When The Goggles Come Off
When I was 21 I met this cocktail waitress. I can’t remember her name, so I will call her Beatrice. I met Beatrice at a bar at about midnight. I was fairly drunk when I hit on her and thought she was very attractive. After chatting her up for a while, I asked her out and she gave me her number.
It took me about two weeks to get Beatrice to go on a date, but finally she agreed to go to a baseball game. I had spent a considerable amount of time and money getting tickets to this baseball game. They included free beer and an all-you-can-eat dinner. I went to pick up Beatrice and she did not look like I remembered at all. When meeting her for the first time I must have had the worst case of ‘beer goggles’ ever, because the girl who I picked up was not attractive. Beatrice was not ugly, but I would have never considered her pretty or hit on her. Her face was bright red and covered with freckles, she also had a nose that looked like someone had glued a wedge of pita bread to a skull. Beatrice also had skin peeling from her forehead and nose and foundation on her cheeks that looked like someone had smeared it on with a butter knife. So lets just say, either I have terrible beer goggles or someone was playing the ole switcheroo on me.
Regardless of Beatrice’s looks, being the gentleman that I am, I took her to the ball game. We get there and I informed her about the included beer and food, on which I had spent over $100. We were both poor college students, so $100 was a lot to me back then. Beatrice then informed me that she does not drink beer or eat meat. Most of the food was meat (brats, hotdogs, hamburger, grilled chicken etc.), so Beatrice had a dinner of baked beans and sauerkraut. Even though I didn’t know she was a vegetarian, she blamed the lack of dinner fare on me.
I tried to make conversation and told her about my biology studies, family, etc, but all Beatrice wanted to talk about was professional wrestling. I thought she was joking at first, but she was totally serious. What 22-year-old woman watches professional wrestling religiously? As the conversations continued to die, all I wanted to do was run. I neither wanted to sleep with this girl, or hear another idiotic word come out of her mouth, so I devised a plan.
I called my friend S and asked him to meet me at a bar and to bring his friend Ryan. Ryan was always jealous of the girls I would date and would constantly hit on them to no avail. So I asked Beatrice if she wanted to go to a bar and meet my friends – she gladly agreed. We got to the bar and I introduced her to my friend S and his friend Ryan. Shortly after, I excused myself to the bathroom and took my sweet time. As I expected, when I came out, Ryan was talking to Beatrice. I texted my friend and snuck out the back of the bar in search of women that aren’t obsessed with professional wrestling.
I later got a text from her saying “Thanks for ditching me, at least I am having fun with your friend Ryan.”