Off-putting Oddball

I was trying to get over someone I had broken up with recently and with whom I was still very much in love. I knew it was probably too soon to start dating again, but it was Saturday night, I was lonely in a new city, bored, and just wanted to meet someone new. He looked very attractive in his online profile pictures, seemed well-spoken and friendly…why not, right? THIS is why!

He lives two hours away, but tells me he’s going to be in my area on a certain date, and we make plans to meet. A few days before the date, I ask him if we’re still on, and he cancels, saying the friend he was going to be staying with is out of town. Okay, no big deal. I tell him to say hi if he’s ever in my area, and if I’m free I’ll meet with him, but deep down I don’t expect he ever will.

You can imagine my surprise when, a few days later and out of the blue, he texts saying he’s already downtown, and asking I want to do something soon. I am actually busy running errands and tell him I could meet him a bit later for a drink. He says it’s cool as he’s with another friend having beers and he’ll see me later. Cool!

Fast forward several hours, we agree on a street corner and decide to meet. He says he’s bringing his friend, which I find a bit of a turn off…but whatever. I get there and don’t see them. I text him and ask where he is. “10 minutes” he says. Fine. I walk around and window shop for a bit. I figure he’s in a new city, may be lost. Whatever. I wait 30 minutes (I’m all the way downtown, it’s a looong way home, and the night is still young..) and decide to call him. Phone rings, he picks up (I can hear traffic in the background), but he doesn’t say anything. I hang up and try again…finally I can hear his voice (it sounds…weird) and ask him where they are. He says they’re at the corner. I tell him I can’t see them and to come to where I am (the subway station). Again, I wait.

Finally (this whole thing went on for like 15 minutes, I was ready to say screw it and go home any second), this creepy, serial killer looking-guy walks up to me. It’s him. He looks…different than his pictures. Smaller, thinner. His hair is messy, and he has 5-day stubble. Bad teeth, too. But hey, I’m here, and I hate being rude. I say hi and give him a hug. He smells. Like he hasn’t washed (or at least washed his clothes) in over a week. And…he’s wasted. They’ve been drinking since early afternoon and had had about six beers each. Oddly enough, his friend (who is very nice and friendly, by the way), isn’t wasted at all. So I try to make conversation, and (thank god) the friend is actually somewhat normal, talks to me like a normal person while my “date” stands there looking wasted and dirty, not saying a single word, but just staring at me creepily. Like, undressing me with his eyes creepy.

I try to ignore it and ask what they want to do. The friend suggests the bar across the street. We go over, and the bouncer turns my “date” away for being too wasted…can you say embarrassing?! I feel bad for him at this point.

We walk for a bit, and they start sharing a beer. We all stand there, guy is still drunk and can barely speak, I’m at this point thankful for his friend can actually make decent fun conversation for a bit. He knows a bunch of people in my field so I take his email in case he can happen to find me a job downtown. They want to go to another bar, but my date has only continued to drink and I figure we’re only going to get turned away again. Plus…at this point, I just want to get home and shower. I feel gross from just hugging dirty drunk man. So I tell them thanks for meeting me, but I have to run to catch the last subway before it closes (true). I give them both a hug and say to have a good night. Guy is too drunk to even notice, and as I walk (or run) away he turns around and asks “are you okay?!” I’m like “…I’m fine…you take care, ok?” and run into the subway. Shudder.

You’d think that’s the worst of it wouldn’t ya? Oh, it gets worse.

So he texts me the next day to apologize for showing up in such a state, and asks if we can try again some time. I politely decline, and tell him I just don’t think we have much in common, etc etc. He understands and thanks me for being so nice. I tell him (in my attempt to make him feel better) that honestly I shouldn’t be dating so soon, as I’m still rebounding off someone else. He then goes into a long rant about how he is still not over his ex, whom he tried to get back and propose to, only to find out he was a month too late, and she was already pregnant with her new boyfriend. And how she was pissed off that she had given him all her money to put into investments and he’d lost 80% of it because his actions took a hit. Whoa…feeling REALLY bad for him at this point, but also glad to have dodged that bullet…

So I’m all being understanding and saying I’m sorry about his ex, and it looks like we both have some getting over our ex’s to do.

Which is when, God knows why, he think it’s appropriate to tell me he was so wasted last night that he…messed his bed. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. This guy thought that after showing up drunk, dirty and smelly to our first date and being declined for a second date, it would be cool to tell me he soiled himself overnight.

Um.

I didn’t text him again.