Not Gonna Fly

I don’t get why your mother was there … ?

1. Why was your mother there?

2. I find it difficult to be put onto someone’s shoulders without your consent.

But really, it sounds like he just got a bit too tipsy. Not a good date, by any means., but it doesn’t sound completely awful.

Why would you take your mom on your first date? A double date with friends, maybe, but… your mom..?

The rest of it, yeah, sounds like a bad date. But suspensions ARE a lot of fun for people who enjoy them. It’s a giant adrenaline rush, safer than bungee jumping (jumping off a bridge with a cord tied to your feet) or parachuting (jumping out of a plane with a piece of cloth strapped to your back). Like all body mod and adrenaline rush stuff, it’s not for everyone. But it’s also not the worst or weirdest thing people do in their lives.

Well if you go on a date and bring your mom….
On a side note: didn’t you know that he was into piercings and pain before you met him? These types usually don’t make a secret of their tastes.

I think he met OP at her house and her parents were there. No big deal, really…

Please stop doggin the online dating sites. I’ve been on them and met all kinds of wonderful people. Although, I’m more open to people than the OP sounds… Yes of course you have to be careful and weed out what doesn’t suit you, but a bad date is not the website’s fault. I’m so tired of hearing this.

*all kinds of people

You think it’s weird he told you mom about his fetish? Well I think it’s weird he MET YOUR MOM ON YOUR FIRST DATE. Dude, not normal.

Also, don’t be subtle. Stop being subtle. Quit it with the subtleties. JUST TELL THEM TO GO HOME.

I AM SHOUTING WITH MY CAPS LOCK ON, LOOK WHAT YOU’VE DONE.

OP, you do come across as a little close minded.

First of all, you brought your mother on a date. That’s just sad.

Second of all, nothing wrong with suspension (that’s the hanging from hooks). Not my thing personally, but I wouldn’t bash anyone who did it, especially if they are piercers because it’s not uncommon in body mod circles. And to be honest, it’s not any crazier than the people who tightrope walk across open canyons. Not my thing and it evidently isn’t yours, but it doesn’t make the guy weird or creepy, just that he simply has different interests to you.

Third, there’s nothing wrong with a guy suggesting you go visit him. The fact he invited your parents (bear in mind you took Momma on the date) to me shows he’s not got anything to hide. Pressuring you to visit is quite another thing.

Fourth, hoisting you up on his shoulders – fair enough, you may not have liked it. In my experience I’ve seen and had guys to that thing in harmless jest (especially with a little booze). I don’t think that’d make a bad date unless he (a) dropped you or (b) tried to kidnap you in the process.

And lastly, he at least took the hint to go home and from the conclusion of your story, doesn’t sound like he harassed you further.

You guys simply didn’t click. Doesn’t make either of you bad. But the way you tell this story does make you sound a bit stuck up and prudish (who takes Momma on a first date? Seems a bit odd).

Yea, I’d love to hear an explanation as to why the mother was there. Since he was drinking (with the mother in attendance,) and he has a car, I’m assuming that you both were at least over 16…? It’s understandable if he met the mother when coming to your house to pick you up, but it sounds like she came to the beach with you as well?

But I’m kinda with OP on the extreme body mod stuff. There’s nothing wrong with him being into it, of course, but it’s also an understandable turnoff to someone who may not be interested in body mods to begin with.

I would hardly call suspension a “fetish”. Suspension bondage is a thing, but that’s not what OP’s date was talking about.

Ok, OP sounds like a judgmental twit. Poor guy. I hope he found someone more open minded.

Let’s see here…

1) Discussing his profession (and one of his interests) with you – not that weird.
2) Talking about you visiting him – a touch clingy, but not that weird.
3) Complimenting you profusely – oh come on now.
4) Wants to be ‘near you’ while you’re driving – you couldn’t say “hey, I’m driving; back off”?
5) Carrying you around on his shoulders – I’d guess he was trying for romcom levels of sweet and missed the mark.

On the other hand…
1) You asked this guy over to your house for the first date before you’d even talked with him enough to find out his job.
2) You took your mom along on your date to the beach – pretty weird.
3) You “couldn’t pry [your] head away to see out the window of the car” while driving – DANGEROUS.
4) You closed the POF account, presumably without so much as a “Hey, I don’t think we’ve clicked; all the best.”

Sorry, OP, but it kind of sounds like you were this guy’s VWD. Maybe next time send some emails back and forth before meeting, and plan to meet up for coffee or something – not the beach with one or more family members in attendance.

If not being into “suspension” , which I never heard of (despite having graduated from a somewhat liberal school and currently living in NYC) makes someone close-minded…
wait….

that makes YOU judgmental

How could you not know that he was into that kind of stuff before you went on your date? Did you not talk about each others interests. The way it sounds, you didn’t even know what he did for a living. What the hell did you talk about before hand?

And yes, I too would love an explanation of why Mom was brought on the date.

^^ et: what a silly comment. Everyone is judgmental on this planet. By and large I don’t see it as a perjorative term even though I know that’s what you’re aiming to do. Judging is fine if you have good intentions for yourself or others. It becomes a perjorative when you judge someone wrongly just because you don’t take the time to understand something (like the OP did IMO).

But yes, I stick my statement that OP is close-minded. I appreciate that suspension was a new and unusual activity to her but that isn’t grounds to make the guy out as weird or bad. If she were just to say that suspension was something that she didn’t like or that didn’t interest her then that’s perfectly acceptable. You don’t have to like everything or every person in life but you don’t go around insulting people just because your tastes are not the same.

Et, I am a libertarian suburban Christian. I don’t know why you think graduating from a liberal school and living in NYC makes you openminded. I’ve met plenty of liberal school grads and NYC residents who judge like its their job.

“I couldn’t even tell where we were because he was so busy wanting to be ‘near’ me I couldn’t pry my head away to see out the window of the car. ”

Who was driving? Mom? thank god she was there!

Nothing wrong at all with suspension. There is also nothing at all wrong with picking up a stranger for a night of butt sex but you guys would go ape shit if someone said that.

Odd, usually I’m all about giving the OP a hard time. Don’t understand it here.

Kudos for Drinky to pull out the terms butt sex and ape shit in the same sentence, though. That made me smile.

I think the OP is “Kimmy Bishop” the virgin from the TV show Ally McBeal, as played by Jami Gertz.

Frankly, I think bringing your MOM on a first date is a way bigger red flag than anything her date could have done. That is just weird, and actually kind of creepy. Do you take your mom on all your dates?

Also, it seems like you agreed to meet someone for a date without knowing anything about their hobbies or interests. I mean, his profession and hobby might not be your thing, but it’s a pretty big part of his life.

my mom was there because I don’t have a car so she had to drive us there.