The Overgrown Child

Mario and I started talking on a discussion board. Since we seemed to have many interests in common, we exchanged phone numbers. We texted and spoke on the phone daily and all seemed to be fine. After a while, he asked me out on a date. I was really excited and asked him what he would like to do. Turned out he was a very picky eater (would only feed himself with junk food) and had no interest at all in any activities people normally do. Since I’m a simple girl, I agreed to meet him at the local McDonald’s. He was really good looking and was acting lovely; the “date” went fine and I thought I would give him a second chance. I drove him back home and said I would like to see him again, which he was happy to hear because he felt like we were getting along.

For the second date, he invited me to his house for a drink. His “house” was actually his parents basement. He offered me a beer; while I was sipping on mine, he drank three. I noticed a lot, and I mean A LOT, of empty bottles on the floor and asked if he’d had a party recently; he said it’s just the amount of beer he’s usually drinking in a week. Great. I later found out that he was smoking weed and getting drunk daily, had no intentions to move out from his parents house even if he had a paying job, and that he hated sex because “it was dirty.”

After I had to do the walk-of-shame in front of his parents, we went off to eat. I had to put gas in my car, so I stopped at a gas station and when I got back in my car, he accused me of flirting with the 60-something clerk (I was 24 at the time). I thought he was joking, but he wasn’t; he started crying and insulting me. I told him to leave, and to never contact me again.

He then sent me 100+ messages on Facebook, texted me non-stop for about two weeks, and left me voicemail messages that went from “you’re the woman of my life and I wanna marry you” to “I’m gonna kill myself if you don’t talk to me in the next 10 minutes” to “You f**king b**ch no one will love you more than I do.” I replied once, saying that if he ever contacted me again I would call the police.

June 14th, 2012 in Cheap Bastards, Drunk and Disorderly, Just Plain Pathetic, Mid-Courtship Disaster, Problematic Point of No Return, WTF?

Comments (30)

NattieJune 14th, 2012 at 8:27 am

I’m speechless.

You handled it very well.

ShannaBananaJune 14th, 2012 at 8:35 am

Wait..wait…. If he hated sex because it was dirty, then how did you do the ‘walk of shame’?

blondieJune 14th, 2012 at 8:39 am

I’m curious- What do you mean by doing the “walk of shame” in front of his parents? My understanding has always been than walk-of-shame in dating generally refers to the morning after you’ve slept over with someone and have to walk home in your party clothes from your embarassing location. Does this mean you slept with the guy, or am I just misunderstanding the term?

blondieJune 14th, 2012 at 8:40 am

oh good- looks like ShannaBanana and I are on the same page!

sarahJune 14th, 2012 at 9:03 am

I guess it could still be called the walk of shame if she was leaving the next morning–regardless of if they had slept together or not because some would assume they did–but it doesn’t read like she spent the night.

Other than that… wow.

AudaxJune 14th, 2012 at 9:09 am

No sex = no shame! And if they made you feel ashamed for drinking beer, you’re better off without them!

KatieJune 14th, 2012 at 9:24 am

I think I dated that guy too!

JGirlJune 14th, 2012 at 11:19 am

I rather dislike the term ‘walk of shame’ anyway, because I don’t think sex is shameful, but that’s neither here nor there, and I see that my question regarding the lack of sex/walk of shame has already been asked.

Beyond that, it’s clear the OP made the right decision.

And I’ll say this, I’ve dated guys with food issues. Even if they seem nice at first, I’m beginning to suspect that food issues are a warning sign that there is deeper crazy in there that should be avoided. And I’m not talking about actual allergies or dietary choices. I mean people who get freaked out or grossed out by perfectly normal foods.

maoJune 14th, 2012 at 1:28 pm

I’m on the same page as shanna and blondie!

belieJune 14th, 2012 at 8:13 pm

i think the shameful walk meant that op was embarassed because his parents were there and saw her reaction to finding out that he lived with his parents. I’d be embarassed too. The guy seemed psycho, just a lil bit….:\

CJune 14th, 2012 at 10:02 pm

I once had to leave my boyfriend’s apartment in the morning to go to a wedding (solo, no plus one for me). It was about a four to five hour drive, and I wouldn’t have a place to change, so I was wearing my very nice purple silk dress and high heels at about 8 or 9am. I had to gas up my car in the neighborhood and kept getting these LOOKS. I wanted to run around and tell everyone I was going to a wedding, not walk-of-shaming.

I understand being slightly embarrassed about walking by the parents, but walk of shame? Meh.

Anyways, I hate it when guys go all stalker-crazy and the phone messages go from “I love you! You’re my soulmate!” to “you’re a stupid whore that no one will ever love because you’re a selfish bitch!”

(I may have experience with that, too…)

DonnaJune 14th, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Well by “walk of shame”, I meant that he made us leave his house by the upstairs door in order to introduce me to his parents, which was awkward because I’m still in shock you live there even if you have no reason (ex: school, recent break up, financial problems..) to stay there, and also because I’ve only see you twice so why rush things? Why would you introduce me to your parents in the first dates?
1) They didn’t know I was there, so when they saw me they were wondering who I was, until Mario dares to present me
2) His dad was half asleep on the couch
3) His mom was in a seetrough, worn out grandmother type pyjama
4) I had to have an awkward chit chat with his mom while he was looking for his keys and phone.

And no, we didn’t have sex. He was saying how dirty he thinks it is and blablabla. To this day I’m still wondering what’s gonna kill him first: Hi drinking habit, his smoking habit (2 packs a day) or malnutrition.

allyJune 14th, 2012 at 10:27 pm

@JGirl
I have to disagree. My partner (who has mild asperger’s) won’t touch cereal, or sit with 5 meters of someone eating it, and it’s been a but over two years, and no crazy yet.

?June 15th, 2012 at 3:01 am

I believe the chronic weed and alcohol abuse play a significant part in his paranoia and general behaviour. Goodness knows what made him sink into that spiral in the first place (the “sex is dirty” comment raises some suspicions but that’s personal speculation), but it’s not your responsibility to find out.

You did the right thing to leave because he would be an ongoing project and drag you down in the process. That being said, I can’t help but feel a bit sorry for the bloke. I think he needs to clean up his act and might even need a professional to help him do it.

RattusJune 15th, 2012 at 5:32 am

@JGirl, I’m a woman with food issues* and my husband of 25 years is very happy with me. Food issues doesn’t necessarily equal crazy, though I can see someone who refuses to eat anything but junk food being somewhat nuts.

*Issues are: Refusal to eat other people’s cooking – basis is the cooking of my English grandmother, her English sister and her English friend. Their food could not have been more grotesquely stereotypical and bred in me a dread of eating at other people’s houses; deep loathing of fried breakfast foods, smell, look and taste – basis is my asshole father making me stay at the table for literally hours until every scrap was gone; and don’t like my foods touching – have no idea where that one came from and it seems to be dissipating.

PsycheJune 15th, 2012 at 5:49 am

OP, am I to assume that after the “contact me again and I’ll call the cops” response, he left you alone?

EmJune 15th, 2012 at 7:30 am

@Rattus – fried breakfasts are my favourite part of the weekend. Mmmmmmm fried meat and potatoes with FRIED veggies. Nomnomnom.

RattusJune 15th, 2012 at 8:13 am

@Em – *shudder*

blondieJune 15th, 2012 at 9:18 am

JGirl- I’m with you (sort of) about the food issues. To me food issues is a general indicator that I probably would not get along with this person because so many food issues just seem crazy to me personally and generally down the road they’ll have other issues that seem crazy to me. But I also assume there are other people out there who would not find this stuff as nutty as I do and would have no problem with it. To each his own.

JGirlJune 15th, 2012 at 10:18 am

@ally, anybody with mild Aspergers gets a pass over something like an aversion to cereal.

But my experience so far has been that the men I’ve dated who have had moderate to severe food issues turn out to have other, much more serious issues. The guy that nearly barfed when I ate a nice tuna steak across the table from him at a restaurant and turned out to be insane and mean with a serious persecution complex, for instance. He’s not the only one, but he’s the most severe example.

On the other hand, a lack of food issues does not correlate (in my experience) to a lack of other insanity, so really it’s just one thing I watch for and try to pay attention to.

RattusJune 15th, 2012 at 11:55 am

I’ve never met a guy with any really noticeable food issues, but when I was single I wouldn’t go out with guys who were always making with the bon mots. While I do like to laugh and was more than happy to be friends with them, I’ve found that men who need to be funny all…the…time tend to have the sort of neuroses I was not inclined to want to deal with. After a couple of decades as an outside observer, I stand by my preference for stable, reliable and kind over funny.

Frau BlucherJune 15th, 2012 at 6:52 pm

ewww…i knew what you meant by walk of shame. The shame is even GOING OUT with this loser!
what a total creep…shudder.

TulipJune 15th, 2012 at 10:56 pm

I haven’t experienced men with the type of food issues you mention, but I have noticed that currently-attractive-but-former-heavies also have some issues. Mostly self-esteem stuff. And this is men and women too. My ex had so many self-esteem issues, even though he looks just like Chris Pine, that it was awkward to be around.
On the other hand, I have a lot of food issues (some are legitimate intolerances) but I’m also picky. For example, I hate chicken. Hate, hate, hate it. But I haven’t noticed any crazy!

TulipJune 15th, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Oh, and one more thing. Walk of shame and shamefully walking are different things. Walk of Shame (at least in America, I’m not sure what country you’re from, if you’re not America, here’s a little cultural lesson!) implies that one spent the night at someone’s place. Doing the dirty deeds, if you know what I mean.

DonnaJune 16th, 2012 at 10:11 am

I’m Canadian, thanks I’ll take note

JeffJune 17th, 2012 at 8:38 pm

Yup, definitely doesn’t count as “walk of shame.” If anyone should have been ashamed it was him, not her. But kudos to OP for kicking this guy to the curb the FIRST time he exhibited insane jealousy and psychotic behavior and not sticking around for further punishment.

The DudeJune 18th, 2012 at 5:17 am

You’re probably lucky you got out of there alive. No desire to ever leave his parents, even after getting a job? Hates sex because it’s “dirty”? Sounds kinda Norman Bates-ish.

VioletJune 19th, 2012 at 9:27 am

Rattus – ‘English’ food is grotesque, is it? Whereas of course your country – that gave the world cheese in a spray can – is considered a bastion of haute cuisine, right? Your ignorance is even more amusing than your whiny ‘issues.’

JeffJune 20th, 2012 at 7:58 pm

@Violet – Wow, way to overreact to a tangential comment. I hope you’re in therapy.