Disaster Dinner

I feel bad for both of you guys. You for having to go through it & her for feeling the need to lie about her appearance to snag people into going out with her.

I’m with Andrew. She sounds like she has totally shit self-esteem, but that’s no excuse to pull this shit on people.

pro-tip: People really hate it if you put a picture on a dating site that shows you being two years younger than you really are.

Well, at least you only had to spend one night with those 140 lbs. She has to spend her whole life with them. It is unfair of her to lie on her profile, and certainly rude not to shower and dress up, at least a little, for a first date. But think of a life in which, if you don’t lie about how you look, almost no one will ever be interested in getting to know who you are on the inside, and try to have some compassion for this woman next time you think about posting a humiliating story about her on a public site.

I just don’t understand what these people expect to have happen. Do they expect to have the person they lied be ok with that?

Seriously, “Tired…” There are lots of fat people with mates who love them. Obviously the submitter was willing to give her a try even though she was big…I think the issue here is that she lies and stinks.

Hey “Tired..” it’s not like he put her name and phone number on the site. This was his “very worst date” in his opinion. I can’t even believe he went through with the date after being told such a lie. Lying is never the way to start a date or relationship. I’m a curvy gal and wouldn’t dream of expecting someone to be okay with lying about 140 pound weight gain. There are other sites for BBWs where lying isn’t necessary.

@Tired….
You say “…think of a life in which, if you don’t lie about how you look, almost no one will ever be interested in getting to know who you are on the inside.” Really? Is that what people think has to happen in order to be loved? Tricking a person into falling in love with them?

I’m a big guy and I’ve never had a problem getting a date with a girl of any shape or size. That doesn’t mean I’ve never been turned down for my looks, or had an incredible dating life, but things got a lot easier for me when I realized a person shouldn’t have to compromise on something simply because I think I’m a pretty cool guy. Why would anyone want to be with someone who doesn’t find them attractive?

Tired– In all history, do you suppose that anyone ever succeeded in finding romance by tricking somebody in this fashion? No? Then maybe it’s time to rethink your melodramatic defense of her lie (:”But think of a life in which, if you don’t lie about how you look, almost no one will ever be interested in getting to know who you are on the inside.”)

Heavy people find love all the time, just check out the wedding-section photos in your local paper.

The internet makes evasion of reality all too enticing, I’m inclined to think she enjoyed pretending she was 140lbs lighter (hey, it’s easier than going to the gym, and passing on dessert). Or, since she had no regard for the facts of reality, maybe her plan was to lose the 140lbs by Friday night.

Mm, I seem to have upset people. Yes, of course heavy people find love all the time (I apologize for sounding like I assume they don’t or shouldn’t). They are also discriminated against, all the time. Again, totally wrong for her to lie, and obviously she would have a better shot looking for people who are physically attracted to her to begin with. But this site, as hilarious as it is, has a proliferation of stories along this vein and it really is tiresome.

@Tired maybe you shouldn’t read the site. I’ve been reading it for a year and I can only think of two other stories where the girl lied about her weight. You could say, “Oh there are a lot stories where the guy is cheap or gets drunk.” How could you possibly have hundreds of completely unique stories? No one else seems to be complaining.

Good lord. I think the site is hilarious, as I said, so, uh, yeah, I plan to continue reading it. There is plenty of room here for some of us to have sympathy for a woman with obvious self-esteem issues. There’s also plenty of room for people to feel bad for the guy who wasted his whole night on a lie.

I meant to voice reasonable criticism, but I see I derailed the conversation, so I’ll quiet down now for fear of becoming a full-fledged troll.

Hair-matted. Shirt–see-through from grease stains. If she were well put-together, he might have given her a chance. Or even just a little put together. But this was complete self-sabotage. And the stalking afterwards? She’s a mess, and it would put anyone off that kind of dating.

Tired, I think the greater issue with this is that she was lying and made minimal attempts to do things like pursue good hygiene. It sounded like the OP enjoyed talking to her, and gave here a shot. She clearly has some issues with her self-esteem if she feels she needs to give such a big lie in order to get a date, and I wonder what caused her to gain so much weight so fast. Still, weight is largely a matter of the choices a person makes, and it sounds like she needs help making positive choices on taking care of herself.

It would make for an awful date, though. I don’t know if the OP would have gone on the date if she had admitted her real weight and put some effort into taking care of herself, but at least nobody would have felt deceived.

“I’ve been reading it for a year and I can only think of two other stories where the girl lied about her weight. ”

Then you don’t read the site very often. I actually have been reading this site a while and I’ve seen plenty of these stories – about both sexes.

@ BigTronne – I sincerely hope you are not pretending that the social stigma against fat men is anywhere near the hate, vitrol and anger directed at fat women. Two words, Jack Black.

Lastly,

Tired – you are 100% right. None of these people seemed to have read what you posted at all, they just wanted to lecture a stranger. Get used to that. That’s pretty much all the comments ever.

@kissmymango – lol, including yours.

Anyway, I have some compassion for low self-esteem, but if you lie about 140 lbs, go out on a date with terrible hygiene, and then phone-stalk someone, you deserve to be on this site. The only time I’d wish that someone would’ve refrained from posting out of compassion would be if something happened on the date that was not the worst date’s fault and that probably humiliated him/her more than the OP. She could’ve helped this. If she reads this and knows it’s about her, maybe she’ll realize that she’s got issues and needs to make some changes. If she reads this and throws herself of a bridge, then she was never going to survive a hard collision with the truth, anyway. I don’t see how this story would be that harmful to her.

140 pounds in two years is a BIIIIG gain. Either she’s got a metabolic disorder and needs some serious medical intervention, or she simply gorges all the time and does not exercise…both problems a guy looking for a potential mate would do well to avoid, especially on a first date.

She gained a whole person in two years. That’s an unhealthy individual.

I’ve seen very large people dress elegantly and look fabulous. I’ve seen stick thin folks present themselves very poorly and look like their got their clothes from a tip two second before. Size doesn’t matter here, actually…it’s the lying and the presentation. Showing up for a blind date in sweats and a dirty shirt is the mark of someone who’s just given up. I’m not that fussed on what size a person is, but if they can’t be bothered to de-stinkify, I would find that more offensive than the lie about weight.

I’m not pretending there is no difference between big men and big women, but “hate, anger and vitriol?” Didn’t Yoda say something about that leading to the dark side?

This has happened to me more times than I care to think about. I have gotten pretty good at telling when a person is being dishonest (MY you have a lot of HEADSHOTS on your profile).
I have had women who used pictures of thier daughters in place of them, I have had differences in age of 10 years, differences in weight fo over 100 pounds, etc…
What this tells us is that the virtual environment is an unreliable way to verify an individual is who they say.
I sympathize with this man’s experience, but it is one that is probably shared by any man who has engaged in online dating.
Finally for those of you that think that juding someone on fat is shallow, well lets define what a shallow judgement is.
I would define shallow as judging people on things that are superficially AND beyond thier control. Obesity is major health issue, one that precludes a partner from sharing in many aspects of active life. I think it is perfectly valid to judge people on things that they can control, such as weight. education, and success.

I feel sorry for this woman, but come on. She didn’t tell him that she’d doubled in weight (and no, it’s not okay that she lied to him, regardless of how low her self-esteem is), she showed up for the date in sweatpants and a stained shirt, and then she STALKED him. That is definitely a “very worst date”.

Personally, I’d add “ability to spell and use proper grammar” as something that is well within a person’s control and thus OK to judge about. Just add that to the list of weight, edumacation, success, smell, height (you can get bone extensions/reductions of the femur I seen it on the CSI), cup size, hand size, whether the carpet and drapes match (I hate it when apartments are poorly decorated), smoking, drinking, use of the word “like” more than two times per sentence, internet habits (no “I can haz anything” for me, thank you very much), choice of restaurant on first date, choice of wine, choice of salad dressing, choice of cut of meat, ability to create long lists, ability to sound like a pretentious asshole, ability or inability to use the oxford comma and ability to understand sarcasm.

Tronner. I am typing into a box that si the size of a postage stamp. You will please forgive me if I miss a souple of things.
I guess I need to invoke the “reasonable person” standard with such an incisive individual such as yourself in regards to “things under your control”.
Furthermore, grammer nazism is the last refuge of the person who has nothing really to say, consider the message try not to get hung up on commas.
regards.

Chill dude, read the last line. I just found it ironic.

I agree. I would never date a really fat guy. He would not go scuba diving with me, or rock climbing. I want to learn hang gliding. That’s right out….I could be not shallow I guess and make society happy. And not live my life the way I want…Fun! Weight is a health issue. I know, I was a fat ass. And now I’m not. People want to make it a beauty issue because obesity and depression are running rampant, and feeling pretty with your fat ass is a lot easier than not having a piece of pie every damn night. I don’t care if you want to be fat or anorexic. Just don’t get mad when people don’t view your lifestyle as you do.