A bit shy, I didn’t enter the dating scene until I was 18 and on my own. I was naive and inexperienced and when I met B in our university housing complex, I was flattered by his attentions. He was Pakistani and studying abroad in the U.S., which would normally excuse most language and cultural misunderstandings. Our first date was relaxed and we just took an evening walk around a park. Afterward, we sat in the residence lounge and talked and he asked to kiss me, to which I willingly agreed. After a nice kiss, he asked me to go to his room to have sex. What?! I explained I was a virgin and wasn’t ready for sex, to which he laughed and said that there was no such thing as an American virgin. I replied that whomever told him that was incorrect and it was insulting to women to be viewed that way. He apologized, chalking it up to a misunderstanding and that he was still learning about U.S. culture. Willing to accept that, I agreed to a second date for the following evening.
Date #2 turned out to be MVWD. As soon as we met in the lounge, B asked me to drive him to see someone about a car he might buy. That wasn’t a problem for me, but on the way there, he started explaining that his parents wired him 4 grand for a car, and he blew $3500 in two months on cigarettes, booze, and who knows what else. He checked out the car, and decided not to get it so we returned to his residence. Then, he said we needed to head to his friends’ place two blocks away.
When we arrived, he told me I had to wait outside. When I asked him why, he said it was because in his culture it was inappropriate for a single woman to be alone with a bunch of men. He said he’d be right back so I sat on the curb. After ten minutes, I was ready to leave when one of B’s friends, whom I already knew, came out to talk with me. He asked why I was outside and I gave B’s cultural explanation. His friend said that was garbage and I was welcome to come inside. At that moment, B hurried outside and said we had to leave. Walking back, I told him what his friend had said and asked why I had to sit outside. B said it was actually because all his friends would try to sleep with me and he didn’t want me around them. That’s some strange culture…
I was pretty hungry at that point and asked about food, to which B said we could eat whatever I had. He knew I worked in a grocery store deli and kept a decently stocked mini-fridge in my room. Ok, this date was going downhill fast, so I thought I’d tough out the rest of the evening. After we ate in the lounge, which is usually deserted in the evenings, we talked some more and he asked to kiss me again. Thinking I’d give him another chance, I agreed. After a few minutes, he said he’d be right back and returned a minute later with a bottle of lotion. Suspicious, I asked what the lotion was for and he said it was lubricant for anal sex. I jumped up and headed for the door, but he blocked my exit.
I angrily him I was not ready for sex of any kind and he said it was ok because, really, there was no such thing as an American virgin and all American girls are sluts. I didn’t need to be embarrassed because he knew my real reason for waiting was because I was on my menses. As I silently stared at him, he went on to explain that he knew lots about sex from having done it many times with one of his cousins and I shouldn’t worry about getting pregnant because all I needed to do was take a birth control pill and I’d be fine. I pushed him out of my way and ran to my room. I managed to avoid him until I saw that same friend one day, who said B had had his student visa revoked for failing all his courses.
Many years later, the thing that still strikes me about that incident was that he said ‘menses.’