It’s All Relative

Even without the cousin bombshell, I think pulling out a condom is kind of a douche move!

What Psyche said. You don’t go from sitting on the couch talking to a girl, and then pulling out a condom. A tad presumptuous, especially when you’ve never slept together before.

The cousin thing ameliorates it by 1000, however. What degree of separation? Not that it makes it much better, but at least 3rd cousins would be less gross than 1st.

Coming from someone who was adopted but knew that their birth family was living in the same city as myself, I was always a bit paranoid and given a heavy dose of fear every time I got too close to someone romantically. Someone pulling out a condom on the first date is always an out for the other party to bounce, that is just crass.

The condom thing is definitely douchey. However, you’re not exactly close relatives so I’m not sure that would matter much. Might not even be blood relatives at all.

the cousin thing ameliorates it? so it’s ok to pull out a condom as long as you’re on a date with your cousin?

This is exactly why I don’t date guys from the same area of Mexico where I’m from. Let’s just say my dad was a bit of a ladies man and that on its own is scary, aside from that 50% of Mexicans are related! Scary!

Good story, OP. Sorry you’re related to such a dim bulb.

Am I the only one who was more weirded out by the fact that everyone was okay with the mom coming along on the date and the kids making out right in front of her? Ew.

(not that the cousins thing isn’t weird, but we’ve heard that one and saw it coming from the title anyway)

I don’t think ameliorate was the word you were going for. I could be wrong.

On the condom thing – it is only ever acceptable for a woman to pull out a condom/diaphragm on a date. Not for a man to do so. I’m not being sarcastic, I’m serious.

On the cousin thing – define related. Most people are related somewhere. I think 3rd cousin or beyond is probably ok. Most of the incest taboo was related to a fear that people would never explore beyond the family if it was permitted, and the odd types of double-relationships that can ensure, screwing up inheritance. (You get all kinds of issues if someone is both your son and your brother, for instance, and you die, in a time when inheritance followed the eldest male child.) Today, we also know about genetics. But in this case, you’re not looking within the home. There’s no emotional oddness, since you didn’t grow up together and didn’t know you were related until you got together. If it’s third cousins or so, there’s very little issue with birth defects – plus, this was like a third date, you’re not getting married – and there’s genetic testing anyway. Inheritance lines are not involved. So I’m not so troubled by that.

“I was 16 and in high school.” Uh, congratulations? I guess.

Amelioriate = improve/makes it better

Meant in the sense “the fact he was your cousin makes this story so much better.” Upon re-reading it, I see that it sounds like “it makes pulling out a condom better.”

Fail, Nattie. Fail.

It’s legal to marry your second cousin in every state in the US. I’ve never dated a cousin of mine, but I think it’s kind of weird when people act like dating a second or third cousin is the same as dating a sibling.

Great story

@blondie – I agree. I thought the mom was just dropping them off; being on a date with your mom present was definitely weird. I can’t even understand how she’d even WANT to make out with the guy if her mom was right there.

Another thing that’s bothering me: if the mom was interrogating the date both on the way there and on the way back, how was his last name not the first thing she asked? If they really did live in a small town where everyone knew everyone, wouldn’t that be the biggest clue she’d want to know first? I can’t understand why the mom seemed to be asking all the less relevant details and tried to work it out with the “wheels spinning in her head”. It’s like saying, “so your cousin is married to Bob, who is the son of Jack, who is the in-law of of Mary… OH you must be a !” And your date answering, “Yep, is my last name.”

OP, you might want to explicitly share your “lesson learned” with your mom, because it seems like she has the same problem.

Blah, the the use of >< marks gets deleted. Let me correct:

It’s like saying, “so your cousin is married to Bob, who is the son of Jack, who is the in-law of of Mary… OH you must be a BLAHBLAH!” And your date answering, “Yep, BLAHBLAH is my last name.”

I agree, Blondie. Frankly, I would’ve thought “The moral of the story is: don’t go out on a date with your mom chaperoning.”

I don’t think the whole “we’re cousins” thing is such a big deal. I once knew someone who married his high school sweetheart, and their town was so small, everyone was related to everyone in some way. In fact, he and his wife-to-be shared the same last name, which I thought was awesome – no need for his wife to change her name after the wedding!

Blossom, I’m mexican too and i find your comment insulting.

mao-
I guess it’s possible the guy’s last name was Jones and only after some grilling was it revealed he was a Smith (and therefore a cousin) on his mom’s side.

We hear all the time how too many young people are having risky and unprotected sex and how health officials are trying everything they can to get young people to use protection. So we finally get a 16-year-old boy who’s responsible enough to have obtained protection in advance and is willing to use it, and now the judgment is he’s a “douche”? Talk about mixed messages.

I’m 50% kidding. But come on, 16 year old boys are horny all the time and will take advantage of anything that looks like an opportunity to get some, and of course they don’t know how to (or have the patience to) work up to it.

i know plenty of 16 yr old boys who don’t pull out condoms after finding out their gf is their cousin. this boy needs a cold shower and a brain.

@Shalamar: there is never a “need” for a woman to change her name when she gets married.

I’m with @belie. Some of the people who underestimate men the most are the type of men that insist that men can’t use their brains and control their sexual urges.

I thought maybe the mother in the story tagged along on the date because she had a suspicion about the family relation?

Also, I didn’t understand the 50% of all mexicans are related @Blossom? Of course, we’re all related, we’re all from Africa and all that, but as Mexico has a population of over 113 million people (according to Wikipedia), the whole population can’t really be cousins? Maybe it was a joke I didn’t understand. (I come from a country of only 5 million people, and we still don’t tend to date/marry cousins).

@Skade – He didn’t grope her. You make him sound like a predator just because he went in for a kiss and was hoping to get lucky. She stopped him, and that was it. How is that failing to “control” his sexual urges?

And again, I’m wondering why anyone expects a 16-year-old boy to be as poised and patient on a date as a grown man.

As for the cousin thing, in some places everyone in the county is everybody’s cousin. In fact, in parts of Louisiana people routinely greet each other as “cuz” because the chances are good that they are. There’s a big difference between being first cousins and being distant cousins. I don’t blame the OP for finding it off-putting, but neither do I blame the kid for not really caring.

@Jeff: That was not what I said. I was responding to comments earlier in the thread and agreed with @belie that most the guys that I know don’t pull out condoms at inappropriate times. I find it insulting to all the decent men I know that some people excuse this kind of thing with “boys will be boys” or even claiming that it is normal behavior. I did not at all say that he assaulted her. The only thing he was guilty of was stupidity and poor social skills.

I’m with Skade. When I was 16, boys definitely had better social skills. Also, at 16 you’re closer to being an adult than a child…frankly, I think I was more poised and patient in some situations than I am now.

Perhaps after all the “he whipped it out” stories, taking out a condom instead of of a penis is what Jeff considers to be subtlety.

^ erase one of those ofs