Just Not Feelin’ It

Ew I felt like I just read a cheesy erotic story. I have to go take a shower now. And numbing condoms? Whaaaa?

Me too. He was your very worst date because he wasn’t well endowed? ‘Kay.

Ha, unfortunate tale.

I think more likely it’s her VWD because of the awkward nature of the whole encounter. Duh.

Waaaaait.

He said ‘no’ and you carried on anyway?

Try switching the genders if you’re having trouble seeing the problem there.

This is from the same girl as yesterday. Her stories blow.

Yeah, I find this writer’s tone completely condescending. I felt sorry for the guy in both stories…both VWDs were because of bodily functions that the guy can’t control and is embarrassed about, and the girl has no sympathy whatsoever.

Shalamar, I think she was complaining about the fact that he didn’t seem “happy to see her”, not his endowment…but it wasn’t clearly written, I agree.

Same OP as yesterday? So her VWDs amount to men having momentary physical glitches but are otherwise decent? Tsk.

good to see I’m not the only one to find her highly annoying.
Nobody wants to read about your wanna-be “fifty shades” writing attempt

So…he had a small penis and you orally raped him.

Whose worst date is this, exactly?

I just realized I made a funny pun. Something had to be entertaining on here today. You’re welcome

ew. Tmi.

Oh come on, people- this is a great story about a truly awful moment for everybody involved. I was all about bashing this OP yesterday, but she really doesn’t have it coming today (pun intended). Her face went numb during a BJ- that’s horrible and hilarious and totally worthy of this site!!!

Also, they make numbing condoms, and people wear them on purpose?!?! Whaaat?

Yes, dudes who have premature problems will wear numbing condoms to help delay climax.

On the other hand, I’m with kinelfire on this one. He said no and she did it anyway. That’s super creepy at best.

Shalamar: His endowment wasn’t the issue. If you had continued reading, you’d find that the climax control condoms were.

Kinelfire: Nice try on the reverse rape. It sounds to me like the OP probably was being sweet and terribly naive.

I thought this was rather funny and unfortunate too. It’s “MVWD” and it doesn’t say that the other party involved in the date is always to blame. I like people who admit that they could be the problem, or in this case, the source of embarrassment.

Funny, OP! Did you drool all over yourself too? Always wondered about those rubbers. Now I know! LOL!

I’m with Blondie. This is freakin’ funny.

Lalli — You can’t successfully put a condom on a flaccid penis, can you?

Shalamar, Rattus, et al — Did you all miss that his endowment wasn’t really a problem? The numbing lubricant in those condoms caused lack of any/all sensation for the poor guy.

When this happened to me 10 years ago, it was funny then. And it’s still funny now. I wrote this long before erotic novels were best sellers, so no thanks for the comparison there. But I guess it’s not so funny when a girl writes with a “condescending tone” — but it’s OK for someone like Tucker Max to write the same way about his sexual encounters? Patriarchy much?

I have one more tomorrow for you hyper-critical, presumptuous fools.

Until then, thanks for reading.

Can we get back to real stories now? I’m all for self-promotion via entertainment, but these stories bypass entertainment and go straight to self-promotion.

Besides, my friend has a better mouth-numbing story: She and her boyfriend tried those condoms to help him last longer, but for the obvious reason, he just couldn’t climax. They decided he’d be more likely to get off if she went down on him, so she did – but her mouth went numb because they forgot to rinse him off!

See? No condescension or question of rape! And a real story because I just felt like sharing instead of plugging my blog.

Aww OP, I defended you yesterday, but you’re bashing a guy who, by your own declaration was a sweet guy, for things like his size, his hardness, and his desire to make it last longer? Sounds like a bad extenz shaming commerical.

Maybe if this was written with a contrite or amused and sympathetic tone, people wouldn’t be as put off, but the sarcasm comes off as kicking a puppy. Not cool.

I’d say that accidentally ending up with a frozen mouth during sexytime and probably not immediately understanding the reason why is a very bad date by anyone’s standards. I also thought OP made that quite clear in the story, and I think her writing style is more than decent.

I don’t like, however:
“he said politely, ‘no thank you, you don’t have to do that…really, it’s okay.’ I ignored his warnings.”
If you’re going to use words like “patriarchy,” I do expect you to be socially aware enough to know that “no means no” and that sexual assault is sexual assault regardless of the genders involved.

OP, I am not feeling your stories either. Your stories seem really forced and not that funny. I read this story to give a second chance but I will read the comments before reading your another “vwd” to save some time.

I’m with blondie this was funny. I wouldn’t dump a guy for a floppy moment but it would sill be awkward and would definitely make a bad date.

Comprehension skills, people!

When did I make fun of him for having a smaller-than-average penis? Mentioning a detail isn’t the same as mocking him for it. When did I say I dumped him after the encounter? I didn’t.

It’s not my fault that you can’t draw a fairly simple conclusion: the climax control condoms had numbing lubricant in them — it’s just how they’re made — so strong, in fact, that I was numbed by them just as much as my boyfriend at the time. He went limp BECAUSE he couldn’t feel anything (sure, maybe I didn’t turn him on, too, but I won’t take that as a personal attack). So, being that I was an inexperienced 20 year old, I thought there was a more serious problem.

The real problem was that I was overly eager to please someone who happened to have de-sensitizing lube on his dick. Joke was on me, not him.

If you’ve no interest in reading another story where I’m the embarrassed one once again, skip tomorrow’s entry and come back later.

Yep commenters still mad.

Why are we reading this person’s dates? She’s awful. I never mind when a story isn’t that great, my stories are probably not that great but this feels like an annoying, rude and condescending cousin that someone brought to the party raising her tone when you don’t find her stories awesome and funny. I can imagine the hell that she raises on her blog when someone dares to disagree with the golden opinion.

Thanks for the heads up OP. I’ll come back in a few days

I found this the best story that’s been here in ages.

WOW at the people accusing the OP of oral rape? Are you kidding me? There’s a difference between a clear no, and what this guy was obviously conveying, which was not a no.

Definitely a better story today, OP. The final paragraph was pretty hilarious.

“Thinking something was wrong, I stopped and dismounted as gracefully as an Olympic gymnast, only to find his manhood all limp.”

…yeah, that’s where I lost all sympathy for the OP. Condescending and haughty.

No means no, regardless of gender. I am shocked by how many people are laughing it off because the OP is a girl – if the OP was a man, we’d be up in arms.

Stop being fucking apologists. If I say ‘No thank you, you do not have to do this’ and a man ignores me, then it is fucking assault. No is fucking no.

@Chels, todays physical glitch I was referring to was not the size of his penis, but its temporary inability to operate. Comprehension skills indeed. Since you are the one who wrote the story, I would have assumed that your first thought would have been what you actually told us, not what you think that a stranger is implying.

@OhDeer, so, “no thank you, you don’t have to do that…really, it’s okay” doesn’t convey “no” to you? That explains all those “no means maybe”, or “her mouth said no, but her eyes said yes” dirtbags the unlucky tend to end up dating.

Exactly how many times do the commenters need to be reminded that this is “My very worst date” not “The very worst person that I dated”??? In neither story does she indicate that she would never want to date this person again because OMG they are terrible. She’s just describing the *situation* as being awkward.

I don’t think the writer expresses herself very well in the stories, leading to some confusion, but she does clarify things in the comments. And people still keep jumping on her. And she clearly states in the previous story’s comment section that it was not her idea to advertise her blog.

And people that moan about being bored need to be set on fire. If it is boring you because you’re so jaded by whipping-it-out stories, then take a break! The site owners don’t need the pointless negativity when they are spending their time providing you a service that is….wait for it….FREE!

Funny story! Embarrassing for both parties, and well told. (A cautionary tale as well. I have not heard of these things before, but will now be sure to check what type condom is being used).

No means no, regardless of gender. I am shocked by how many people are laughing it off because the OP is a girl – if the OP was a man, we’d be up in arms.

Stop being apologists. If I say ‘No thank you, you do not have to do this’ and a man ignores me, then it is assault. No is no.

Yep, this was bad. OP, if you think you didn’t orally rape this guy, you need a dictionary. He said no, you went to town anyway – sexual activity against his wishes. That’s rape. Being young, naive, inexperienced, whatever you want to call it, is not an excuse for that. Had this story been told with the genders reversed, there’d be no question.

No means no, even if it’s phrased politely.

Yay for man-rape?

Chels- Speaking of comprehension skills, I agree that it didn’t suggest anywhere that you were belittling, mocking, dumping, etc the dude in this story. I’m not sure where people are getitng this except by transposing yesterday’s rage to today.

But I DO have 1 question…
What does “I’ll just seduce him girl-on-top style with these smaller things” mean? What smaller things? I’m missing something.

If any of you ventured to my blog, you’d have read or at least surmised that I am far, far from a rape apologist. Thank you for your concern, but my conscience is clear.

I am completely certain that he knew what happened to his manhood was a direct result of these particular condoms. If anything, he was preventing me from further embarrassment, not from “raping” him.

Sidenote: Everything anyone submits here is immediately greeted by sharp internet critics and should be prepared to expect nothing less than the ridiculous comments I’ve read so far. This is exactly why the moderators of this site have disabled the comment feature and the star-ratings previously. I am disappointed in all of you — you take life far too seriously while I’m out enjoying mine, bad dates and all.

@Blondie — he had a smaller than average penis. That’s what I’m referencing there. Seems unclear with the edit. My bad.

this is great!
the comments drama i mean, not the story

Hey Chels,
When your readers criticize something you write and your response is to tell them:
1. That they’re reading it wrong
2. They have problems with their reading comprehension
3. They take life too seriously and you’re out enjoying yours.
4. They’re apparently too stupid to understand what numbing condoms do…

You don’t win over your readers. You come across as being incredibly condescending. You didn’t happen to write that awful “Save the Pearls” book, did you? Because that’s pretty much the same reaction that author had to people criticizing her book.

And perhaps you’re leaving out some really key details about this guy and the “no” he spoke before you went down on him anyway, but given that many of us battle against this idea that if a woman doesn’t fight back and doesn’t yell, she must not have meant it when she said no, you really can’t blame us for questioning that element of your story. He said no. You tell us that he said no. You don’t tell us that he changed his mind or anything like that. You give no indication that he consented. If he did, great! But you don’t include that fact in your story.

@Chels: Wait. Earlier you said you said nothing about him being smaller than average, yet just now you admitted that you talked about him being smaller than average. Which is it?

“Everything anyone submits here is immediately greeted by sharp internet critics and should be prepared to expect nothing less than the ridiculous comments I’ve read so far. This is exactly why the moderators of this site have disabled the comment feature and the star-ratings previously. I am disappointed in all of you — you take life far too seriously while I’m out enjoying mine, bad dates and all.”

Also, not true…We’re pretty good about complimenting good stories. You’d know this if you posted one.

@Juwel_Katzchen – No, she said she never made fun of him for it and that it wasn’t the problem in this case.

“If any of you ventured to my blog, …”

Nothing that you’ve written here in the last two days, either in the comments or the posts could convince me to bother visiting your blog. If you want people to visit your blog, write things worth reading and respond respectfully to their comments, if you respond at all.

@JGirl – You have to give respect to get it. Considering the drivel everyone here is talking I’d say she’s being quite respectful.

@They still mad:

My other comment is awaiting moderation, though I don’t know why, so at the risk of repeating myself, one does not win over their readers by responding to their criticisms saying:

1. That they’re reading it wrong
2. They have problems with their reading comprehension
3. They take life too seriously and you’re out enjoying yours.
4. They’re apparently too dumb to figure out what the numbing lubricant did.
5. They take things far too seriously while she is out frolicking and enjoying her life.

Let’s see if this one trips the moderation filter too.

Oops. I did a great job of messing up that comment. *sigh*

Ok, I have but two minor quibbles: Chels, just because people don’t like your tone doesn’t mean anyone is condoning Tucker Max’s use of the same tone. It’s douchebaggery either way.

And for all ye “RAPE!” criers out there – are you guys fucking serious? Look, I know, “no means no” and it doesn’t excuse rape when the perp is female, but we are getting a really bare-bones, three-paragraph story. I think it’s pretty obvious from the writing that he was saying that to be gentlemanly/avoid a discussion about the awkward benzocaine situation. And yes, in this situation, I’m certain it was abundantly clear to the OP that the dude thought he was getting some extra favor after he failed to perform (he was) and was embarrassed about it (for multiple reasons.)
PLUS don’t discount the purveying believe that women don’t enjoy blowjobs and the only reason we’d “suffer” through giving one was because we REALLY CAAARED about the guy. The truth is some dames just like sucking dick. My initial reading was that he thought she was only doing that to help him finish, as a courtesy, and so he said, “oh, don’t feel obligated…”

I’m not too concerned about your visit to my blog or whether you think I’m respectful, JGirl. What I am concerned with is that I’ve had 500+ hits with an average visit time of almost 2:20 minutes in the last day and a half based solely on two submissions to MVWD. What does that tell me? That with a combined 80+ comments plus 2 minutes of time spent on my blog (doesn’t seem like a lot, but consider that the average web user browses a page for 10 seconds before navigating away), people READ what I have to say.

I make zero money off of anyone visiting my blog. I don’t advertise. I write and participate online for me, not you.

Thank you for your comments.

@JGirl :

Have you read any of the responses here?
1. People are, in fact reading it wrong. (see #4)
2. Based on the comments from yesterday and today, they do. Protip: This story isn’t focused on his small dick as it is how the numbing lubricant derailed everything
3. …
4. *looks at people who didn’t even know such condoms existed and those who think his lack of an erection wasn’t caused by said lubricant.* So yeah…
5. Since you repeated yourself here I’ll just use this spot to say anyone getting rape overtones from this needs to take a step back and relearn how to think critically about given situations.

I did go to the blog, and once again I am left wondering what compels anyone to believe that their musings are interesting enough to be immortalized in the public forum. If I felt that I needed to write for myself, I’d keep a journal. A private journal.

Damn, double posted.

@Chels – you know, and I know that if you came across a story like that where the OP was a guy, you’d be questioning the fact that they ignored someone saying ‘No’ and went ahead and did what they wanted to do anyway, you would DEFINITELY be questioning their motives and sexual morals, and you would certainly be debating the ethics of such a situation – because if you have any sense at all, you would recognise that it is bloody wrong to ignore someone saying ‘No’ in that situation, regardless of whether you think they mean it or not.

There are a lot of men out there with clear consciences. They don’t take life seriously. They think they did ‘nothing wrong’. There are also a lot of women who feel violated as a result of their utter arrogance.

Basically, you don’t get a free pass because you happen to have a vagina.

>WOW at the people accusing the OP of oral rape? Are you kidding me? There’s a difference between a >clear no, and what this guy was obviously conveying, which was not a no.

Seriously? “He wanted it,” is now valid?

How did the OP know this story would appear today? Did she work out some kind of deal with MVWD? Why?

I went to the OP’s blog by the way. It did nothing to improve my opinion of these stupid postings. Mostly, I saw excerpts from other people’s speeches at the DNC, followed by “Oh yeaa!” from her. How informative! Yet another supposed ‘radical’ who parrots (literally) Democratic party crap. Oh, and rapes men.

poor chels

i wonder what tomorrow’s story will bring!

Wicca, you’re not telling me something I don’t already know. No need to reiterate.

Really Chels? Because it seems to me that you are intent on defending what you did…

Quote “If any of you ventured to my blog, you’d have read or at least surmised that I am far, far from a rape apologist. Thank you for your concern, but my conscience is clear.”

Quote “I am completely certain that he knew what happened to his manhood was a direct result of these particular condoms. If anything, he was preventing me from further embarrassment, not from “raping” him.”

So yes, I feel the need to reiterate. Because you clearly don’t know this.

So he’s like “you’re not making me hard” and then you are like “okay I will just blow you then” and he’s like “no don’t blow me”. Sounds like he just isn’t attracted to you or maybe has trouble getting it up (maybe he was turned off by your big vagina?).

Just for clarification though, I think the BJ goes first and then the sex.

*facepalm*

I can’t tell if people are trolling or are just really this dumb.

His erectile difficulties were caused by the condom. How hard is that to understand? He was obviously hard when the condom went on and then went limp thanks to the benzocaine. She figured she’d try to get the moment going again by giving a bj.

Just for clarification though, sex acts can happen at any time during sex. I feel bad for anyone whose sex life has to follow a preset formula.

and lol @ my other comment still awaiting moderation

Chels, you’re not respectful. Telling you’re readers that they have reading comprehension problems, that they’re reading your post wrong, etc is not respectful. It’s condescending.

@They Still Mad – His erectile difficulties aren’t the issue – neither is the size of his penis. The issue is the OP’s inability to understand what ‘No’ means.

And of course you are right – consenting adults can do whatever they feel like doing, there’s no preset formula. The emphasis is on the consent part though…

No Wicca, that is *your* issue. My comment was directed at the others who can’t comprehend the story.

But I’ll go ahead and say it. “Zero Tolerance” laws and phrases like “no means no” are a bunch of crap because people forget how to look at situations and properly judge them. Obviously Chels was able to read the situation better than any of us being that she was there. But hey feel free to get your Law & Order SVU on and track the guy down to let him know that he was raped and should press charges.

since I now have two comments awaiting moderation I’ll just say this:

No Wicca, that is *your* issue. My comment was directed at the others who can’t comprehend the story.

Fair point, well made

Ugh. Bring back the naive teenager stories. This chick is insufferable. And bragging about your blog traffic pretty much is the worst.

@Monica,
Yeah… and apparently we get *another* one of her posts tomorrow.

Ugh.

This is how My Very Worst Job ended. We got a lot of crappy stories back to back, then it went kaput. -Sigh- It’s a sign of the My Very Worst apocalypse.

I think i’ll come back tomorrow, JGirl, just to see the OP get ripped apart by commenters again. It’s better than the actual story.

@Rattus ” I am left wondering what compels anyone to believe that their musings are interesting enough to be immortalized in the public forum”

Ironic much?

I’m with the OP here. She was describing a situation that was awkward for both parties for several reasons. She is not suggesting that the guy was awful, just that the situation was, and it’s a fairly amusing story so chill out. Commenters seem to expect OPs here all to be saints who’ve never looked at a smaller than average penis and thought ‘oh it’s quite small’. OP is just being honest about her thoughts at the time. (and nowhere does she say that it was a turn off! )

And Wicca maybe stop trying to convict OP of rape. Just because you spotted the word ‘no’ in there does not mean that OP ‘raped’ him. We don’t know the exact words he spoke, but I got the impression that he felt bad about his lack of erection and didn’t want her to feel obliged to try and revive him (knowing that he wouldn’t be able to). These rape accusations are lunacy!

When half the people reading the story don’t fully get what’s being said, then there’s a problem with the way it’s told. I thought that the OP couldn’t feel anything because of his size, not because of nuclear-strength numbing condoms. Shame, as it is a potentially hilarious story.

When half the people don’t understand this very simple (albeit poorly edited) story there’s something wrong with the people reading. Own it folks your comprehension sucks.

Okay I really don’t think her continuing to go down on him constitutes rape, and I would be very shocked to find out that the dude in question felt raped or assaulted. It sounds to me like one of those awkward moments most of us had in our youth where both parties were too embarrassed to be honest with each other about exactly what was going on.