A MVWD Averted

“Though I show you my intellectual admiration of (the apparent) you, I suspect I would not give you all that you want.”

Hey! He’s breaking up with you already.

You two had a beautiful thing going– until you mucked it up, with the dizzying list of attributes you demand in a potential mate.

Nevermind what I mean by this, it’s not that important.

Awesome! I work with a bunch of computer programmers that talk almost exactly like this. If you went on a date with him, you’d find he’s a pale, thin and shy chap, and you probably wouldn’t fancy him.

He’d definitely buy you some stuff if you asked him nicely though, as he’s earning loads of money someplace doing something that doesn’t involve people at all.

Stereotyping? Me??

As a writer by career… reading a message written in this way makes me cringe far more than reading a message in text speak. It reeks of pretentiousness and arrogance.
He throws the word ‘intellectual’ around far too often for it to be by accident, and yet he doesn’t come across as someone you could have an intellectual conversation with.
He slipped in all the subjects he’s previously studied then follows it by trying to explain that he isn’t trying to impress you. Then what the hell is he trying to do, bore you to death?

It’s fine, we get it, you have access to a thesaurus. Good for you. Now write like someone real and not a robot.

I think you got trolled.

This text alone makes me never wanting to try online dating. Just thinking of being on this guy radar scares the hell out of me… firearms and obsessions? can you say, “crazy murdering stalker”?

Zak– the stereotype you put forth is offensive and ignorant. My husband is a pale, thin, socially-awkward software designer who never buys me anything.

I’m 50/50 as to whether this guy is actually making fun of you a bit. His first couple of comments really made me laugh- like he was taking your general, sort of cliched statements and basically being a smart arse.

To me it just seemed he didn’t know how to carry on the joke through the rest of his analysis.

Anyway- it gave me a laugh.

He writes like a guy I work with who openly shares his online dating experiences with colleagues and showed a few members of staff pictures of, erm, “himself”

Hmmm… I don’t know, after reading this, I really don’t think he was being serious. Actually, I think the guy was making fun of you.

I mean, the snippets of your profile that he includes certainly don’t rpaint you in any kind of positive way. Couple that with his responses and I got to say, I think he was being sarcastic and making fun of you. I think he read your profile, thought it was ridiculously stupid and then wrote you a mean, really sarcastic note that just flew right past you.

Which, if true, makes this the most extra special awesome MVWD entry ever…

@Ted

How are we to know that the sarcastic meaning of the note “flew right past” her? Perhaps that was another reason why she felt it was a MVWD averted. If anything has done any flying past anyone here, it would seem to me that you completely missed the fact that the gentleman in question took tiny bits of her profile completely out of context to tear apart.

Come on, his bit where he took “…is my new obsession” and twisted it? That could have been about anything from her new love of yoga to everyone’s favorite glittering vampire. I think you are giving too much credit to this run-of-the-mill date site troll and too little to the submitter.

I totally agree Ted! I wrote something saying the same thing but it seems to still be undergoing moderation. I’m glad someone else sees it that way- it cracked me up.

@Ammy

Maybe, but the fact that she posted it, the general “tone” of her set-up, makes me believe she thought he was serious, as in a “whew, dodged that bullet” kind of way. Where as, if she thought he was just being a mean asshole, it would never have been a potential date to begin with…

And no, I got the fact that he twisted her profile around… you see… that was my whole point.

@Lisa
“Zak– the stereotype you put forth is offensive and ignorant. My husband is a pale, thin, socially-awkward software designer… (who never buys me anything.”)

sorry, but this made me laugh so hard, my coffee came out my nose and i darn near choked!!!

The OP sounds like one of those paranoiacs that sees a stalker behind every tree. If you actually read carefully, the guy is not looking to date her, only to tell her how much he liked her profile. Yes, he’s a super nerd, but I don’t see how this is a VWD avoided since neither party seemed to be seeking one.

Hey, I didnt give you permission to post my email!

I myself am a hopelessly introverted nerd, and I will tell you right now. This guy…

tries..

too..

hard…

Women like a little mystery. This guy completely lays everything out in HIS FIRST E-MAIL. Nerds, like other men, feel compelled to beat their chests. This guy spent way too much time beating his “intellectual” chest, trying to impress the girl, that he doesn’t realize that he’s driving her away from him.

It took me 40 years to figure this out.

@ Jeff- I’m the OP. I don’t see stalkers everywhere, I swear. Just thought this was one of the oddest communications I’d ever received.

I have no idea if the guy was serious or not, but didn’t really care to find out either. I don’t think I would’ve been able to relate to him very easily!

He has an entirely unique interpretation of the rules of punctuation and sentence structure. He also sounds EXACTLY like a bloviating douchebag I know. Why are there so many of these people?!

Ha ha, totally making fun of the OP. How rude.

As someone who only sees the government and black helicopters behind every tree (rather than the stalkers that Jeff was talking about), I think this guy was creepy as hell!

But he’s also laughable.

Over use of parentheticals.
Hyphen-ating when no hyp-hen-ating was neces-sary
Misuse of; the semi-colon. He seems to love it; using it in place of nearly every other form of punctuation out there; in fact; he has two or three of them in ev-ery; sentence!
His off-hand comment about the 1911 pistol. I sort of wondered if he threw that in there from a video game manual or something. Or a quick wikipedia search.
And, lastly, the P.S., Such a meaningless addition in a world where you can cut and paste and edit anything you want.

I’m sort of sad the OP didn’t just take one for the team and go out with this guy. I’m sure the date would have tried to wow her with his extensive knowledge about the Pinot Noir grape. There would be awkward hand holding (copious amounts of palm sweat, of course). His eye contact would be unflinching and his voice somewhere above a whisper but below normal conversation tone. I also imagine he’d use finger quotes a lot. His (apparent) interest in you only serves as fuel for his own narcissistic preening.

You really missed out, OP! A date with this guy (full SWAT team escort, armed with their own 1911 pistols, plus body armor for you, of course) would have produced enough MVWD material to last months!

@ Lisa, Oh my gosh, your comment made my day… seeing as how it’s 8 AM and I’m at work. Day successfully saved.

So he wrote you this long winded piece of (trying to impress you with his intellect) message, wasting your time and his, just so he could say he wasn’t interested in you?

I”m deleting my pof account. I’ve lost all faith.

@Zak – I don’t know where you’re from but all the IT geeks I know are dress trendy, smart, witty, and handsome as all hell. Old sterotypes of computer geeks etc is way out of date.
Granted I’m sure there are still some oldschool socially awkward nerds out there.

Memo – Geeks, nerds, and dorks are where it’s at!

Tronner’s right!

OP, we demand that you email him back and set up a date at once. Where’s your sense of adventure? We want MORE of this nerdy beguiler!

omg! I know this guy! He is not a nerd even old school type. He is in love with himself and his “intellectual” He does not want a date from you, he just wants admiration for his ability to use of the thesaurus and word intellectual. He thinks that he is the only one who gets the “real” meanings of words and that fact alone should have attract women like moths to candle. He is so self obsessed that it does not even matter who you are. You could be anyone it’s just about him. Noticed apparent before every “you” in his email? I think you certainly averted the worst date there. You would have died of irritation, I know I would have!

He threw out that he had studied physics, psychology, philosophy, Probably that means he has at least one book on these subjects in his library, degrees not so much.

yup. geeks R where it is at. I married one. he is not socially inept, shy. He’s a normal socially adjusted person who makes video games for a large company and is happy. he also cooks nicely and brings me floweres. coz all ladies like be appreciated. that guy just sounded RUDE. and snotty…and pretentious….and ew. good thing you avoided it.

P.S. It does help to have a computer guy on hand that you don’t have to pay out the wazoo to look at your computer.

Damnit!
Tanek beat me to it!

Does the Match de Bergerac have a deep pit in a shed with a Pulley and bucket set-up, and does he wear really strange jackets?

In the topo-chronological hyperline which my mind chooses to accept as our collective (apparent) Reality, I deign to absolutely classify this guy as a Dorkus supremus.

That was… intense.

Methinks someone takes themselves a little too seriously.

Karen, whether you pay your husband in the wazoo or out the wazoo–tmi

I think it’ s interesting that some here see the joker as narcissistic and overly self-assured. I see the total opposite. I think he’s massively insecure. His profoundly tortured prose and obsessive deconstruction (of what is supposed to be a simple “hello”) just screams

“Hey! I’m really, really, really SMART! Pleeeeeeeeease think I’m smart! I may not be as good looking at the other guys here. I may not have as much money. I may not be as worldly or charming. I may not have a clue of how to speak to women. BUUUUUUT I’m SMART!”

I think this story was: wonderful

JChief: Yeah, but the guy also issued a preemptive strike against her–he concluded his jargon-alicious ramble by saying he WASN’T interested in dating her! So his message was more like “I’m really really SMART and I don’t think you’re good enough for me!”

Verdict: 75% dork, 25% douche.

I love this debate. It is “Cross-fire” on dorks. And I’m a master expert on the subject.

Panquake: I picked up the “pre-emptive” shot, too, but I honestly think this guys EXPECTS to be rejected. So, like any guy, he wants to pretend that he didn’t want the date anyway. He’s just holding on to the hope that the girl is completely bedazzled by his rhetorical and analytical genius (and Wildian wit), that she would BEG him to date her. So let’s add passive-aggression to the list of crimes.

Case in point: I bet my savings account (meager that it is) that if the girl were to respond, and float the possibility of a meeting, this guy would be all over it like stink on an ape.

@ JChief – It’s always been my extremely amateur-and-in-no-way-based-upon-objective-evidence opinion that most narcissistic individuals have huge insecurities.

and I”m not betting my equally meager savings account on that wager. If anything, the dude probably has read about reverse psychology at the very least

You nailed it Zak, that’s exactly what I was thinking: pale, thin, shy, and probably never had a serious girlfriend before.

There’s a really fine line between a nerd and (if I may ResoftheStory) a Dorkus Supremus. I recently made the mistake of dating what I thought was a nerd but infact turned out to be a Dorkus Supremus; he was just as freaky as this guy. I could never tell when he was joking at my expense, and when he was being serious. Somebody even commented that they couldn’t tell if he was a genius stuck in his bubble of knowledge, or just plain mad. Either way I ran.
Run, OP, run! (Oh!…wait. you already did that)

“My intellectual admiration of the (apparent) you:”

AFTER READING THAT LINE, I’M LIKE ‘oh f*ck, another poet/prophet/cheesy @ss’.

I can only wonder how long it took this guy to type this out, proofread it, and … triple proofread it. Probably threw a good 2 hours down the toilet.

Phoenix…two hours down the toilet for the original template maybe, and then ten or fifteen minutes per original post. I highly doubt this was his first attempt at sounded sincere, intellectual, learned in all things semi-colon and flattery.

Ya get the feeling that if the OP had actually gone out with this guy that the entire night’s conversation would have been about him? How smart he is, how great he is, how intellectually superior he is to just about everyone else on Earth. Ending his half of the conversation with “Enough about me, now you talk about me.”

oops…”subsequent post” not “original post”

Musings of a Dorkus Supremus

My intellectual admiration of the apparent you
will never see these lonely nights through
Please, please, please tell me that you
will send me a wink that I am due

Are you being facetious? Facts are wonderful things
and all the brilliant thoughts my mind will bring
to a world of mental serfs, my brain is king
Don’t you feel your little heart zing?

Given the context of this interpersonal interaction
I don’t believe that I will get even a fraction
of the much needed, crucial traction
to get to my goal of sexual satisfaction

Though I show you my intellectual admiration
I have no hope of getting your stimulation
my only fate is that of frustration
and into the hand of blessed masturbation

Frazier emailed you?!?! Wow!

Oh gosh.. If I can’t spell Frasier correctly I have no chance with this guy!!

JChief wins. Brilliant!

JCHIEF …pure brilliance! love it, love it, love it!

oh and did i mention??? i love it!!

JChief- it’s got a nice beat, but you can’t dance to it.

JChief, did you ever know that you’re my hero? I’m a sucker for found poetry!

Narcissistic Personality Disorder from begining to end.

The way this guy writes reminds me of the guy that the main character from I Love You, Man’s mother sets him up with on a man date.

wazoo=wallet. although since i’ve had the computer he built i’ve had very little problems.

So what kind of woman would make this guy share intellectually intimacy? More likely brunette than blonde…profile pic NOT showing her drinking a PBR…my discretionary income is on a girl with a sweater and spectacles.

OMG I know someone like this guy. And he’s a total pompous twit (probably overcompensating for some deep-seated insecurities, but nevertheless pompous). He sends messages like this to a whole lot of girls he doesn’t know, and then gets progressively more crazy. Especially when they ignore him.

I think you dodged a bullet there, and not just because of his grammar genocide.

this guy would give me the willies. I’m in the language profession and I love a literate, witty person, but this guy is just trying too hard and it doesn’t even sound like he reads that much. It sounds like a hodgepodge of bad fantasy novels, a few poems he read on the internet, shlocky vampire movies and an attempt at being romantic (in the true, Romantic poet sense). Because girls LOVE THAT! Your instincts are bang on. RUN AWAAAAAAAAY!

@Lisa: fabulous comment.

Thanks for the nice words

It reads like a badly translated instruction manual. Either the guy was trying to mock the OP or he’s not a native speaker and is trying out western-style wooing via Google Translate and babelfish…

I think he’s a prison inmate with access to a computer & thesaurus. He whiles away his days critiquing Match.com profiles.

“P.S. Please excuse the manner in which I convey my meanings; it’s a conglomeration of jargon from study of various fields (physics, psychology, philosophy, etc.). And I should state this, for I fear: I do not speak or write to everyone in this way; in fact, I hide it from most; I do not do it to “impress you” (I mean that in the colloquial sense); it is more a reflection of intellectual intimacy that I have shared with you.”

what a crock of poop! i read the same stuff and i do not run around speaking that way to anyone, unless of course it is someone i.e. my brother that has “studied” the same stuff.

this guy was trying to wow her with his “apparent” intellect, which simply means he is so insecure he needs to feel superior to her, ergo his comment about not being the match for her…what a dork!

i actually had a guy give me hell about my profile one time, because i asked my potential date to be “fit and active” he said, i had some nerve considering i was so fat and out of shape in his opinion. just because i am on the chubby side, doesn’t mean i am a slovenly pig, nor do i expect my potential date to be mr. muscle. i wanted someone active and healthy and one does not have to be a total gym buff to be this way contrary to the belief of that idjit.

yikes! so many losers and so little time.

Reminds me of my first business memo. I used all the long words I knew and my boss called me into his office and reminded me that my objective was to communicate, not to try to impress. Lesson learned.

So nobody thinks him writing like that is a JOKE? It is way too ridiculous to be true, it’s just trolling. GAH.

Adding to Zak’s comment, chap with a gun. Scary, very scary.

Hugs!!!!

Actually he made me think of the Trinity Killer!

@Frau… dexter season six begins on sept. 26 at least thats the date we have in canada. wonder how poor dex is doing after last seasons horrid ending.

love john lithgow as a baddy.

p.s. i hear a horse’s whinny and neigh each time i read your nickname on here.

I know I’m super late to the game, but I LOVE this thread. Poetry, punctuation abuse, nerd/dork/geek discussion…. <3

BTW- I'm totally onboard with OP going on the date. Or hey, maybe you could email me his profile. I'm a brunette with glasses. I think the MVWD crowd needs this story.

omg. he is totally making of this girl. it’s so obvious!!

Pardon me… but before I even read any comments… I’d just like to say that I appreciate the way the man wrote. I mean… It’s very very wordy… but if you translate it into normal speech… it’s really rather cute. But I’m quirky like that. Although, he could have left out the quoting everything from the OP’s Website Ad.

But that being said..there’s no way in hell I’d ever talk to this dude. He seems to be quite the smart arse (like my ex lover/daughter’s father) and would seemingly lord it over you at any opportunity. Cant stand guys like that… but again, I would have been and am amused by the letter he wrote to you And I would not have written back either, unless it were to say ” Thank you but no thank you.” And leave it at that.