Trashy

I’m sorry, but where is the date?

I don’t even care that there’s no date, this story was awesome. I love this OP. BOOOOOOOO to people who litter, no matter how hot they are!

So you stalked a girl home in the hope of asking her out, purely on the basis she looks nice, then didn’t because she littered. Nice.

Maybe they should rename this blog “Share Your Attempts at Romance Gone Awry so That Everyone and His Dog Can Criticize You.”

Normally I would complain, too, that this isn’t really a dating story. However, due to the fact that I too hate litterbugs, AND it’s nice to see someone stick to their standards from the get-go (a rarity here at MVWD) I will give OP both a pass and an environmentally-friendly high-five.

I’m with Raven – I would complain but I really hate litterers. No one is hot enough to overcome a propensity to litter.

I want to kill this pointless piece of writing with fire

Heh, good thing that you found out more about her personalitybefore you extended any more effort.

I like that you’re trying to claim moral high ground even though you were the one hoping to harrass/ask out a complete stranger just because she was really good looking. Nice.
And I don’t really get the drama of walking in the opposite direction and why this was such a event you felt you had to text all your friends to tell them about it. I’m sure the girl was devastated to have missed out on your proposition…

Two random thoughts:
1) There are no coincidences.
2) My dog isn’t one to criticize others.

Have a great weekend!

I’m confused. Since when did asking someone out turn into harassment? Maybe if you don’t take no for an answer, but before computers, approaching an attractive person in a public place to attempt conversation and then ask them out was an acceptable way to get a date. I’m usually flattered, though slightly flustered, if a guy attempts to chat me up/ask me out when I’m going about my daily business, but I wouldn’t get all huffy and ladyrage about harassment unless he was overly aggressive.

The internet has made people weird.

Hilarious! I wouldn’t date a litterer either.

I was with you up until “and immediately texted all my guy friends about it.” Seriously?! However, I don’t think that you are a harassing stalker either.

I agree with Nikki. If a stranger approaches me in public and tries to make my acquaintance, I have no problem with that, and am usually quite flattered. Now, if I indicate that I’m not interested and they don’t leave off, that’s another story, but the OP sounds like a nice guy who would take no for an answer. I liked this story. I think the spirit of this site is “horror stories from the world of dating”, and this story fits in with that theme despite there being no actual date.

I hate littering too, but I hate it even more when a random stranger follows me for blocks to ask me out because he happened to find me attractive. Your initial instincts were right, OP, it’s creepy and you are usually bothering someone who’s minding their own business.

And no, not to say you should never approach someone in public. But if you have to pretty much chase them to do it, accept that the moment has passed, if there ever was one. Personally, I have had this happen to me a couple times on the street, and I really didn’t like it. Particularly in a big city, the street is not a social situation.

She should go out with the guy who has a problem with the social contract!

People who litter suck!

Merriam-Websters definition of harassment:

b (1) : to annoy persistently (2) : to create an unpleasant or hostile situation for especially by uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct

To approach a stranger and politely try to make acquaintance is not harassment, as long as you comply and leave if the stranger rejects you. I’m not too fond of that kind of attention myself, but I’m a bit surprised that so many commentators are unable to make the distinction between being harassed and being annoyed.

I’m usually the first one to complain about non-dates, but this was well-written and amusing. It got a bigger chuckle out of me than most of the stories here nowadays.

I would have done the same thing, although I like to yell at people for littering. Well written piece, liked the “90s PSA about littering”.

Um yeah, I don’t really see the problem with him asking out a stranger on the basis of her attractiveness. That’s a huge part of dating. The key is he needs to remember to back off immediately if she doesn’t seem to share his interest.

I’m not really bothered over quibbling about the idea of harrassment, I don’t think approaching a stranger is harrassment, but it can easily turn into that. I mainly don’t think OP can claim some kind of moral high ground after he’d just chased a stranger a couple blocks because she was fit. As Lacey said, it’s creepy and I have never enjoyed such experiences either.

Give a hoot, don’t pollute! Am I dating myself with that old PSA tagline?

Agreeing with @Raven – Sometimes the moral of the story is more important than the story itself. The OP that submitted this piece has given a fine example.

For the young(er) audience here, the moral is, namely, sticking to (your important) personal principles regardless of what stage a relationship has progressed to. Character flaws can be a helluva problem when compared to the other “traits” we typically cherish as dear when assessing people.

OP – texting the friends…way over the top….but 4 stars otherwise.

The OP said he was going to “man up” and asked her out. Then after she littered (more like the OP got scared and chickened out) he texted all his friends about it to gossip like a little girl. OP you are sad. Decide what you want and stick to it

Wow, rarely seen commentators stand on the extremes sides of pro/against OP. I’m voting the following:

OP knows that asking a stranger out is generally not considered harassment, but it can be if he approached it the wrong way, hence his pep talk to himself to be calm and act normal. +1

Nothing wrong with asking someone out because of looks if the only thing you know about them at the time is looks. Just because the setting is a grocery store doesn’t mean that he can’t ask out someone he finds attractive just like he would in a bar or a club. He didn’t toss all his standards out and say “oh I don’t like this, but she’s SO HOT I must have her!” He was turned off immediately and walked away. +1

And to commentators: If he really was a creepo, he could’ve stayed 30 ft behind and followed her all the way home. How is it “stalking” if he unfortunately came out of the store late and fell behind her? He was just catching up to her as fast as he could.

Nice story, in my opinion.

Dear OP: Having read all of the comments, I still love your story. Go you. Three years ago I’d say “date me, I don’t litter!” but now I’m married (to a non-litterer!) so that’s kind of a no-go.

It is strange to me that some commenters are accusing the OP of being shallow for wanting to ask a girl out on the basis of looks and then deciding not to when she littered? It would have been shallow if he had said, “I watched her throw garbage on the ground, but I asked her out anyway because she was hot.” Isn’t not asking her out because she did something he found morally repugnant kind of the opposite of shallow? Most relationships start with physical attraction and build from there.

Littering is horrible, no doubt. Texting your friends about some hot stranger doing that is sad, as if you have nothing better to say.

OK, so it’s not a dating story. But, I love it. Littering is a turn-off. Pursuing a stranger in public is not harassment. Not leaving if she says “no” is. What you text your friends about is your business.

It’s not the asking out, it’s the following for blocks. Following is what makes it annoying and yes, creepy.

What basis, apart from looks, was he supposed to use for asking a stranger out? He had no idea yet if she was nice or nasty.

I hate litterbugs too, so good on ya, OP.

Following for blocks!!!

In the direction of his apartment…

Me thinks the OP was hoping to catch the gal at a stop light to chat her up, not stalking or harassing. Seriously people, stop abusing stalking and harassing like you do molesting and raping. All of those verbs are pretty horrible and shouldn’t be taken lightly. The guy was on the way home to his apartment and walked the other direction so she didn’t hear him laughing at himself (I think he texted his guy friends to say “I’m such a dipshit, I followed a girl and cosmic irony showed me she was a litterer. Next time, meet girls at the bulk bins.”

As a woman who has had a strange man walk up to me and tell me that he thought I was very pretty, yes it was flattering in the moment. But when he then proceeded to follow me around Kroger, grinning from the far end of each aisle? Super uncomfortable. To the point where I did in fact abandon my groceries, power walked to my car, and drove a half hour to the next grocery store to actually buy food.

Which is all to say, I don’t care anyone elses’ opinion here. OP, very sincerely, thank you for being aware of how a woman can be intimidated about men approaching her in public. This is extremely considerate of you. Serious kudos. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

Following someone on the pure basis of their looks sounds REALLY creepy to me. In the realm of “WOMAN LOOK SOFT…ME TOUCH!” kind of creepy. D:

The fact that she littered was awful too. She sounded like a self-absorbed sort of person who is used to people catering to her every whim and need: “I’ll just toss this trash wherever, the trash servant will pick it up.”

Either way, this story isn’t really on-topic for this blog. This is more of a “I saw this person who I didn’t know and followed them cause they made me feel funny in the pants, then they did something illegal and rude, so I quit following them” story than an actual “date” story.

A lot of oversensitive scaredy cats here.

Nothing wrong with striking up a convo with a stranger in the street. Nothing wrong with trying to catch up with them to ask them out. It’s flattering, pretty natural and and fun when respectful. However, I understand we live in an age where people meet up online and run scared when real people talk to them in real situations. That’s the Facebook generation for ya.

What is creepy is unwelcome attention (you ask her out, she says know, you persist), following someone past what is necessary (i.e. to track their movements or to stalk them) and being overfamiliar with a stranger (showing immediate affection, touching, flirting when it is not reciprocated). It’s also just as bad when the unwelcome attention happens online too (and that’s pretty common nowadays). OP did nothing that crossed the line so I think the people complaining are probably single, conservative or just go through life with a pickle up their butts.

Also, littering is bad. I don’t like it. I see people throw their rubbish on the ground right next to bins, and dog owners neglecting to use pooper scoopers. It’s disgusting. Bin men have a thankless job – if they ever go on strike, you realise just how messy most folks are. This is why I hate litters, so I’m team OP on this.

The texting his pals things was a bit petty but meh, I rather he did that than (a) cry over the girl, or (b) ask her out anyway then complain later that she was messy. At least he sticks to his principles unlike 99% of submitters on here.

I have the feeling that those who are crying “stalker” and “harassment” in this thread may be inclined to a bit of drama-queenery in their own lives. If he was put off by the littering, then I’m quite certain that he would have been put off by a “no” and gone on his merry way.

And with respect to the texting, he had a funnyish tale to tell his friends – the same tale he is telling here for OUR entertainment. Who amongst us doesn’t like to recount the amusing doings in our life to our friends? I don’t consider that to be petty, and those who do probably shouldn’t be reading this blog.

Hahaha XJ! My last word on the subject:

1) I don’t actually believe him that he was walking in the direcction of his apartment. Who turns around and walks away from their apartment, with their groceries, because someone littered?

2) (This is going to piss people off, even though it’s true) He describes the girl as “gorgeous.” Guess what: women whom a lot of men find gorgeous get approached in public ALL THE TIME, and quite often in very creepy ways. When a stranger follows them for blocks to ask them out, they are not going to be amazed and flattered, because men approach them ALL THE TIME. The girl the OP was chasing has heard that she’s gorgeous a million times, and she isn’t going to fall at his feet because he’s “sufficiently complimentary.” If you think chasing a very attractive woman is going to get you a result, you better be able to say something amazingly witty or be stunning yourself. Yes, yes, it’s awful, I know. It’s true.

Oh, and before anyone says it – yes, gorgeous people go out with less than gorgeous people who are really cool people all the time. None of these couples met on the street because one drooled over the other.

And this: http://kateharding.net/2009/10/08/guest-blogger-starling-schrodinger%E2%80%99s-rapist-or-a-guy%E2%80%99s-guide-to-approaching-strange-women-without-being-maced/

Stupidest story ever. Not a date, and littering is not a dealbreaker. If she’d flashed someone or stuck her butt out and farted, yeah. Littering? Nah.

She threw her trash into a construction site. Not onto a lawn. Not in the street. A construction site. No doubt already strewn with bent nails, cut-off ends of two-by-fours, discarded cigarette packs and all the assorted detritus that gets cleaned up at the end of the job.

And this makes the woman too awful for Stalker Boy?

Take a step back and look at this story again, folks.

Maxxy –
I think she probably would have thrown that anywhere. It just happened to be a construction site. And besides, someone other than the person who caused that garbage still has to pick it up. Gross.

Personally, I’m a big fan of hollering after people who litter, “Hey, you dropped something!” And then, if possible and not totally gross, handing their garbage back to them.

Adding to an already existing conglomeration of filth doesn’t make her any less of a pig.

I once confronted a total stranger about littering his cigarette butts. I was on my way to the subway and walking through a nice public park. I am the opposite of an anti-smoking Nazi, but in infuriates me that people somehow think cigarettes don’t count as littering. Well, I picked the wrong guy to confront as he was young and full of testosterone. He followed me all the way to the subway, throwing things at me until I got through the turnstile. I didn’t really want to get into a fistfight with him as I was wearing a nice suit. So I learned that sometimes you have to pick your battles.

On the other aspect of this – I am the perfect guy for all of you ladies who think it’s a) shallow to approach a woman solely based on looks, and b) creepy to ask a woman out in the middle of the street. I have often refrained from doing these things, as well as approaching women in bars, because I never want to make someone feel uncomfortable. And you know what? As a result, none of you will ever get asked out by me, but will continue to be approached by the guys you don’t approve of. You have created a set of rules that makes it impossible for a nice guy to ask out someone he doesn’t know. And most of you won’t take the initiative to ask a guy out either. So be it – but the next time you are tempted to complain that “there are no good men out there”, kindly shut it. [/end rant]

@Jeff: As a guy myself, Amen, bro!

@Jeff. Approaching women in bars is different. Women expect to be approached in bars so we are not uncomfortable about this. If you dont ask any woman out just for this then congartulations you are a nice guy but dont complain that you dont find women to go out with.

Also your attitude says, im a nice guy but i wont aproach you and if you complain is your fault. Not exactly an attractive attitude to have

Nelly, my opinion is the opposite of yours. I have a dream of someday being asked out by a stranger who is NOT DRUNK- in other words, a dude who is:
1. confident enough with himself that he doesn’t need liquid courage
2. actually seeing me and not a eer-googled version of me
3. interested in actually getting to know me instead of just hoping to hook up that night
If some guy approached me in a bookshop or at festival, I would e much more receptive than in a bar, where generally every dude who talks to me creeps me out a bit.

The second half of your comment is pretty spot-on, though. Chill out, Jeff. We’re not dating you because you keep whining about not getting dates.

Lacey – YES! I’m with you 100%. Nicely worded.
Jeff – As someone who hates being approached by people in the street who just want to tell me they find me attractive, I do not at all feel bad about the prospect of ‘missing out’ on some nice guy who might have approached me if it wasn’t for my rules about not wanting to be approached. It doesn’t matter to me how nice a guy is, when I’m walking somewhere, I want to get to where I’m going. I don’t want to be approached or chatted up or even complimented. I just want to go about my own business.

Haha! In one comment Jeff manages to compliment himself as being a “nice guy”, and then proceed to blame all of womankind for being so erratic and terrible that we miss out on getting to know his glorius self. Somehow I don’t feel like we are missing out.

I am used to being approached by strangers, and I never have a problem with it as long as they are polite and apologetic for imposing themselves on me uninvited. I just decline their invitations and go on my merry way, perhaps somewhat flattered, or somewhat annoyed. What I don’t like is being hooted at, whistled at, called “complimentary” names (like “Hey sexy! and that sort of thing), and men who persist after I’ve rejected them (really, does that ever work?). But unless I’m subjected to that kind of harassment, I really don’t see the problem with strangers talking to me.

@Blondie. I dont drink so however a stranger sees me in a bar is how he will see me after as well. But i agree with you that being approached by drunk people who want to hook up is annoying

@ Jeff – I’m sure (or at least hoping) you were just frustrated and letting off some steam when you wrote that, but please please, don’t turn into this:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annals/the-not-so-nice-nice-guys-of-online-dating

Its a slippery slope.

I don’t recall saying I had any problem getting dates. I simply said I don’t approach women I don’t know, that’s not the same as not dating. My point was that some women make it impossible for the guys they claim to prefer to approach them, then complain that there are no good guys left. If, like Emily, they’re not complaining about it, then there’s no problem.

@Ginny – The woman who posted that is herself the female equivalent of what she is complaining about. But I guess it’s OK, because she’s female and therefore entitled.

Jeff: I fall under your A) and B) categories, and no, you do NOT sound like the perfect guy for me. From your rather nasty rant that was full of assumptions, you sound like someone I have no interest in dating, ever.

@Jeff. If you dont approach women you dont know, how do you meet people then. Sometimes you must stop depending on people and get out on your own. Are you that afraid of failure? Also for your female and entitled comment above. Sexist?

Jeff has a good point though. Usually I find his comments very conservative, in a beige-Dockers and blue-twill-button-down Bostonian kind of way that kind of annoys me but THIS TIME I HAVE TO AGREE with him!

Guys who come up to you on the street are never going to be nice guys. Don’t take it as a compliment if some guy tells you you’re hot. It isn’t nearly the compliment you think it is.

Nice guys hang back. Nice guys wait, while the bold, brazen Jersey Shore douchebags walk up and score the girls. And yeah, they get a little bitter about it, because they usually end up being the guy who has to listen to the girls they know complain about their crappy boyfriends.

@Sally – Do you work at my dry cleaners?

@Nelly – So now it’s sexist to point out sexism? Child, please.

Team OP!

But I don’t think he was being especially stalkery. It’s not like he followed her for the rest of the day.

His story reminds me of how Michael Caine met his wife Shakira. Normally he’d be gadding about with his “very good friends”, Connery, O’Toole et al, but decided to have a quiet night in in front of the telly with a curry and another “very good friend”, who’s name escapes me. Anyway he turns on the telly and there’s an advert for beer set in Rio and sees the most beautiful woman he ever saw shaking her maracas (behave!) and immediately decides that he has to track her down.
He basically resolves to fly to bloody Brazil to find her but first talks to another friend who knows anyone who is anyone to get her name. He laughs and says that Shakira was actually living in London, only a few steets away from Michael. Michael gets her number, calls her and eventually persuades her to come to his flat for dinner. On the night of their date he opens the door and falls thoroughly, completely and utterly in love, not just because of her outward beauty, but her inner goodness that radiated from her. And they’ve been together for 40 or so years.

And you lot want to deny this man his non-litterbug Shakira, have yez no romance in ye at all at all?

@AIP – It was a coffee commercial.

Yeah, don’t care about the harassment/littering angle of this, my beef is that the OP is trying to sound like some kind of quirky, neurotic Seinfeld character.
I’m surprised you texted your friends and didn’t wait for them to simultaneously show up at your apartment to rehash this over Snapple.

This was a waste of time to read. He’s not only NOT writing about a date, but he is writing about a not hitting on a woman who very likely may have TURNED HIM DOWN.
He is talking about how he chose against her, when he might not even have had that option.

The other thing is that its pretty assumptive about her character. She littlered when she thought no one was watching so she is an evil person worth texting about? No, that is more likely a sign that he was scared and looking for an out. It makes him feel superior when he may have had no chance with her.

I have no issue with this story whatsoever, apart from you texted all your guy friends about it. I mean… Why would they care? I hope you normally text them more interesting things.

This is mental masturbation. Its like writing about why you didn’t apply for a job. You never had it to begin with, but that’s ok because “you didn’t want it anyways.”

ok no, this was not a date, this is you on you moral high horse (which btw is actually a donkey) telling the world about how you saw a hot girl and chased her down the street to ask her out but then didn’t, like wow you sure showed her! I can’t believe she missed out on a catch like you! NOT A DATE NOT A DATE JESUS go to igotfriendzonedbythatbitch.com or something and share your story, I’m sure the dudebros over there would love to hear your story about the date THAT NEVER WAS THAT THE GIRL NEVER KNEW ABOUT THAT NEVER EXISTED.