Hide And Shut Up

Many years ago, I had been seeing this guy named Charlie. Charlie was a sweetheart, athletic, and handsome and (in my oh-so-cultured 14-year-old mind) I thought he was perfect. So naturally, I got really excited when he invited me over to his house to watch movies and hang out.

Immediately we got snuggled up on his bed and watched a movie on his laptop, him with his arm around me and hugging me close every once in a while. Once the movie finished, he mentioned that he had a huge trampoline we could relax on and go stargazing, and I was wooed by the romantic proposal. We grabbed blankets, his laptop (for music), and some pillows and went outside to see the beautiful night sky.

He wrapped his arms around me as we stargazed, but he froze up when we heard a huge crashing sound. His eyes were wide in fear as a beat-up pickup truck crashed through his front gate and kind of skidded to a stop just a few feet from our romantic setup. I had no idea what was going on, but Charlie seemed freaked out and told me to “be quiet, shut up!” I could barely get a word out as he pushed me under the blanket and shushed me. I listened as the door to the car opened and shut, and a slurred voice called out to Charlie: “Hey! Chaaarlie…”

The footsteps came up right next to the trampoline and Charlie said “Hi, Ted… What’s that?” I felt a thud as something hit me in the leg and rolled around the trampoline, and judging by its weight and the clink it made, I knew it was a bottle. Charlie said “No, Ted, I’m not drinking with you tonight.” An important bit of info: I was really straightedge when I was 14 (no sex, drugs, or alcohol) so I was shocked and disgusted that my “perfect” date would drink underage.

Ted groaned a few “Come oooon, Charlie”s and started rambling about his weekend with no sign of stopping. Apparently, his girlfriend had dumped him, had sex with him, and then told him to get lost. He was an emotional roller coaster, one minute praising her and the next moaning about how slutty she was. Ted just wouldn’t shut up and I swear I started to hear him choke up about his problems. But, at the time, being trapped under a blanket was  a little more important than Ted’s sob story.

Ted grabbed my foot (it took all my power not to scream) and slurred “Who’s dat? Is that *pause* Dani? Oh hiiiii, Dani! Charrrlie, is that Dani?” Charlie froze up a little, as if flinching, and laughed nervously “No.. It’s not Dani.” Okay…we had been dating for a few months, and to my knowledge we were exclusive. Who the hell is Dani? Or Danny. Even worse.

Eventually Ted got bored and sauntered off, and when the coast was clear I threw the blanket off me and gasped for air. Charlie shrugged meekly and apologized “Sorry about my brother…he gets drunk a lot…I don’t really like his behavior and try to stay away from him when he drinks, but sometimes I have to go with it so he doesn’t get mad.” I stared at him, kind of feeling bad about being so upset, but I was too pissed to care after our date turned into a game of “hide and shut up.” I dialed my mom and left soon after.

Charlie became more and more distant, until we stopped talking altogether. Later on I discovered that Charlie gets wasted and/or high with his brother more often than he led me to believe, and looks like he’s having a great time! Thanks, Facebook.

Comments (32)
cupkateAugust 28th, 2012 at 7:04 am

wait, so who was dani?

rubyAugust 28th, 2012 at 7:07 am

Ultra-win for the pic Admins.
Come to candy mountain, Chaaarliiie!!!

C D PlayneAugust 28th, 2012 at 7:12 am

Maybe I got up on the wrong side this morning. My initial thought…this couldn’t have happened THAT MANY years ago.

Ah, the concept of time as viewed through the eyes of youth…

Sally Word MercenaryAugust 28th, 2012 at 7:14 am

I love the star gazing on the trampoline. Too bad about the rest.

Well written, though.

EmilyAugust 28th, 2012 at 7:57 am

Yeah I felt like taking the laptop outside to listen to music meant it can’t have been *that* many years ago.

ChelsAugust 28th, 2012 at 8:12 am

Well… who’s Dani/Danny!?

OPAugust 28th, 2012 at 8:19 am

OP here. Dani turned out to be his most recent ex… They had broken up shortly before we started going out and I guess he wasn’t quite over her yet (to the point that having her over was still an occurrence)

JGirlAugust 28th, 2012 at 8:33 am

The thing that bothered me was the part where it would be worse if it were a Danny rather than a Dani.

Otherwise, it sounds fairly terrible.

EllereAugust 28th, 2012 at 9:30 am

Seconding JGirl.

Nice little bump of homophobia to start my day with!

Still an awful date.

ZakAugust 28th, 2012 at 9:40 am

Yeah, we should stick to criticising guys about their heights, not their sexuality.

Drinky the Drunk GirlAugust 28th, 2012 at 10:15 am

I would feel better if it was a Danny. I can’t get mad at a dude for not being into because I don’t have some important hardware.

reviewAugust 28th, 2012 at 10:22 am

“An IMPORTANT bit of info: I was really straightedge when I was FOURTEEN”.

LOL and did/will your edge last into your 2nd week of college? DOUBT IT.
Haha too many straightedgers are just suburban kids who try to lionize listening-to-your-parents, but once they hit 21 they turn into rebellious teenagers.
No drugs, just trampolines.

PS I’m posi-core.

McDivaAugust 28th, 2012 at 10:28 am

Love love love the picture! Chaaaaarlie!

mcwigglesAugust 28th, 2012 at 11:33 am

personally i think it’d suck to realize the guy id been dating turned out to swing the other way… doesnt sound awful but definitely sounds like an awkward date.

tronnerAugust 28th, 2012 at 11:37 am

How is is homophobic if she hoped that her date wasn’t gay?

ArgyleEnigmaAugust 28th, 2012 at 11:46 am

Kinda important for your date to be into the gender you are. That’s hardly homophobia!

Sally Word MercenaryAugust 28th, 2012 at 11:57 am

Well tronner, I guess it’s homophobic to only want to suck face with a heterosexual.

Seriously folks?

Dr. CheeseAugust 28th, 2012 at 12:05 pm

In no way was her comment homophobic, dumb, but not homophobic; seriously people stop trolling the OP. I kind of feel bad for the guy in this story, sounds like his brother is brining him down with him.

maoAugust 28th, 2012 at 12:09 pm

Agree with tronner and sally.

No one has pointed out the picture reference of this post yet!?

CHAAAAARRRLIIIEEEEEEEEEE! CANDY MOUNTAIN! CANDY MOUNTAIN!

Sally Word MercenaryAugust 28th, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Put a banana in your ear!

DaniAugust 28th, 2012 at 2:21 pm

He seems like a pretty nice guy.

C D PlayneAugust 28th, 2012 at 2:23 pm

@SAlly Word Mercenary – “Put a banana in your ear!”

Whoaa!!! FOr a moment I thought this read, “put a banana in your rear”. Double entendre Tuesday.

Yeah, I got up on the wrong side this morning.

NattieAugust 28th, 2012 at 2:47 pm

While it may sound homophobic to not want to date a bisexual guy, I’m pretty sure romantic attraction is the one thing about which you don’t have to be politically correct. If it’s a turnoff, it’s a turnoff.

blondieAugust 28th, 2012 at 8:26 pm

Holy crap, I agree with review about something! That “I was straightedge when I was 14″ line cracked me up. Dude, you’re not straightedge at 14- you’re just a KID at 14.

I was also confused on the timing of this teenaged relationship… They’ve been dating exclusively for months, but she still got really excited when he invited her over to hang out once? Shouldn’t you be used to hanging out with him by now? Or, in the world of a 14 year old, does dating still just mean holding hands in the hallway? I don’t know- I’m old.

Oh, my official vote for the poll: Not homophobic. Chill out, people.

RavenAugust 29th, 2012 at 4:57 am

I second everything that Blondie posted here ^. Damn kids.

Sally Word MercenaryAugust 29th, 2012 at 6:04 am

I had a boyfriend a few years back who was bisexual. I tried to be cool about it and accept him for who he was, but the idea of him sucking dick always weirded me out.

chatAugust 29th, 2012 at 8:17 am

Ah, I love the picture! Charlie the unicorn and his f*cked up sidekicks! That was perfect for the story!!

Dr. CheeseAugust 29th, 2012 at 6:43 pm

@ Sally
I think you spelled “a homosexual” wrong.

Sally Word MercenaryAugust 30th, 2012 at 8:04 am

LOL Cheese. He really does like girls and boys…but I think his favourite thing is girls who look like boys.

I dunno. I’ve known him 12 years now and I still can’t really get my head around it.

prisAugust 30th, 2012 at 11:07 am

Hey, Dr Cheese, my boyfriend’s bisexual. It’s not the same as homosexual. Look it up.

MeshellSeptember 1st, 2012 at 8:11 am

I think we can all agree the Dani/Danny statement was superfluous and a bit troubling to those who don’t give a shit about someone’s sexuality (cause we really like not giving a shit without being reminded that people do). I dig the Charlie bit and I hope you’re enjoying your first bong rip… because straight edge is first world problems compared to the destruction of natural medicine by Big Pharma. Get behind a cause instead of triumphing your personal use of any medicines.

lameSeptember 4th, 2012 at 10:06 am

Oi, what was bad about the date? His drunk brother showed up? Not an interesting date, at all.

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