Three Dimensions of Dreadful

I don’t date very much, not because I don’t have the opportunity to, but because I’m pretty selective when it comes to men. It’s been about two years since my last serious relationship, and I’ll admit I was starting to get lonely and somewhat desperate. So I made the god-awful mistake of letting a high school friend set me up with one of his co-workers. We’ll call him L, for loser.

First off, L was definitely NOT my type. He dressed like a “thug” and had spacers in his ears and tattoos. But I’m not one to judge based on looks, so I figured I’d still give this guy a chance. That was my first mistake. This “friend” gave L my number and we had been texting back and forth. He seemed like a nice guy, so when he asked me to see a movie I accepted, regardless of his looks.

On the day we were supposed to go to the movie, L was late picking me up. After about 45 minutes I was just about ready to text him and call off the date when he showed up. I ended up getting into his car – my second mistake – because the new Titanic movie was out and I really was looking forward to seeing it.

The car ride was pretty usual, small talk, some awkward silences, the usual on a first date. However, when we pulled up to the movies and he asked my what I had wanted to see, it went pretty downhill from there. I told him I had wanted to see Titanic, and he then proceeded to explain to me how he couldn’t go see it because of his vision and how he had a hard time watching 3D movies. I was pretty bummed but I suggested that we see something else then: third mistake. He looked at the movies that were playing and suggested that we see The Lorax, yes a Dr Seuss movie. Oh wait, here’s the kicker, IT WAS IN 3D! When I had pointed out to him that the movie would be in 3D, after him telling me about his “vision” problems, he said “I’ll be all right, my vision isn’t too bad.” Now I was getting really irritated, and a huge part of me just wanted to go home, but he was my ride so I was stuck.

Since we were early for the new movie choice we had to wait around about, while he proceeded to tell me that he hadn’t finished high school until about a year ago (he’s 28) and was on methadone treatments for his drug addiction. Mind you, we had NEVER met before this, so I was freaked right out that he was just unloading all of this on me at once. Finally, it was time to get our tickets and go into the movie. I sat as far away from him as I could, and at one point I’m pretty sure I actually napped during the movie.

Once the movie was over it was only about nine at night, but at this point I just wanted to go home and get as far away from this kid as possible. He dropped me off at home and told me to shoot him a text sometime. I never did, and I never heard from him after that night. I can’t say I’m really disappointed.

Comments (36)
JayceJuly 24th, 2012 at 4:23 am

Overall this date really doesn’t seem that bad. I would rate this “my very most boring date” rather than bad. Your attitude towards this guy was pretty terrible and you had already made your mind up about him it seemed, then you went ahead and threw a pouty party for yourself by not getting to watch the movie YOU wanted. His comment about his vision being bad for titanic? He probably hates that movie anyway and sensed your terrible attitude so why not mess with you a little to get out of it?

Not that I condone drug abuse, but at least he was open and honest with you on the offchance you would be interested in seeing him more knowing he has a problem but is taking the steps to fix it.

sighJuly 24th, 2012 at 4:32 am

WHO SUGGESTS TITANIC FOR A FIRST DATE MOVIE???

zomboidJuly 24th, 2012 at 5:10 am

um…so…what happened here exactly? you didn’t get to see your movie?

NattieJuly 24th, 2012 at 6:18 am

So you normally have very high standards, but this one time you decided to have absolutely none?
Sweetie, it’s fine to judge on looks – you want to be attracted to the person you’re dating. If you’re trying to ease off the standards in order to widen the dating pool, start incremental. Maybe ease up on the height requirement, the eye-colour requirement, the “no stupid hobbies” requirement, the income requirement. Don’t date someone who’s absolutely not your type, because that’s just not fair to either of you.

JayJuly 24th, 2012 at 6:30 am

“First off, L was definitely NOT my type. He dressed like a “thug” and had spacers in his ears and tattoos. But I’m not one to judge based on looks”

Heh.

@Zomboid: “um…so…what happened here exactly? you didn’t get to see your movie?”

Er, they watched The Lorax.

NGJuly 24th, 2012 at 6:44 am

He might just as well have suggested a marathon of “Breaking Bad”!

On a more personal note, if my date had suggested “Titanic” as a date movie, that date would’ve been over then and there.

SportyGuyJuly 24th, 2012 at 6:47 am

You might want to question the definition of “friend” after getting set-up with this kind of guy

JackyMJuly 24th, 2012 at 6:50 am

@Jay: I dunno, I can kinda relate to that. I don’t consider myself to be fussy in the looks department, but someone who mangles their body isn’t really my type either… But I would probably find a less stuck-up-sounding way to say it.

zomboidJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:18 am

@jay
yes, i read that too thanks. ‘her’ movie was titanic.

SallyWordSlingerJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:18 am

Dr. Seuss rocks. Methadone, not so much.

TellysooJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:19 am

@JackyM: I think Jay posted that because she sounds like a hypocrite saying she doesn’t judge people on looks but clearly judging him by his looks when she said he looked like a thug lol.

Also, the guy didn’t sound too bad. He didn’t want to see Titanic (again probably), I know plenty of men who wouldn’t want to go see that movie – and women as well actually.
He probably thought The Lorax would be a cute, light-hearted, movie you both would enjoy. I don’t think it was right for you to put down his movie choice just because he obviously didn’t like yours.
Perhaps he would’ve snoozed through Titanic like you snoozed through The Lorax, and then we would’ve got another version of the story telling us how inconsiderate he was because he fell asleep during the movie YOU picked…

He shouldn’t have bombarded you with all of that not-so-appealing info about himself on the first date though. Saying you didn’t finish high-school until 27 isn’t going to woo any woman.

zomboidJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:20 am

i was trying to identify the main reason that this was such a terrible date, not actually asking for help with reading the story…

ZtreJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:26 am

So he ‘dresses like a thug’ but you don’t judge on looks?
Riiight.
Most people will judge on looks for their first impression. There is nothing wrong with this, however denying you do this when you clearly do is pointless.

It was rude of him to lie about his vision, but you assumed that you would be watching Titanic without a thought for what film he wanted to watch. I would not want to watch Titanic on any date, let alone my first, comedy all the way (Y)

The not finishing high school should not be a kicker, however you are understandably freaked out about the drug addiction, however I will point out there would never have been a good point in which to bring this up in conversation. I’m guessing his actions were to make sure that if you were put off by it he would know immediately, not after getting to know or like you.

Lastly… if he was not rude or stalkerish why not just reply to say that you did not feel a connection? Not only is it polite but it means that both people are on the same page as to how the date went.

AudaxJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:56 am

And then the Lorax whipped it out! …no, wait…

Drinky the Drunk GirlJuly 24th, 2012 at 8:12 am

I judge on looks. Always, I’m a fashion designer. Don’t like it? Don’t care….

sarahJuly 24th, 2012 at 8:38 am

well don’t you just sound like a jewel.

NikkiJuly 24th, 2012 at 8:38 am

Eh, I can understand being turned off by someone battling drug addiction and having only recently finished their high school education. That’s some big baggage to bring up on a first date. However, being mad because a guy doesn’t want to see Titanic 3D with you?? Titanic is a three-hour romance filmed in 1997 that’s been seriously overplayed on television since then. I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years and I don’t think I’d make him go see Titanic 3D if he wasn’t interested.

RattusJuly 24th, 2012 at 9:30 am

I’ve been married to Mr. Rattus for 25 years and I wouldn’t make him sit through Titanic. In fact, I only make him watch a movie that’s entirely for me once a year, on my birthday, and the worst I’ve done to him in that respect is Black Swan. And that had blood AND girl-on-girl.

I fully expect to be seeing shortly a VWD whereupon the antagonist was pushing the viewing of that tripe as only their fair due.

?July 24th, 2012 at 10:01 am

I don’t know if the writing was meant to have a touch of dry humour about it, but the OP sounds too stuck up for my tastes. I agree that her date did some things you just don’t do on a first date but it’s clear she had a bad attitude from the start. Saying she’s selective and hadn’t had a relationship in about 2 years now does not come as much of a surprise me in the slightest. The things she quite rightly had issue with:

1. Being late (although I’m curious if he did call/text to say he was delayed and for good reason?).

2. Lying about his vision wasn’t smart. But I’ll be honest here, I’d probably do the same if someone suggested Titanic (it’s not a new movie, just the same old longass sh*t done in 3D).

3. Unloading the meth thing was ill-advised for a first date, but any person he’d date would have to find out sooner or later. I at least hoped OP would respect his honesty about it, and his effort to reform himself even if she didn’t want to date him.

Plus it’s not really nice to sit away from someone in the cinema when they invite you out. I’d understand it if he was hitting on her unnecessarily or if he smelled really bad, but he invited her out and that’s just bad manners.

But anyway, it’s clear the chemistry was not there on either end as neither of them followed the other one up.

blondieJuly 24th, 2012 at 11:32 am

The second I started reading this, I thought, “Oh man, the OP-Bashing on this one is going to be spectacular.” And it is. The snobbery and hypocricy on this kid is astounding. Who badmouths Dr. Seuss but wants to drag people to Titanic (which is not, as the OP claims, a new movie)? Weirdness.

My favortie part, though, is where she put quotes around the term “thug.” Why is this quoted? Does he not actually look like a thug? Are we quoting someone else who said he looks like a thug? What’s going on here?

blondieJuly 24th, 2012 at 11:34 am

Oh, and does anyone else think maybe the dude wasn’t lying about his vision? Watching live-action in 3D is a different experience than watching animation in 3D.

TraceyJuly 24th, 2012 at 11:50 am

@Audax: Now that would’ve been an awesome date….

JeffJuly 24th, 2012 at 12:45 pm

I would be less sympathetic to the OP if it wasn’t for the methadone part. That’s pretty much a huge red flag. People who are on methadone are serious-level drug addicts and the odds are he had a criminal record to boot.

But regardless, it should have been clear to a third-grader that these two people were not going to be compatible, so maybe OP needs to be as selective about who she considers a friend as she is about who she dates.

AvidReaderJuly 24th, 2012 at 2:43 pm

@blondie: It may be different for other people, but I’m a bit sensitive to certain 3D films, and the ones that bug me are always the animated ones. I’ve never gotten headaches from live action films like I have animated (the exception being Avatar. I had to take the glasses off and just rub my eyes a couple of times, haha.)

Either way, I can’t blame the guy if he didn’t want to see Titanic on a first date. And lol at “new” Titanic.
I also can’t blame the OP for not liking the guy, though I know no one has had a problem with that.

EmveeJuly 24th, 2012 at 7:07 pm

Movie dates don’t usually translate well into MVWD stories, because there is so little interaction. I agree that it was probably highly alarming to be hearing all about this dude’s substance abuse problems on a first date, but the only other thing that happened was a disagreement about what movie to see, making this a pretty uninteresting story overall.

MaxxyJuly 24th, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Boring, but, props to L for dumping his dirty laundry so quickly. And boo to OP for saying it was a lot to dump on her all at once. Gee, yeah, you would have liked it so much better if he’d strung you along for a few dates before revealing info that turned you off.

And is anyone else noticing a pretty wide disconnect between “not because I don’t have the opportunity to, but because I’m pretty selective” and “I was starting to get lonely and somewhat desperate”?

Maggie MayJuly 25th, 2012 at 2:45 am

I like to think I don’t judge by looks, too, but a guy with spacers? Those things just freak me out. Besides, I think they are less about a guy’s looks than about his tastes, and it would be a clear sign ours just don’t mesh.

Have to say, too, as someone who wears glasses all of the time, I hate 3-D movies because I have to put the plastic frames on top of my regular ones. It’s quite the attractive look, I assure you.

AudaxJuly 25th, 2012 at 8:39 am

@Tracey: Knock on Wood? :)

blondieJuly 25th, 2012 at 9:10 am

“And is anyone else noticing a pretty wide disconnect between “not because I don’t have the opportunity to, but because I’m pretty selective” and “I was starting to get lonely and somewhat desperate”?”

Maxxy, I was thinking this, too. :)

JeffJuly 26th, 2012 at 7:28 pm

“And is anyone else noticing a pretty wide disconnect between “not because I don’t have the opportunity to, but because I’m pretty selective” and “I was starting to get lonely and somewhat desperate”?”

Um, no. You think people who are picky don’t get lonely sometimes and let down their standards on occasion? Obviously, this was a departure for the OP. If being selective didn’t carry with it the risk of loneliness, everyone would do it.

66SickJuly 27th, 2012 at 4:36 pm

Maggie May, I have to admit I’m LOL’ing at “but a guy with spacers?” like those are the worst things he could be sporting. Then again, Dan Savage says they look like floppy ear-vaginas. There’s no accounting for taste.

anonJuly 28th, 2012 at 7:08 am

You are, all of you, totally dancing around and missing the point.

He was an utter and complete LOSER. This girl had standards and he didn’t meet them, she was stuck with him, she dozed off during a kiddy movie she didn’t want to see after he lied about his ‘bad vision’. It was a Bad Date with a big, fat loser. I’m sure she’s grateful he isn’t following up by bugging her to get together again. He’s such a huge loser, even HE knows it.

OP, I feel for you. This was, indeed, a Very Bad Date with a Loser.

Herp derpJuly 28th, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Okay yes this was awkward but not that bad. I don’t blame you for not continuing on, really. But OP, it is NEVER a mistake to pass up judging someone on their outer exterior. I have tattoos and piercings (usually not visible, but still) and I have a college degree, working on a second, and a great job. So yeah…don’t judge…it’s not nice for anyone.

Not saying you have to be attracted to people with tattoos. Everyone has their tastes…but just don’t put people down who aren’t in your taste range :P

TulipJuly 29th, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Ok. Titanic is not a first date movie. It’s my second all-time favorite movie, I’m not ashamed to admit it. I love Titanic. Love, love, love. But if I was on a first date with a guy who looked like Jesse Pinkman, I would not suggest Titanic. Or The Lorax. Gosh, that must have been awkward.
Also… It wasn’t a “new Titanic movie.” A rerelease in a new format is not a “new” movie (sorry, I know that’s not a big deal, but it was bugging me.)
And, someone said this already, but “lowering your standards” doesn’t mean date someone who is far out of your “type”.

NoishJuly 30th, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I have never seen Titanic. I intend to continue with this way of life. However, after having read this story and its comments, I hope I haven’t compromised my Titanic-less lifestyle.

MonicaAugust 1st, 2012 at 3:37 pm

I am judging you *SO HARD* on the fact that you’d drag a guy to see Titanic 3D on a first date.

SO. HARD.

That is all.

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