Backpack Delight And Then Some…

In fairness, there’s truth to the statement that you’re a stuck up prude who looks down on other people and their habits. If you’re going to BE that way, at least own up to it.

(I’m not attacking you, so much as defending the honor of all stuck-up prudes everywhere—I”ve been known to be one myself.)

I would have had more sympathy for date #1 if she’d brought it rolled, instead of bringing a bong, fer cryin’ out loud.

Date #2′s fatal mistake was lying on her profile. Another case of not wanting to own up to what you are— it sounds too awful, on paper.

I just find it refreshing that there are people in this day and age who don’t approve of drug use. I would have right out told the second girl I didn’t approve instead of sneaking away though.

I´m all for legalizing weed, but you don´t do that in a first date.

I can understand that you do not want to take drugs and would not want to date someone who does, but just because someone does indulge doesn’t make them a bad person. And yes, just as with alcohol (another drug, although this time legal), it is possible to indulge without being an “addict”. I find your description of these two girls as “drug addicts” a rather naive exaggeration.

You call them both DRUG ADDICTS because they smoke a bit of weed …… GIVE ME A BREAK !!!!! There are thousands of people out there that use it casually …. they can take it or leave it and they find it relaxing to have an occasional bong …. doesn’t make them drug addicts ….. think you should crawl back into your shell !!!!!

it wouldn’t be a big problem for me, although i don’t smoke myself, but i have to agree that bringing a bong is a big WTF moment for a first date.

date nº2, does anyone responds truthfully to that question? “why yes i’m a big bong user, I take it with me everywhere! coke only on weekends, and crack on easter and Christmas!”

I mean, it sounds like your hard-line stance against drug is a big deal to you, why not broadcast it more openly? I agree, it’s ridiculous for the 1st girl to come in with a bong in her backpack, and for the second girl to have lied on her profile (and being entirely blase about taking her date with her to buy drugs, wtf). I feel like if these women had gotten a whiff of how very against drugs you were, they would have known to steer clear of you.

Kudos to your comment “I’m a major prick and I don’t put up with a lot” God, what a nice thing to see – someone owning up to their inflexibilities.

I don’t really care about the drug thing, but I’ll say this:

Well done on leaving both times !

Not because of the dope but because I’m tired of reading about bad dates when the person KNEW from the start it wasn’t going to go well and stayed anyway, only to find it getting worse by the minute, so yeah, it bothered you, you left, neither of you wasted mor time.

FFS – lighten up. “Reefer Madness” was made almost a hundred years ago. It is not “disgusting”. If it would make you feel better, your churchlady act probably totally killed her buzz.

I will admit, though, breaking out a bong in broad daylight, and out in the open is beyond stupid. Some potheads are really intent on screwing this up for the rest of us.

I agree with Glenn, make your preference known before you accept a date. I have a few deal-breakers myself and I bring them up before we make plans. Might help weed out (ha-ha, pardon the pun) people you don’t want to be around.

On the one hand, I thought that your referring to them as two “drug addicts” was a little old-fogeyish. On the other hand– what’s with not being able to function on a first date without getting high?

I’m a bit of a prudish snob myself when it comes to drugs. I admit that my stance is somewhat hypocritical & irrational, since I drink alcohol on occasion.

My husband was a huge pothead when I met him— though it annoyed me, I decided that his sterling qualities outweighed my prejudice against drugs. That said, I never nagged him to stop, he stopped because people eventually grow up & throw away their bongs (but , it was a coffee table fixture for years– ugh, all the spilled bong water I cleaned up!)

If he had whipped out the bong on our first date, it would have been a deal breaker for sure.

Or, maybe a pot-smoking guy is more acceptable to a non-pot-smoking girl than if the sexes were reversed? It’s a rather masculine vice– with the exception of feathered roach clips.

Where does the OP live that a girl would just whip out a bong and start smoking in public?

I don’t really understand why you should be expected to advertise that you are not a supporter of drug use. Like you said, to each his own, but it shouldn’t be the norm that someone is a drug addict! That’s like saying,
“Before we go out are you…
[pregnant][abusive][one of those people that carries a monkey every where they go][a ninja][fluent in English][infected with a serious influenza virus][etc.]”
Not that all of these things are intrinsically bad ( I think pregnant is a good thing in the right context) but goodness!!!! isn’t there anything that we don’t need to ask before a date?

I used to smoke pot, back before I had kids, and I probably would again BUT you don’t take a date with you to buy drugs anymore than you take them to buy anything else. Would you stop and buy cat food? Tampons? Garbage bags? No! Because you’re on a date, not out shopping.

Now of course if you’ve been dating a long time then things may be different.

I’m a huge pot head and I would never do that on a first date.

In fact, I would not meet anyone that I wasn’t sure was okay with it – or at least aware of it.

Your site makes for a great dating manual.

I like the pregnancy analogy. It is like having this huge, obvious issue that the dates were totally minimizing.

Wow, buddy — while I don’t condone the behavior of either woman you went on a date with, you look down on other people.

This sort of thing is all context anyways, and I seriously doubt that either of these women were “drug addicts” just because they smoked weed — especially since weed doesn’t have any physically addictive properties. So, obviously you live in the US somewhere and you’ve bought into all their war on drugs propaganda — fine, but you don’t have to be so hateful towards people who want to get a little stoned. Unless you’re a teetotaller, then you’ve indulged in mood altering substances yourself.

You should rent the movie Reefer Madness, it was made in 1936 and I think you would relate really well with the flick. You should NOT have left a lady alone whether she was buying drugs or not, classless and unsafe. Being anti-drug is fine, being a prick isn’t. See the movie

I didn’t realize law-abiding citizens were so hard to come by. Maybe it’s your perceived “type” …

@greg-OMG, I just saw this in the theater with the rifftrax, I was dying of laughter, it was so incredibly dry and had so many funny moments, sorry, couldn’t resist. Everyone seemed very stiff, even the danging was kind of corny

Well, obviously if it’s a law, it must be just! [/sarcasm]

Drug deals and bongs on a first date are tacky. I imagine if both are really into it and know that the other is, they could pull it off and have it be fine, but I wouldn’t assume they would do it.

This, however, irritated me: No offense to anyone who might enjoy some weed every now and again, but to me, it’s totally not my style, I want nothing to do with it and I frown upon it in the biggest way.

No offense, but you frown upon it in the biggest way? Every time you start a sentence “No offense” – you know you’re going to offend someone. Don’t be a douche; own your prejudices. You don’t have to like every person for every trait they have.

heh. You got to be kidding me! Here I am always looking to buy some nice weed and I never even once had found dealers. Where am I suppose to look anyway? they don’t exactly advertise their products on Craigslist you know! You found twice, not once freebie drugs! I have no doubt, god has little sadistic streak in him.

Karen, watched it last nite from Netflix, a friend told me about it, God I hope I didn’t look like that back in the day. Didn’t see any Twinkies, Doritos or Ben & Jerrys. Laughed my ass off

Dang, where are you finding these people? I will be honest and admit I find any sort of drug use unacceptable in potential relationships. I’m amazed at how open those women were about their habits. To each his own, I suppose. Hope you find the girl you are looking for.

Holy shit, a preference towards things that are legal? What a douche you must be!

Honestly though, the first girls excuse for whipping out a bong and continuing to smoke was that she was walking and it took her a long time to get there- really? As in “I’ve been without weed for at most an hour!”? Wow. Wow.

All that said, I don’t hang around with pot smokers because (as seen above) a growing number insist you must be a gigantic asshole if you don’t accept the drug they choose to partake in. Were all assholes for different reasons. Accept it.

Finally, a date story that makes me want to shout “AMEN!” to the heavens!

OP, you’re a prick after my own heart! I’m a San Francisco hippie and I’m all for legalizing weed (and gay marriage and everything else under the sun), but that doesn’t mean I can’t look down on those who use pot to f*ck up their lives.

Listen up, potheads: YOU ARE LOSERS. No one likes you except for other potheads. If you don’t want people to “look down on you,” then don’t commit low behavior. Simple, ain’ it?

And no, I’m not talking about those who toke up at a concert once in a blue moon – I’m talking about the wake n’ bakers who bring your bong everywhere and can’t go 10 minutes without a hit or without “stopping at a friend’s house” to get more. These chicks were clearly in the latter category. (While “addict” may have been a presumptuous word, there’s a chance they had serious problems if they had to buy and use their drugs within five minutes of a first date.)

This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?

Keep up the good fight, OP.

It doesn’t really matter whether or not the dates knew that the OP was against drugs. Imagine if the girl had pulled a handle out of her backpack to swig in the park, or if the girl had insisted they immediately go by the liquor store…we would all have thought it was strange. Doing something like that first thing on a date is indicative of a problem. If want to smoke, fine. But making it a part of your first date without consulting with the other person is just wrong.

Gotta totally second Panquake for this one. And the OP too.

PS: Mr Op, if you’re from Pittsburgh, I’m available

I agree that both instances were quite tacky (I’d be majorly turned off and not continue either date and I’m not even against drug use). However, I can’t help but feel that you actually do look down on other people and you’re a bit smug about it, which makes me lose all sympathy for you.

In all honesty, probably noone cares if you are anti-drug. I’m not, but it doesn’t bother me that you want nothing to do with people that use drugs; I want nothing to do with giant misogynists. But you have to own it. Stop apologizing for your stance and saying that “it doesn’t bother you” if other people want to use drugs, because it obviously does. It just makes you sound like someone who desperately wants everyone to like you.

I had to google “bong”, I guess that means it’s time to crawl back into my cave. (note to self: ignorance is not good!)

OP if you’re in Tucson, AZ you can give me a shout out, I’m drug free

I fail to see the outrage in calling potheads drug users. A drug, broadly speaking, is any substance that, when absorbed into the body of a living organism, alters normal bodily function. Pot does this does it not? If it didn’t it wouldn’t be used.

Personally I am against the use of non-medicinal drugs. Yes, I include tobacco and alcohol in that statement. And the overuse of pharmaceuticals. I also reserve the right to choose who I associate with. I rarely drink, my friends tend to be non-drinkers or light social drinkers. I don’t tell them they can’t drink, I just tend to not be around when they do.

Would you prefer the OP bite his tongue, not want to go on the date yet go through the charades of having a good time? Why bother, life is to short.

OH NOES SHE IS DOING SOMETHING ILLEGAL.

But what decided that legality? Hmmm, could it be because it was bad for the public? Obviously not since we still fluoride the fuck out of our water. Hmmm, wait wait, I think I know?!?!!!

Big business set out to destroy hemp’s ability to make great paper products (logging and paper businesses weren’t too happy to be unsupported in the destruction of our land) and very strong ropes (nylon was pissed about that).

Legality is a relative term decided by the people… or at least the people in power. Read a little on the effects of any drug and start thinking on your own. There’s a reason I ingest grown substances while turning my nose up to shit made in bathtubs. To each their own, some of us like the corn cob in our butts removed and replaced occasionally while it’s obvious many love having the whole corn field shoved so deep they repeat “BUT IT’S ILLEGAL” as if it has any meaning.

Please never waste my time with your close-minded, uneducated, hypocritical shit. I have a loving boyfriend who respects me for being myself without judging me by his standards. That is right when he would stop loving me.

But who wants to love someone when they can judge, no?

Meshell,

I understand and believe that to each his own; so as you’re happy trying grown substances, why can’t the OP be happy not having them a be a part of his world? No, he didn’t exactly phrase it well but essentially it’s just his preference, like yours is yours. Maybe he has a reason behind it. I had somebody very close to me die from a drug overdose at a young age, (and it wasn’t the bathtub suff either) so like the OP, it would be an automatic deal breaker for me.

Everybody has a story to tell, including the OP. Don’t dismiss him so easily or else you become what you accuse him of being: closed minded.

Hey Meshell – he said nothing about the illegality of it, did he? He could be focused on any “mind altering” substance – legal or not.

And your diatribe about taking a corn cob out of the rear is rendered a little moot by your own rant….chill a bit It’s a nice straw man you’ve created, but it’s sort of out of proportion to the story.

“…I think pregnant is a good thing in the right context…”
Wait. Just being pregnant? What about being a ninja? That would be AWESOME!

Hrm, while I agree that the behavior of both girls was very inapproriate for a first date, I was kind of off-put by how judgemental the OP came across in his telling of the story. That’s hard luck finding two smokers in one day, but really that’s why we date right? To sift through all the people to find someone we like? Anyhow OP – I hope you find what you’re looking for.

“But who wants to love someone when they can judge, no?”

Pot calling the kettle black much, Meshell? You’re judging the OP just as much as he’s judging his dates.

Hot damn, I could make a fortunte selling weed to people on this site!

@ Tanek – or conspiracy theories

Hm. The OP has certain things that are dealbreakers and he (she, or whatever) broke off the dates when the women he was dating had those certain qualities. It’s not that big a deal.

We all have our dealbreakers and we are all judgmental about things we feel are important to us to at least some extent (whether we claim to be judgmental or not). I don’t believe in intoxication (Rather, I don’t believe in upsetting the body’s’ homeostasis.). If I found out that somebody I was dating used drugs recreationally or drank a lot, I’d have to cut it off because a further relationship would just not work, for either me or my date. But that is a judgment. That is me being judgmental. I will not deny that. I’m not going to rub my beliefs in my hypothetical date’s face, that’s douchey, but I will make it clear that the relationship will not work out.

But honestly, even if the OP did thing people who used drugs were evil, scum-sucking agents of Satan, he’s allowed to think that. Just as much as anyone else is allowed to disagree with him, find him unpleasant, and stay the hell away from him.

I’m a bit paranoid about the MJ: happens when I had to explain away every speeding ticket I’ve ever had and provide references for every address I’ve lived at in the last 15 years just so I could practice my profession. I’d have no desire to find myself in a public place where I could just as easily be ticketed for some stupid pot-related offense as the person smoking. But, there are plenty of my colleagues that still toke up, so more power to them…it’s just not for me.

@rawr – you get 4 points for the use of “homeostasis” in a post.

i know anything’s possible, but this reads like fiction.

While I might quibble about the label of “drug addict” vs. “drug-dependent”, the OP has every right to his stance, and I applaud just walking away.

I’m in a field where any drug-related offense on my record would make me near-unemployable for life and I stand a good chance of having to go through both polygraph and drug testing when applying for a job. If someone I just met a few minutes ago thinks that it’s acceptable to put my freedom and future at risk, they’re flat-out assholes.

Do I think that pot should be legal? Sure. It’s certainly (by pretty much all scientific and anecdotal evidence) no worse than alcohol, which is legal, and might be better for you in some situations. In some cases it’s even better, and as someone with a chronic pain condition I kind of wish that it was. The second that it is legal, it won’t bother me in the least. Until then? I walk as well.

So, people are judging the OP for judging the girls he is on a date with. Hypocritical much?

If he doesn’t want to date a pothead (& yes, they were potheads) then that’s his business. If you feel attacked because of this story, no one forced you to read it or comment on it.

Personally, I don’t smoke pot. I have, it wasn’t for me (& would damage my potential career) but if others want to do it, then fine. Just don’t drag me into it. I would have ended those dates too because regardless of preference, it shows a major lack of class.

I gotta agree with Claire on this one. The OP kept saying “no offense” then started to offend people. Then he went on about how it was no big deal to him when, in fact, it was. He should just tell people straight away that he is anti-drug.

If they can’t even get through an hour of a date without needing to smoke, they qualify as addicts.

Hey, at least, it wasn’t crack! Was it? Imagine someone whips out a crack pipe… That’ll be crackheads’ MyVeryBestDate!

Wow! I love my bong as well, that’s why I leave it home! What a class act for whipping it out…If it was her tact that you looked down upon, yeah, I get that. But as a medicinal smoker (make all the witty comments and ” ” marks you like with that) She might have needed it for a long walk. MS hurts. I don’t know what her issue was but sometimes a toke is all you need. What she really needs is a lesson in manners and breaching a subject gracefully. And maybe a joint roller.

Also, what makes a pot head? A person that has consumed pot in one way or another? Or someone that does it to the point that someone else disapproves of? Who’s disapproval level are we trying to meet for requirements? I dunno, maybe I’m sick of being called out by people that think pills are the true way to all healthy living. Even if it kills you.

@MMMichelle – IMHO, toke away! If MJ works for you and your MS that’s a helluva lot cheaper and less side-effect causing of a treatment than Tysabri or Avonex.

the OP, yesterday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JQBFF-rDzw

I agree that pot smoking is a deal breaker (asthma, anyone? I respect my lungs, I expect anyone I date to respect them, too. But if I’m being honest, it’s more that I can’t stand strong smells), but OP’s tone is just too jerkish to sympathize with. If this had been about half as long as it is (i.e., if you’d told the story straight without repeating yourself and adding in more judgments than necessary), it would have been better.

As it is, I think OP was just about as bad a date as his dates. And who goes on two dates in one day?

An addict is someone who can’t control their need for a substance. These two dates couldn’t control their need for weed long enough to get through a date… given the situations I’m not totally against the use of the word.

OP, I completely agree with your stance on drugs. Don’t apologize for it or justify it, that’s what you believe. Both of those girls were addicts, esp. the bong carrier. If you can’t get through a date without taking said drug, you are an addict, plain and simple. I also hate alcohol and tobacco. Drugs and alcohol tore my family apart and my parents smoking around me gave me asthma from second hand smoke. That crap is not a joke and it ruins peoples’ lives. No argument will ever be good enough to justify drug use, I don’t care how good or calm it makes you feel. It doesn’t make someone a “prude” just because they don’t do things that are irresponsible. I guess with this mentality a woman or man is also a prude if they don’t sleep with everyone available.

“These two dates couldn’t control their need for weed long enough to get through a date”

I don’t think we know enough about them to go all DSM-IV (almost V!) on them. Someone pointed out above that they use marijuana frequently as treatment for their MS. That means they have MS, not a drug addiction. Also, there’s totally a chance the dates just didn’t know this was inappropriate behavior. That sucks and is a different issue.

Like I said, tacky (unless as noted above and DEFINITELY NOT TACKY if it was a pain issue). But, otherwise, I’m on Team Ariadne!

“No argument will ever be good enough to justify drug use, I don’t care how good or calm it makes you feel.”

How about TREATING PAIN FROM CANCER.

Seriously, fuck you and your pedestal.

Regardless about how everyone feels about being 420 friendly or not, I’m glad you stuck to your guns. To each his own when it comes to recreational pharmaceuticals I always say, but everyone should be upfront about their habits because a relationship just isn’t going to work between two people with vastly different values. Good for you for knowing your limits.

Heroin is a pretty good narcotic too, Claire. Not a big fan, though. Should I get off that pedestal, too?

Claire, I gotta agree with you again. Hey, Tronner, people who have cancer or any other mortal disease usually take narcotics to ease the pain. Yeah, heroin is a derivative of morphine, but we aren’t applauding the use of heroin. There are people who take narcotics for pain and what KC said was insensitive even a bit ignorant. And, yes, you need to get off your pedestal.

What do you expect when you listed that you were desperate for Funyuns and Cheetos as your main interests.

To quote Clueless:
“It is one thing to spark up a dubie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day”

Even if you are ok with that type of behaviour a first date in a park is not the place to be doing it. I, myself, am very much against it and like the OP it would definately be a dealbreaker. If my date was doing it at a party or a festival or somewhere where it was more common and it is restricted to there and not brought home I may be ok with it. But any way you look at it, it is illegal.

“So, people are judging the OP for judging the girls he is on a date with.” No, Andrew, we’re judging him because he’s a prick. By his own admission, and the reasons given by other commenters.

I have nothing against smoking, and indulge myself occasionally – its a lot like a cheeky drink or two in/out with mates. But gotta say time, place and company for everything.

If it was a first date, I think if I was with a guy who broke out a hip flask, and started knocking back a few chugs of whiskey within 10 minutes into a meeting them “because it had been a long journey meeting me”, alarm bells would be going off in my head.

Worst date? HARDLY.

Of course they take narcotics to ease the pain, that’s not my point at all. My point is, the vaaaaaast majority of MJ users aren’t dying of cancer. They want to get high – and I completely understand that. But don’t turn the OP’s idiotic dates into Stage 4 Lymphoma patients.

Moreover, what KC said was insensitive? How about listening to his or her own reasons why they hate drugs? People have reasons for thinking the way they do. Without trying to understand that, you run the risk of, well…looking like an insensitive ass as well.

If you didn’t want to date a (tobacco) smoker you’d get far less shit than for not wanting to date a pothead.

You don’t have to apologize for not wanting to go out with druggies.

Yeah OP keeps repeating himself about how he hates illegal drug users. May be his hate is that strong. Take a chill pill people!

The true villain is the friend of the OP who set him up with a girl like that in the first place. From the sound of things, this guy is some lame Tucker Max wannabe (for real, a dating site? Who does that?) and got set up with this girl by his friends as a practical joke- they must’ve known how uptight he is, and his reaction to her. They’ll probably be laughing about this for weeks, if not years, to come.

“People have reasons for thinking the way they do.” What I assume you meant to say was, “Only people who air their emotional baggage on the internet have reasons for thinking the way they do.” – because clearly you don’t think that this is true for everyone.

Also, I pointed out that this person’s universal was bigoted. I honestly don’t see how generalizing from their own experience to discriminate against people who are terminally ill makes it less bigoted. That’s all I said. No one talked about heroin at all. I honestly have no clue how you thought that was the natural progression from “Hey, a very good reason people should be allowed to use pot without your judgment is when they need it to manage pain.” Sorry bud, but massive logic fail. Almost as bad as the idiot upthread who went from looking down on people who use pot to the apparent natural progression of slut-shaming.

If you’re not able to see how other illegal drugs with medicinal use comes up in a conversation about medical MJ (which wasn’t part of the original post at all) then I don’t really know what to tell you, sis.

Claire: this thread (the entire 73 posts) jumps around like…well…a typical internet thread…people are attacking others right and left over a single word or phrase in an post (yourself included) so don’t get so bent out of shape when someone does it to you.

@tronner – that was a bit of a stretch, though but I see your point. I hope I can say “marijuana is bad” and not be accused of hating on cancer patients.

really? – That person was a douche and I called him or her out on it. I can get “bent out of shape” when someone tries to cue the morality card. Also, the person in question didn’t say marijuana is bad – they said there’s never a case where you can use it where it’s justifiable. I brought up one where it’s reprehensible to blame the user.

Tronner, if you meant medicinal heroin (which did not come across at all because you used a blanket term originally), then yeah, douchebag. It’s none of your business to judge what doctors prescribe to help terminal patients deal with their pain. Get off the pedestal.

Both girls are peculiar, to say the least. OP’s language was restrained under the circumstances.

I applaud him not sitting through either date with his teeth gritted and his eyes slitted. There’s too much of that on this site. Ladies, take note.

Claire – you keep repeating yourself. What pedestal do you think I”m on exactly? I don’t give a fuck what people ingest in their body. I do, however, give a fuck what I do that may get me in trouble, or what people do around me that may get me in trouble. And that’s a sad thing, I think – when possession of an eight ounce of MJ is a crime (or even a pipe with residue), but I can buy a gallon of booze and drink myself to death with it without any problems.

My whole point – and it is quite clear I may have gone down Tangential Road – was that your original response to…KC?…was pretty vitriolic. I felt you were making a mountain out of a mole hill by picking an extremely limited use of MJ and then telling he or she what a prick they were for not realizing that limited example, when, in fact they may have blinders on. Maybe you have a friend or relative who has gone through chemo and MJ has helped with the nausea. I don’t know. More likely, you just wanted to make point and clearly you have a pretty strong opinion about it – but therein lies the danger of accusing someone at eye level of standing on a pedestal.

Looking back, I’m not sure where you got that I judge doctors, or their patients for rx’ing MJ. In fact I thought I’d made it clear I was pretty supportive of MJ use for non-terminal and even non-prescription use. See, e.g. my 9/1/2010, 4:18pm post.

76 comments is more than enough so we’re going to close this one up here. We’re all for vigorous debate but we’d like to remind you that this is merely a blog (a humor one at that). Keep calm, dear commenters.