necessary information for your story.
This story is in my top 5 favorites on this site lol. Crazy bitch…
MK – maybe the cutlery confusion reminded him endearingly of the little mermaid