What A Clown

MVWD occurred shortly after my divorce. I was still young and looking to see what else was out there. I had gone on several dates with “JB” and he was becoming increasingly clingy ad needy. I had already pretty much decided I was done, but I didn’t want to blow him off over the phone. He was nice, even if he was a stage-5 clinger, so I agreed to one last date.

He asked if I wanted to go to the circus. I said no but he continued to argue the point until finally he told me he already bought the tickets. I gave in and agreed because I just wanted to get it over with.

He arrived at my apartment wearing a suit and asked when I was going to change since I had on jeans and a sweater. I was super annoyed – who wears a suit to the circus? I expressed this thought and asked if he realized that where we were going there were going to be dirty, screaming, sticky children, not to mention circus animals. I completely lost it and unleashed all the pent up rage towards him for being clingy, lazy, and just downright weird.

He looked at me, stunned, then said “lets not go to the circus,” and I said “great, you should go,” and that’s when things got really bad. He loosened his tie and slumped into a heap on my living room floor. I wasn’t sure what was happening and I stood silent for a minute until he started crying. This made me furious. I told him to get out and never come back. He started to pretend to pass out every time he stood up.

I finally made up a lie and told him I had another date, so he would have to leave or my other date would be furious and would surely kill his wimpy behind. He still wouldn’t leave until I finally got super mad (and mean) and told him there was no way we could be together because our periods would sync up and the tampon bill would be outrageous.

He left but continued to call, text, and stalk me for another two weeks.

Comments (43)
AlonzoJune 8th, 2012 at 7:40 am

You definitely used some funny one-liners there, but there was not a lot of flow to the composition. Maybe this is just the “Reader’s Digest” version, but I am not getting a strong sense of reality, like I do from that august publication . . .

zomboidJune 8th, 2012 at 7:42 am

i’m getting a strong sense of insanity from this one alonzo

RattusJune 8th, 2012 at 7:48 am

He’s a spineless poltroon, you’re a raging cu….sorry, not sure what’s allowable here. At any rate, you, OP, are no more a prize than the “man” you belittled into a puddle.

sarahJune 8th, 2012 at 8:10 am

weird.

SportyGuyJune 8th, 2012 at 8:20 am

It’s unfortunate that she had to get nasty, she tried to do things nicely but he just turned into a pathetic wuss. Sometimes you have to hit people hard to make a point. I’m sure she’s a nice girl, she had to do what she had to do.

NattieJune 8th, 2012 at 8:29 am

On one hand, OP sounds like a horrible person.
On the other hand, it may have been necessary to get JB to get the hint and leave – any normal guy would have, you know, LEFT when she started screaming at him.
Maybe OP merely did what we were all telling the girl two days ago to do.

etJune 8th, 2012 at 8:36 am

I don’t think you really ever HAVE to be hurtful…

buffyJune 8th, 2012 at 9:00 am

How old was this guy? 3?

JennaJune 8th, 2012 at 9:00 am

A quite funny but very bizarre story. Sounds like the OP was furious with the dude before he even walked through the door. Wearing a suit to a circus is weird but why get so mad over it, just tell him to take his tie off. It would have been better to break it off over the phone than have him turn up scream at him to leave and pretend that you have another date coming.

BabsJune 8th, 2012 at 9:16 am

i kind of want to hear about the other dates that led to all the pent up rage towards him.

Drinky the Drunk GirlJune 8th, 2012 at 9:56 am

You madam, are my kind of woman. We should go drinking sometime.

DeeJune 8th, 2012 at 10:20 am

I like it. I like it a lot.

ChelsJune 8th, 2012 at 10:33 am

I second the Rat.

TaylorJune 8th, 2012 at 10:47 am

you, madam, sound like a gigantic bitch.

PsycheJune 8th, 2012 at 11:58 am

Next time you meet another guy like this, dump him over the phone. Please. I beg of you.

SallyWordSlingerJune 8th, 2012 at 12:00 pm

OP, you’re a bad breaker-upper.

AvidReaderJune 8th, 2012 at 12:24 pm

I’m not a huge fan of the really clingy people out there, but with only what was presented to us in the story, I really only feel bad for JB…
OP sounds horrible. I get that sometimes they don’t take a hint, and we don’t get to see how he acted before this, but it’s a little out of line to just blow up at this guy and bitch him out for however long over a suit and whatever other shortcomings he had prior. I mean, jeez. Was it so hard to say, “you know, this isn’t going to work out,” and shut the door in his face?
Again, though, this is just what I took from the info presented. I can only imagine how annoying this guy must have been to get OP so riled. O__O

KatyJune 8th, 2012 at 12:44 pm

Well, you can certainly say OP was direct and not dropping any “hints”.

AudaxJune 8th, 2012 at 1:02 pm

Yay for strong women!

TillieJune 8th, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I’m pretty sure I dated this guy. If you’d made mention of alarmingly bountiful moobs or erectile dysfunction, then I’d be positive.

amyJune 8th, 2012 at 1:46 pm

I loved this one. Way to go OP!

BackwoodsJune 8th, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Here we go. If a woman tries to be tactful, she’s criticized for not being straightforward enough with her date. If she lays it on the line, she’s criticized for being a bitch.

Once she told him off, her date should’ve wised up and left, not crumpled into a heap on her rug. Show some balls, man. Have the self-respect to exit the situation with dignity after a woman’s made it clear she doesn’t want you.

SmokeJune 8th, 2012 at 2:44 pm

“told him there was no way we could be together because our periods would sync up and the tampon bill would be outrageous”

Best. Line. Ever!

Barbary LionJune 8th, 2012 at 3:37 pm

This wasn’t “laying it on the line,”–laying it on the line would have been telling him on the phone that it wasn’t going to work out, after he proposed they spend a date at a circus with horrible dirty animals and sticky children–horrors! Just by the way, I’d think that was a great date–but obviously the OP didn’t, so why didn’t she just use that as the perfect lead-in for “You know, I don’t think we have a lot in common, let’s call this thing quits.”

MaxxyJune 8th, 2012 at 3:41 pm

I think the obvious conclusion to be drawn here is that the “circus” was Cirque du Soleil.

MaryJune 8th, 2012 at 4:08 pm

I loved that line too Smoke!!

BDJune 8th, 2012 at 5:09 pm

Wow, I suspect you are as ugly as your personality. No wonder you are divorced…

DaniJune 8th, 2012 at 10:26 pm

We’re talking about a dude who crumples up on the floor and pretends to pass out because some girl insulted him. He had it coming.

zomboidJune 9th, 2012 at 1:56 am

the tampon line didn’t actually make sense, if their periods synced up they’d just have to go tampax shopping at the same time, not buy any extras. [/mr. logic]

Call 911June 9th, 2012 at 3:26 am

So I get that we rag on OP’s who are spineless and just hope that by ignoring texts and calls then the guy will get the hint. We want women to be strong and up front! But there’s strong, and then there’s just mean…this was just mean.

Yeah, the guy seemed a bit odd (even though I’d love to hear more backstory about him) but there was no need to be so cruel, unless there was more you weren’t telling us that made him deserve this kind of blow up.

blondieJune 9th, 2012 at 9:37 am

maxxy and zomboid for the win

KCJune 9th, 2012 at 11:37 am

This OP seems just as bad as JB. There a difference between being strong/upfront versus being arrogant/mean to the point where you probably CAUSED a large part of the MVWD.

mhmJune 9th, 2012 at 9:08 pm

lol and my theory proves true: op caves & gives him a chance, she’s a wimp. op tells him to GET OUT, she’s a witch. lol the hypocrisy!

RattusJune 11th, 2012 at 6:42 am

mhm, there is an enormous difference between between being a simpering doormat and a raging c.u..n…..(am I allowed?). One can be firm and stand up for one’s self without being viciously abusive. This particular gentleman was apparently weak and annoying, but didn’t appear to deserve the vitriol dished out by this harpy of a tale-teller. To paraphrase Gandhi, a person’s greatness is measured by how they treat their weakest acquaintances.

LaceyJune 11th, 2012 at 9:03 am

Didn’t the people criticizing her read the last part – even AFTER she said what she said, this idiot continued to call and text her for 2 weeks. If this is the personality type she’s dealing with, do you really think sympathy would have gotten him off her floor and out of her house? People like that don’t take hints and are encouraged by any shred of kindness – I speak from experience. She did what she had to do, IMO.

Drinky the Drunk GirlJune 11th, 2012 at 11:48 am

Gandhi was a asshole that hated black people. Saint my ass, don’t listen to him.

AnonJune 11th, 2012 at 1:07 pm

@drunky the drunk girl, at first i didn’t believe you and had to look it up and i was surprised to say the least. but after reading more, you have to know that not everyone is perfect and the current world is much different than the world he lived in. if you research, even people like thomas jefferson and abraham lincoln are racist by today’s standards. However, one can’t forget the kind of things gandhi did like using non-violence tactics to gain independence, from which even MLK found his inspiration from. so just bc rattus used quotes by gandhi doesn’t mean they are useless. back to the date, well, i agree with others here that being straightforward and being mean and rude are two different things.

RattusJune 11th, 2012 at 1:07 pm

He may have been an asshole, and I can’t see where I called him a saint, but he makes a valid point about the way people treat others. A person who treats service staff poorly would never have a second chance with me, nor would the filthy crapsack who submitted this self-aggrandizement to her own kuntish behaviour.

JazzyJune 14th, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Just a terrifying thought – wearing the suit – so he could propose?????

XanJune 15th, 2012 at 9:40 am

He sounds like a weirdo, but you were extremely rude. You agreed to go out with him and then tore him apart when he came to pick you up. What a shitty thing to do. You should have just said you weren’t interested.

NutmegJuly 3rd, 2012 at 2:57 pm

I have dated more than my share of these types of guys, and I am completely supportive of the OP’s actions. These type of guys are terrible to deal with, and if you show them any type of mercy or hesitation when trying to end it they just get harder to deal with. I have many stories about previous dates/short term relationships with guys just like the one OP described, and ending them is never easy because they make it as hard as possible and emotionally blackmail you to try to get you back.

I’ve had guys lie about terminal illness diagnoses, threaten to commit suicide and my favorite of all: Tried to get my name on a lease (without my permission) for an apartment he picked out for us because he thought that I would be forced to live with him and would love him again. The guy OP was breaking up with was pretending to faint so she would take pity on him and care for him, and it wouldn’t have stopped there. If I was her, I would have just turned on the tv and turned up the volume to cover the sound of him sobbing on the floor. I have had to confront guys multiple times to reiterate that I broke up with them and to stop telling people we’re still together.

There is no traditional break up line that will shake them off (“It’s not you, it’s me” results in them declaring their undying love for you, “I need some space” results in them assuming you’re just on a break, “I just want to be friends” has almost always resulted in them trying to make moves on you later and having an emotional breakdown when it doesn’t work). In case it matters, I have never gone on more than 3 or 4 dates with these guys so it wasn’t like I was destroying a long term relationship, but you would have thought I was leaving them at the altar. When I read that the OP started berating him and saying nasty things to him, I understand that it wasn’t her being mean to be mean, it was her being mean to be clear. I used to try to coddle these guys and make them feel better, but eventually I just threatened to call the police if they didn’t leave. Lucky for me, I stopped dating these over sensitive man children and found a guy who isn’t a weepy, clingy toddler.

Heather HighAugust 4th, 2012 at 12:05 am

and your point ?

TangoNovember 4th, 2012 at 2:10 am

Wow, fail, OP. Ever heard of breaking it to them gently? Kind of sounds like you lost your temper and released all your pent-up frustration.

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