Rude Dude
I went to one of the larger Universities in Los Angeles and there were a few local bars in the area. I frequented one of them the most, as it had a decent bar set up with areas for my friends and I could dance. It was the place all your friends went to and you were always guaranteed to have a good time. Oh, and it had an amazing two dollar pint night/four dollar liter night.
I had broken up with a boyfriend that summer (by this time, maybe two months prior) and was on the prowl. My priority at this time was to just have fun and that night was going pretty well. Dancing and drinks later, this decent looking guy came up to me. He had said that he left the bar with his friends and saw me enter, only to wait in line and come back in to be able to talk to me. Flattering line, right? The guy was clearly drunk but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, because really what did I have to lose, and I gave him my phone number.
Normal Date #1: After he had called me, the first date we planned on was a hiking date in Runyan Canyon. I enjoy doing outdoorsy activities and was pleased I had met someone that had a common interest. All in all, the date ended well and I was hoping I would get a second.
Disaster Date #2: Let me start by saying that I am not a shallow person. Physical attraction is important to me, but coupled with that has to come other good attributes. This guy was cute, not a stud, but with the type of person he is… I wouldn’t be surprised if he dies alone. Or gets divorced a few times before he seeks some sort of therapy and heals his disgusting personality. Maybe you will agree with me…
We had a plan to go to Skybar on Sunset Boulevard. I dressed nicely and was pleased with the way he appeared; another plus as a man – he has to be a good dresser for appropriate situations. He drove a nice car, had a nice smile… how bad could it be, right?
Let me just side note for a second and say that no matter how nice you think the guy, always be prepared for the worst and take the necessary precautions. In this case, my roommate (I am going to call her Jamie) gave me her pepper spray. Thank God.
My date, let us call him Andy, opened my car door for me, engaged in good conversation on the way, and was overall doing pretty well as far as dating goes. Skybar was very nice. We sat down right away outside and got a nice view of the city. The area has these beds and lounging benches that have really nice upholstery on them. Sign number one my date may not be what I had thought: Andy sat Indian style with his feet on the nice, expensive fabric to face me. Everyone was looking. Not only was his positioning awkward, as this man was hunched over balancing on a bench, but it was just so rude! The waitress was not happy and asked him to not put his shoes on the bench, a request he flat out ignored. I looked past this and tried to enjoy myself.
The waitress came back with drink menus and handed one to each of us. I hadn’t even the chance to hold the menu more than a few seconds when Andy snatched it from my hand…
Andy: “I am going to order for you.”
Me: “Excuse me, but I would rather order for myself.”
Andy: “I said I am ordering for you.”
Note, I did not like the way he is talking to me and I have allergies to certain types of alcohol…
*Awkward silence. Waitress comes back*
Andy: “We will have… blah blah blah.”
The drinks came and mine was some purple martini looking thing (strike one, I dont like martinis. I am a jack and coke kind of girl). I took a sip and it didn’t taste half bad. I took another and started feeling an uncomfortable feeling I have had before. So I asked the waitress what was in my drink. She told me. I turned to Andy, saying “This is why I wanted to order my own drink. I am allergic to champagne.” Turned back to waitress and ordered a Jack and coke with a big glass of water. Andy was not even phased by what just happened and thought everything was cool.. it was not.
At this point, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. I texted my roommates and best friend, who were at the local bar I described earlier, and told them I may need saving. They were on standby. My other friend happened to be in the area and I told her she may have to come get me. She was also on standby.
The date proceeded… Andy had just quit smoking cigarettes. Being an outside bar, people were smoking outside – which prompted him to mention he had just quit smoking every time someone lit up. After hearing it for what seemed the 20th time, it was beginning to get old. At one point the conversation turned to the topic of pot.
Andy: “I just quit smoking. It is really hard to be around cigarettes. Have you ever smoked pot?”
Me: “Um…”
Andy: “You know what feels really good when you are high?”
Me:” What?”
Andy: “Sex.”…. The next part of this he said with a straight face and was dead serious. “We should go get high and have sex.”
Me: “Excuse me I need to go to the bathroom…”
I began to call and text my friends SOSes in hopes I would be rescued. Two of my girls are at the local bar still and suggested I just come home and hang out with them. Sounds like a plan, I thought. I walked back and mentioned it to Andy. He said that sounded all right and asked for the check. In the meantime, he felt compelled to keep inching closer to me, probably because he thought I was going to kiss him which was not at all going to happen. When it was obvious I was uncomfortable, Andy thought telling me a story would ease the tension. He picked the wrong story… (I will try my best to retell it as accurately as possible)
Andy: “Want to hear a funny story?”
Me: What else were we gonna do? “Sure. Let’s hear it.”
(By the way, he had just moved to LA from Miami… this will be important now and a little later.)
Andy: “My dad was gone one weekend from our apartment so I decided to have my best friend over and these two girls. Don’t worry I wasn’t hooking up with them or anything. We got really drunk and were in the jacuzzi and then decided it was time to move things inside. So I take one of the girls into my Dad’s room, don’t worry we weren’t hooking up or anything, and my Dad comes home and starts yelling at me. So my friend offered to drive her home and on the ride back she gave him a blow job. But the funny thing is she thought he was me so I was supposed to get the blow job!”
Me: *stunned expression* “WHAT?! You just told someone you are on a date with that story? What is wrong with you?! ”
Andy: “Nothing! It’s funny. All my friends thought it was funny.”
Me: “Please take me home. I would like to go home.”
I began texting my friends that I was coming home. I texted my other friend who is nearby that she needed to come get me. Unfortunately, the club she was at boxed her car in and she couldn’t leave. I decided to risk it and just have Andy take me home.
Standing at the Valet, waiting for his car to come, Andy decided to make a move on me. I was leaning against the glass walls of the hotel entrance when he approached me. I saw him go for the move and I tilted my head so he would get my cheek.
Maybe it was because I moved my head. Maybe it was because he thought it would be sexy. Maybe Andy is just plain old creepy. Instead of kissing my cheek, he licked me. He didn’t just graze my face with the tip of his tongue or anything. He licked my face like a puppy licks you when its happy to see you. The coy look he had on his face afterward made me assume he probably thought I would enjoy that. What was even worse was that I could hear people around me gasping. Who licks someone on a date? Andy, that’s who. I was mortified and just said again “take me home” as I bolted to his car.
On the ride home, I was silent. I think at this point he knew I was annoyed. Andy was new to LA so he was taking me home in an odd route. And then I got why… he was stopping at his house. Seeing that his roommates were home, and I really needed to pee, I told him I wanted to use his bathroom and then we were immeadiatly leaving. His room was empty except for a few jumbled things in a corner, which confused me. Then again, he had just moved here. I went into his bathroom and spent a long time in there because I called my friends at the bar, giving them a little recap and saying I’d be there soon. This gave Andy enough time to prepare his plan of attack…I think the fact I stepped into his house gave him some hope, but man, this guy was pathetic!
I opened the door and there was Andy. He had inflated his inflatable bed and was laying on it holding two glasses of wine with this “come hither” look. Typing this now, I am chuckling to myself. However, at the time, it was not funny. I just stared at him, walked out of his room and waited outside till he stopped his charades. Andy came outside, didn’t say anything, and we walked to the car.
The minute I got in the car, I grabbed Jamie’s pepper spray and put it by my side. The whole ride home, Andy thought he would try to kiss me everytime we hit a red light. I decided I was going to reject him every time. Fail Andy, Fail.
When we got back remotely close to the bar where my friends were, I took off out of the car at a red light and walked the rest of the way to get away from him. I entered the bar and don’t see him. My friends rejoiced that I was alive and asked me about all the details. Before I could start, Andy showed up. Not only did he not get any of my signals that I didn’t want to be around him, he followed me around like a puppy until my guy friends had to ask him to go away. Angry and hurt, Andy left the bar.
I am sure you think I was in the clear at this point in time. Nope. This date from hell would not give up without a last hurrah. About an hour went by and I was having fun with my friends. On my way home, I have to pass Inn N Out where Andy was waiting for me. As I walked in front of the patio area, he came out of nowhere and threw his Sprite at me, sending the soda all over my legs, and ran away. Just…started running to his car. At this point in time, I just started laughing. I mean, how could I not?
