JDate Jerk

why would you go out with a 51 year old male? No matter how persistant? ew.

@Karen: maybe she’s actually near 51 herself? Grown ups do date, you know.

Phrase that should be banned from this site: “Needless to say”

Why is it assumed that you would be no longer “dating at all for that matter!” Did you join a convent after one asshole in a bar. Pretty extreme if you ask me.

karen: The OP never specified their own age. Is it still gross if OP is mid-30s?

This sounds like a truly horrible date! The man clearly has control and rage issues and may have been mentally ill! I can’t believe the OP even last 45 minutes.

“why would you go out with a 51 year old male? No matter how persistant? ”

We don’t know the OP’s age. Maybe she was 49…

People, when you are writing these little stories, don’t throw in irrelevant information. His age is totally not relevant, if you’re not going to tell us yours.

You’ve gotta at least appreciate how openly crazy he was– better that, than stealth craziness that doesn’t exhibit itself until you’re entangled.

Karen- don’t assume that the OP is your age, whatever that may be. (Regardless, I happen to think age 51 is in the vicinity of a man’s prime.)

No, Margaret– what I’d like to see banned is the hot new supposed sentence “_ _ _ _ _ much?” As in “Bitter much?”, “Incest much?”,”Passive much?”, etc… Drives me to distraction much.

OP – that sounds absolutely awful, but maybe the chivalry of the guys who came to your aid should remind you that not all guys are nut jobs and you should keep giving dating a chance!

Lisa – I am SO going to start using the term “stealth craziness” in conversation

Note to amateur psychologists out there: This guy = antisocial/borderline/narcissistic traits. Guy that didn’t pay for sushi and liked anime – probably not.

Lisa: THANK YOU!!
I hate “___ much” so very much.
I’ll go back to lurking now.

Now that IS a bad date! Thanks for sharing your story.

Margaret – I think his age is relevant in that it shows he’s definitely old enough to know better.

What a nightmare date!

hahaha! Margaret, I hardly ever notice the “needless to until you say” statements until you point them out. I think my mind automatically filters them out

Good thing the OP was honest and told the guy that it’s not going anywhere rather than carry on with it- like some of the past OPs.

wow, I want to apologize for all the 51 yr. olds out there, I am 49, but no matter the age, you were treated worse than bad and it would have been nice for the bartenders to toss him out of the bar…don’t give up dating, there are still plenty of good, considerate men out there

* “needless to say”

I was going to say that you should have known the guy was a jerk, when he ordered mineral water at a bar. But then I remembered this story is in West Hollywood. So you should have known he was going to be a jerk before you even went on the date. I guess that’s why you put up with so much.

grammar etc aside…this sounds like a royal fucking tool. Obviously poorly socialized, but don’t swear off dating because of HIM. Then he wins! the guys at the bar were nice…
sometimes there is no way to tell if someone is going to be a psycho in real life.

great story.

omg. i feel so bad for the submitter. This definitely sounds like one of worst dates ever becasue of the bodily harm factor in addition to all the personality flaws this guy seemed to have. You can still date, like Frau said, he wins if you let him affect ur dating life.

Definitely don’t give up on men.

Other than the jumponthebandwagon sayings, when will people learn that blind dates, dates from ads (newspaper or craigslist) and online dating seem to have a low success rate? I’m sure there are happy stories out there but everyone I know who has tried online dating, quit the service preeeety quickly.

hello, I am the lucky gal who went out with this psycho… and YES it was really that bad…It was unreal and ya know what, I have no edit function or dimmer switch however this guy had even ME at a loss for words. I am 39 years old… so 51 is not a stretch.

He was TRULY delusional. Who would ever MAN OR WOMAN, ever put another person into such a crappy position to have to defend you own personal reasoning as to WHY you dont want to see them again… and to go ape shit bc of an honest response… Well “N” needs more lithium/

Dating online has never been for me but hey, I figured why not…. I mean, hell you have your garden variety of nut jobs with some decent people peppered in there so why no try it. And for the record I am not even jewish- I was told Jdate might be a better option and just thought maybe a better place from the match.com booty buffet… NOPE….

Nonetheless… I am off that shitty site.

I’ve noticed that a lot of these stories, mainly the ones submitted by women, the men seem to think at some point during their initial meeting that they’re going to be involved in a relationship. Like when this jerkass told you “that when we become an item I will have to change my ways to suit his needs”. These are the same guys who wonder what they did wrong when the woman walks out, or never returns their calls/text messages.

well TMS april….i feel like calling me a ‘c-u-n-t” might of been a deal breaker as well.

This story illustrates why sometimes women just grin and bear it during bad dates, and don’t always come out and honestly tell a man that they aren’t interested in him: because there is a small but very real danger that the man will react like this guy and threaten them physically.

well, it was my impression that if I were to “grin and bear it” I would be stuck having to deal with him after the date ended. And honesty as much as it sucks, is often, and esp in this case the best policy.

GOD FUCKING DAMMIT YOU DEFECTIVE, MENTALLY UNSTABLE VEGGIEVANGELIST, STOP RUINING THINGS FOR US NORMAL VEGETARIANS! SHIT! IT’S ENOUGH OF A PAIN IN THE ASS AS IT IS DEALING WITH IGNORANT PEOPLE WHO MAKE ASININE ASSUMPTIONS WITHOUT YOU FUCKING THINGS UP.

Now that that’s out of my system: J, I get the feeling that no matter when you decided to break it to him, he would’ve unleashed the crazy on you. Also, kudos to those dudes in the bar for intervening and walking you out to your car and all that. I can totally understand wanting to step back from dating after something like that, I just hope you don’t completely give up on dating forever because of it; I mean, there are always normal dudes out there somewhere even if they may be difficult to find.

P.S. That tofu in the picture looks fucking delicious.

@Observation:
I was just about to say that! Is it any wonder that some women take a more passive aggressive route to showing their disinterest, like not returning calls, etc.? It only takes one experience like this to make a woman a lot less forthright about her feelings in the guy’s presence. And incidents like this are not as rare as some may think, though this one IS pretty extreme.

I seriously lol’d at this. Poor woman. Thank goodness for crowded bars with people willing to help out.

Goodness. There was a lot packed into that 45 minutes!

I daresay the man’s age was relevant, while you can still expect a certain amount of self-centered immaturity from guys in their late teens, 51 is way beyond the reasonable leeway a person should have for such a severe lack in social grace and establishes him firmly in the “nutcase beyond help” category.

“Who would ever MAN OR WOMAN, ever put another person into such a crappy position to have to defend you own personal reasoning as to WHY you dont want to see them again”

there’s quite a lot of that around, actually.
“why not??” – seriously? you want to argue with me about whether i like you or not?

@ J… Yeah, I realize that calling you a c**t was way out of line too. I was just saying that a lot of men in these VWD stories take one look at the women and get it into their heads that they were meant to be together and start trying to change them five minutes into the date.

TMS, it’s so funny to see you say that, because it’s usually the guys who accuse the women of doing that!

Maybe when he called J a c*u*n*t, he meant it as in “C U next Tuesday!” LOL.

PSYCHO! I wish there was an “abuse” type of button when it gets flamy like but I guess the moderators keep an close on the commenting.

“…how he teaches philosophy…”
“He then screamed to “Get her the fuck out of here, I’m going to take her down.””

Probably an epistemologist; they have a lot of rage.

A streak of morbid curiosity sometimes makes me wonder how the crazy party in these stories would describe the event. Certainly they cannot be so self-aware as to say, “and that’s when I flew into a psychotic rage,” can they? Or do they? Which would be scarier: that they know they have a problem and have no control, or they don’t? I think it might be amusing (not to take the OP’s experience lightly; I don’t) to hear how they perceive their own behavior or situations or even day-to-day interactions. I have a feeling they aren’t experiencing events in the same way healthier individuals do.

After a dear friend dated a manipulative and emotionally abusive man, I wish there was some way to flag these people for future women and men. Impossible, I know, but when you run across someone like that and survive, I think you fear for their future prey. I guess you can file police reports for the appropriate situations. A friend once advised me to do background checks on men I dated. I thought it seemed a little overboard, but a quick check of the public records might not be so bad!

We’re happy to tell you that the OP did report the guy to JDate. And we’re always hoping to hear from the other person on the date so that they can have their fair say!

[...] week we had a psychotic JDater, a supposed young Donald Sutherland, a guy many of you called B.S. on, a super awkward grad student [...]

Was his name Meltose Larry?

@rawr: That tofu does look delicious. Positively delectable.

Well uh … I don’t know what to say except for this – OP you could have ran after he refused to change the conversation over. Anytime a woman feels REALLY awkward or bad through the duration of a date means disaster looms over the horizon.

When she mentioned “he suggested we talk through things such as eating habits since he’s a vegetarian and I am a meat eater” –> control freak alert!

Now as much as guys are screwed up, women are too. It goes both ways. Just need to find the normal ones out there who have their crap together.

What a complete egotistical jerk. On the behalf of male society, I would like to apologize to you for this cretin’s bad, bad behavior.

So long, JDate.com (a very short play)
My Fantasy Date

MFD: Hello, Lydia, I’m your Fantasy Date tonight. Nice to meet you.

LS: Hi. I must say, you are very attractive. In fact, you are considerably more attractive than anyone I have ever gone out with.

MFD: Thanks for saying so. I am also well-groomed and I smell good.

LS: Are you on a dating site? How did you find me?

MFD: It’s beshert! Nah, I read your terrific bio online. Your pictures are really cute and your fake age is easily believable. And, I’m into short women, as long as they aren’t too slender.

LS: Cool. What about you? What do you like to do in your free time?

MFD: Hey, I am your Fantasy Date. Our interests, politics and outlook on life are absolutely compatible. Besides, I’d much rather pretend to be interested in what you have to say.

LS: Well, um, er . . .

MFD: . . . don’t worry at all about making a good impression. I like you a lot already.

LS: This is turning out very well. Did you have anything in mind to do this evening?

MFD: Dinner and theater? I’m thinking either sushi or Middle Eastern. Then, would you prefer a big downtown musical or a little off-loop storefront production? I have heard great things about both. If you prefer, we can stay home. I’ll cook dinner, then we can make out.

fin

ok, I am sorry but why in the world you let him know you are afraid of him and other men have to come to your “rescue”
Grow som tits and learn to defend yourself, that is why you get to date scum like that

He’s just passionate, give him a break. Paying for the mineral water would have been a sold move.

oy, vey! This man you describe…he’s meshuga!

Date the gentleman who walked you to your car dumby, why do you need to online date? It is horible

I agree with Jessie!!! LOL unfortunately, even men that I meet in such random “chance” encounters where we ended up chatting then meeting up, I ended up at one point or another thinking, “ugh, where did I meet him?! never again…” Usually, if I’m not concerned for my actual safety, I try to just lean back and take in as many sordid details as possible to remember everything to tell my friends later!!!