Can Of Worms
Let me introduce myself as an eternal friendly helper who is often quite hapless in love myself. This story does involve me but not directly. It’s more of a story from my perspective of what happened, so I admit there will be some bias…just bear with me.
One Saturday afternoon I was going about my merry business and getting ready for my friend’s birthday party later that evening. Being a little too busy to answer my phone immiediately, when my friend rang me at 5.30 I didn’t pick up. Knowing my friend as well as I do, I knew two things at that point:
1) She hardly ever rings unless she has something important to discuss or I’ve had important things to discuss or we’re meeting.
2) We certainly weren’t meeting each other that night (she wasn’t invited to the party) and I didn’t have anything important to discuss, soooo…
…I rang her back about five minutes later and she said she was worried about fitting all her stuff into her “friend’s” car to move down to her new place about an hours drive away. You see my friend, let’s call her X, can’t drive (but really should because it was a requirement for her job…but she’s very good at negotiating…or just plain lying!). I knew she was moving away soon but assumed she had already moved her things as she had started her new job on Wednesday. It turns out she had moved some of her things on Tuesday, having caught the train earlier in the week. She only had her place here till Sunday! She told me she had to move that night.
“Calm down,” I said, “I’m sure your friend will be able to help you move all your things, and even if you don’t, it’s not too far, so I’m sure you can get them to do a few trips…just offer to pay them for the fuel.” And then a dangerous thought occurred to me, which I promptly voiced: “Wait, who is this friend?”
(I’m going to be referring to a “can of worms” metaphorically as I think it illustrates my thought patterns quite well.)
First she tells me it’s a guy she knows. Okay…not so alarming there, perfectly all right. Seems they’ve been dating. Also okay, but I’m eying up the can of worms a little. They had been on one date…just one and it was a couple of weeks ago.
(One little worm out the can…)
“One date…how well do you know this guy then?” I ask rather frantically – and, retrospectively, rather stupidly. Because let’s face it, one date is a 50/50 chance of meeting someone great, you trust, you get on with! As it turns out they’ve been speaking loads, mostly by text and email….since that date of course.
“So it went well then, right?”
Well, it was a so-so date, she said. He was ok, but no fire lit that night.
(Second worm cracks its back on the floor and scurries away under the sofa….)
“Err, if it really wasn’t that good then, so why are you guys talking so much?”
It turns out he’s calling and texting loads, which she’s mostly replying to. I say mostly, as she’s a busy professional women with a life and stuff to do. Supposedly, so is her “friend”…or not.
So what have they been talking about?
Oh…just about how he thinks she’s wonderful (3rd worm out the can), amazing (4th worm) and how he’s already been speaking to his sister about how wonderful she is (darn there goes a whole load!) and how it’s nearly Valentines day (woah it’s like a volcano now!) and he’s thinking about proposing to her (I CAN’T STEM THE TIDE….SAVE YOURSELF FROM THE TIDAL WAVE OF WORMS!).
Okay…I admit feeling a little guilty here as I’m one of X’s very good friends here and I didn’t offer to drive her down and help her move stuff earlier. Truth be told, my friend X is very independent and I know she likes to be able to do things for herself and not to come running to her friends all the time etc (yes I am trying to make myself feel better, did you not see the worms?). Panic-stricken as I am at that moment, I’m thinking of what kind of psychotic person goes from a so-so date to proposing in two weeks flat. X isn’t even sure she would say yes to this guy for another date but hey…she needed the lift so what the hell!
“No! Tell him you don’t need his help…ring him now and tell him. I’ll figure something. I’m coming round now!”
Turns out it’s not so easy to get rid of his attentions. He continued to text and ring for weeks later, still professing his love….
As for X and her stuff…turned out it did fit into my car and I took her down. Of course I did tease her about how much stuff she had (everything except the shoes, I have nearly as many as she has).
The moral: would-be-boyfriends are not to be thought of as potential removal men!