A Good Sport

I’m glad OP didn’t get arrested.

The only thing I can blame the OP for in this story is texting her ex during the game. I’m not a sports fan, so maybe I’m wrong on the etiquette, but it seems rude to do that.

Otherwise, clearly this was not a good match, and I’m glad OP didn’t go out with him again after he got out of jail.

So, long story short:

Almost immediately after my break-up, I met a cute, charming guy at a bar. He said he had season tickets for the Bulls games (with great seating arrangements), and asked if I wanted to go. I said why not, although I told him that I had not been considering a relationship so soon after my split. Just to make it less awkward, he said he was going to bring a friend, and so could I. Oh, and I would call this guy “Braggy”, because he liked dropping big names.

On the game-night, one of my friends and I went to the game after work. We met the guys at a bar, and had drinks and food. Braggy’s friend was very quiet, but that did not stop him and me having a great time. We went to the game, found our seats, and Braggy and I were having a great conversation. In my mind, it was already turning into a date. But at the same time, I was also texting my ex.

Soon we started to talk about post-game activities. Braggy suggested that we go back to his place, which was close by. He said he also had all sorts of drinks available, and we could have a shmoke if we were into it. My friend and I laughed it off, saying we were not into drugs, and because we wanted to stay in public place.

During the half-time, Braggy and his friend went to the restroom, and they never came back. I thought I had been ditched, and fired some angry texts during the game, later that night, and next morning, demanding an explanation. He replied, saying that he had spent the night in jail. That was it!

I eventually had a short-term fling with my ex….

You seem uptight, OP.

I don’t think he got arrested at all. I think he thought she was a suburban prude and a drag and made it up to ditch her.

I mean, that’s what I would have done in his shoes. But hey, here in Canada, we didn’t grow up on Nancy Reagan threatening us that weed is a gateway drug that would turn us into blathering, jittering junkies overnight.

While OP does seem a bit uptight, I hardly think that there’s anything wrong with not wanting to a) go back to the place of someone she just met; b) use drugs (yes, weed is a drug; so is alcohol.) As a Canadian (who spent 21 years of her life in BC, 3 of those on the coast) I actually find that very refreshing.

OP, were the talking about smoking pot or smoking crackrock? Because “doing drugs” seems a little intense for pot. Not that I don’t support a person’s decision to abstain, mind you.

hm, no to drugs…but a whole lot of alcohol runs down just good? cannot understand you people, sigh….

Wow Sally, i’m Canadian, from the most liberal province of all, yeah you know which one, and offering a girl to come back to your place to do (still illegal) drugs is not good etiquette. Even “come back to my place to do (licit) stuff” (like get wasted on booze, or smoke cigars) sounds strange to me!

thanks for the summary NG. I got s o bored reading the op’s story that my eyes nearly rolled out of their sockets. would like to know what he got arrested for tho…

Thank you, NG, for being someone who understands that brevity is the soul of wit.

OP, pay attention to how NG did it. And also, I don’t smoke pot and have never enjoyed it, but sheesh – it’s pot, not meth. Calm down.

HAHAHA @Sally That was a gem. OP, try not to be so preachy while drinking book, ok? DRUGS! ohh nooooooo! You act like they asked you if you wanted some crack! This must not have happened in California….

I was surprised at OP’s overreaction to the smoke invite. “What about us says we do drugs?” Well, you’re obviously willing to get shitfaced with the guy, which is going to do a hell of a lot more to you than smoking a bowl will. Wtf? Not surprised the guys ditched.

Wait. I thought she said it wasn’t a date but then called it a date twice later on.

I just wanted to say it’s nice to see people have caught onto the idea that “Drugs are awful! But alcohol is fine!” is an attitude that doesn’t really make sense. Alcohol is one of the more dangerous and addictive of the drugs out there. Which isn’t to say you can’t enjoy taking it, as long as you’re aware of what you’re doing when you angrily shout at people that drugs are bad.

“(I mean, who brings up drugs on a first date???)”
I do, actually, though not in the same way this guy did. Drugs are a dealbreaker in many relationships, and I like to get that discussion over with early on, and have asked about it on the first date. I’m not totally against drugs, but I’m not interested in people who use heavier drugs everyday. I like to go out and do stuff, and it hasn’t been as fun when the person has been high.
(I’m talking mostly about things like coke/crack/E, etc.)

Well, maybe she’s got a job. Lots of places still do random drug testing. Yes, America’s war on pot is stupid, but you still can’t smoke a blunt and keep a random office job.

DeafMute’s my favorite!

I though that, too, bekster. When did it suddenly become a date? When they ditched you?

@Louwii: At last, a voice of reason…no one knows how those two would’ve behaved after getting back to his place, especially after all the alcohol on top of the drugs. OP didn’t know what was in the drugs being offered (could’ve been laced with anything), OP didn’t know if those two were undercover cops looking to catch a potential buyer/user (it could happen), OP really didn’t know those two at all. Better safe than sorry…especially if one does not indulge in drug use.

OP could have explained this date in half the words.

Basically, OP was invited out to a game by randoms, randoms invited her for weed and drinks which she refused and then randoms left. As far as dates go, this is pretty good because she got treated to free drinks and food, ended up with great b’ball seats, wasn’t pressure and then got home safely – and all in the company of a friend. As this wasn’t a ‘date’ per se I don’t even see how this even qualifies, especially as there was no romantic intention on either side and the guy didn’t even try to hit on her.

If OP are/were of college age, being offered a ton of drinks/weed is not unusual AT ALL. It is such an experimental phase of life that I’m surprised she were shocked by it.

I don’t smoke pot, either, but since I was about 14 years old, I’ve been able to refuse a friendly offer with tact and grace. It really sounds like the two guys didn’t get arrested at all- they just ditched you, as you obviously weren’t well matched. That’s rude, of course, but so was texting your ex while on this outing.

@ Everyone being all judgey about her turning down some weed.

Ultimately, here in the US, getting shitfaced on alcohol is legal as long as you aren’t destructive and you’re over 21. Smoking pot isn’t legal in the state of Illinois, not even for medical purposes, so as stupid as the law is, they’re breaking it. Some people aren’t into that and it is an odd thing to bring up on a 1st date unless you know the person is into it already.

And let’s be real, these guys were inviting them for some good ole judgement impairing actives so they could have some sex. I know it. She knew it. You all know it. She basically shut that down and the guys bailed when they realized it wasn’t an easy lay.

@Louwii – exactly! (BC or Quebec?)

Yeah, saying “what about us says we do drugs and we want to do them with you guys at your apartment” was a tad impolite, and most people between the age of 13 and 50 don’t call smoking weed “doing drugs,” but I wouldn’t say that OP was shocked by the request. She merely said no, and suggested doing something else. If Sally’s hypothesis that the guys ditched since the girls were prudish is correct, I’d say the guys are the ones who overreacted.

And on the topic, while weed may be far better than alcohol in regards to related fatalities/arrests/hospitalizations etc., there’s still some understandable reasons why some people prefer the latter over the former. Some people are very smell-sensitive or have breathing issues and some people may be subject to random illegal drug testing for work. As well, I can think of quite a few pot afficionatos (particularly women) who would not be comfortable smoking a stranger’s weed with a near stranger in a private place. Cocaine and shroom laced weed was everywhere in my high school. Good call, OP.

“In any event, the Bulls were killing the Pacers that night and it was only pre-season so, needless to say, we spent the majority of the time in the main bar in the United Center watching baseball playoffs.”

If something is “needless to say,” you don’t need to say it. I wouldn’t guess that getting shitfaced in a bar at the arena would be the M.O. at a preseason basketball game, but the OP seems to think differently. She also seems like a drunk, so maybe for her it is needless to say.

And she showed up to this (non?)date having downed 3 drinks in an hour or so? Yeah, that’s great manners.

Either they got caught doing blow in the bathroom or they just ditched you because they were bored rich party kids. Probably the latter.

Sounds like this was a VWD for the guy, not the OP. She got free tickets, free food, free drinks, and the guy behaved himself (at least while she was around).

@ Jeff
”
I know, right? The OP also showed up drunk, and texted her ex throughout the “date”. Talk about some red flags!

I’m with Sally Word … OP needs to relax and get over her ex and herself.

@tofupuppy, you beat me to it. Seems like every other story on here uses “needless to say,” though. Is it possible we’ve discovered a link between people who use that phrase and people with bad date karma? I think we need a government study.

I’m usually entertained by comments, but today I’m disappointed. Wow, so much hate for turning down drugs which are illegal where you live. I wonder if everyone would have the same reaction if he asked you to steal a glass from the bar or do something equivalently illegal as smoking pot. Yeah, the OP is such a prude for not wanting to go to jail… Really guys? Yeah some parts are stupid, like getting wasted before the “date” and being slightly long-winded, but I don’t think that turning down illegal substances is such a terrible thing.

Long story short.. would’ve been a good idea.

OP, this is the line that’s got everyone up in a huff:
Me: (while giggling to WJ): Um, what about us says “we do drugs and we want to do them with you guys at your apartment?”

A simple, “No thanks,” or even, “No thanks, we don’t smoke up” would suffice. And a clear, “Hey, sorry, we’re not comfortable going back to your place since we just met” would be totally understandable and would send a firm but polite “You’re not fucking me tonight” message.

But the all-holier-than-though “HowDARE you suggest that I am LOWLIFE like YOU?” attitude is unnecessary.

(for the record, besides this and the texting-your-ex thing I don’t have any other criticisms of this story. Being bailed on, no matter the circumstances, is rude behavior that makes for a shitty date.)

There’s no hate going on, Otto. Just scoffing and derision.

Wow, I must have needed my coffee this morning. For some reason I read “Otto” as “OP” and then wrote a response comment that is now awaiting moderation. So Otto, keep your eyes peeled for a comment from me, and change all the “you”s to “she”s.

And the thing is, you all know that you’d have been all over her if she had actually gone to his apartment to smoke pot. You’d have blamed her for anything that happened afterward. Honestly, I kind of think that assuming that someone does something illegal (even “just weed”) is pretty stupid.

Sure, she might have shown a little more tact when turning them down, but offering to take someone to your apartment for drugs when you’ve just met them is pretty stupid and immature. She just responded to immature with more of the same.

You’re right McDiva. Hahahahaa

She was tactless (both in her TEXTING HER EX and rejecting the pot smoking offer in a snooty fashion), but I’d be willing to bet the dudes decided to toke up somewhere in/around the arena and got busted. They knew they wouldn’t be getting high with the ladies, so decided to get high and then be around them.

VWD all around!

oh, and McDiva, when I was in college, (or just out of it), offering to smoke someone out at your apartment wasn’t “stupid and immature” and more “being a good host.” If someone didn’t smoke, no big deal. Of course, as a musician, probably 90% of my friends and acquaintances smoked pot.

I don’t partake these days, but back then? If I drank heavily before, (and also during!), a date, I had a lot less control than if I drank lightly/moderately and smoked a little. I do agree that prohibition makes it risky to get high, but (mostly) in the legal sense. (I acknowledge that people can get so high that they lose control/judgment, but it’s not as common.)

Wow I must be some kind of deviant that I’m the kind of girl who’d be relieved if a guy asked, on the first date, if I maybe wanted to smoke a bowl after. As a stoner, I must take umbrage that offering a bit of weed on the first date is not horrible etiquette. Honestly, if you are a big pothead, you want to make sure the people you are dating are, at the very least, not adverse to your being a pothead.

Haha, I’m the OP (still not sure what that stands for though) and I think nearly everyone missed the point of the story. I could give two sh*ts that they wanted to smoke pot with us. I just wasn’t comfortable with that being brought up on the first date and no, it isn’t my thing and was taken a back. I’m not uptight at all, it was just out of place in the setting. Drinking (legally mind you) was par for the course at a sporting event, the rest was not. Yes I texted my ex but he was texting too, and it’s not like we were at the freaking Opera and he had no idea who I was texting. Also, I used the term “date” loosely for purposes of this site…it was certainly more like 4 nearly strangers hanging out then it was a date. Regardless, I shouldn’t be chastized for not wanting to smoke with them, it is simply not my thing. I also don’t any longer so I’m sure I’ll be called uptight for that as well but to each their own These comments are seriously hilarious, who knew so many people had so much time on their hands to read this and the whole string of comments!!

lol its just pot!!

I’ve been reading these stories for years and this is the first one that I thought was lame enough to comment on.