A Weighty Issue

What a prince. I hope he finds his very own fitness model. I’m sure there are scads of fitness models just dying to meet a guy like him.

Even if you aren’t “fat anymore,” you never should have tolerated this exceptionally rude guy. Great blog, great MVWD — looking forward to reading it. Good luck on your search!

Wow.
I like how he says “…before I will date you” as if it was unquestionably clear that you would date him.

Since he likes fitness models, may I suggested that he date them exclusively then. Cause I’m sure that he’s *just* the kind of guy that they’re looking for. (I’m somewhat curious as to what his body type was like.)

“Look, I can tell you have low self-esteem and I’m fine with that, I don’t mind girls with low self-esteem.” Of course you don’t- because only a girl with low self-esteem would ever put up with you. What a cuntwash.

Good for you, OP. This man was completely out of line. Looking forward to checking out your blog, too. Take care and be well!

So he wants a fitness model? I’d like to hear a description of what this goof is using for bait.

Good for her for not putting up with an idiot like that, she sounds like a great girl & deserves so much better

Great VWD, but what’s with the Blog-plugging lately?

wow, i agree with you that urg might be bi-polar. If a husband or someone I know REALLY well said that, I would’ve been fine, but someone to talk like on a date is completely out of line. I actually like that you came out of the situation in a calm and classy way. Who knows how he would’ve behaved if you threw a fit.

I recall a story of a man who nagged his girlfriend into getting a boob job. Finally, she agreed to do it under the caveat that he had to get a penis enlargement first “so we can *both* be happy”. He shut up after that.

So you started going to the gym?

Good story and the guy was a jerk but no signs of bipolar. Rude, socially unacceptable statements and a lack of sensitivity cannot be explained by a mood disorder.

OP, Your response was perfect. Sometimes when people are jerks we respond in a civilized manner, not because they deserve it, but because we are gentlepersons who do not stoop to their level. Rock on!

Very well written. Thanks or sharing. He is out there somewhere: the one, not THIS one.

I think you handled the situation as best as possible. Best thing to do if someone wants to start changing you after going out for three days.

I mean dates, not days.

I think you handled the situation maturely, and he is obviously immature (which sounds like his main problem here, not mental disease). It would have felt better then to have flipped out in that scene, but then it would have brought you to his level. So I think you handled this very nicely.

@review: I don’t think the OP meant she started working out after this date. She just had the date the night before writing this story. I think she meant that she wasn’t fat, but she used to be in the past. I mean, URG wants OP to loose 20 lbs to be within range of a fitness model build, that puts OP only SLIGHTLY overweight, if overweight at all.

Good for you OP, this guy isn’t worth even a second of your time, but I’m glad you tried to set him straight instead of just dodging his calls and leaving some of these guys no clue how badly they behaved.

This was an awesome story, well-written and definitely jaw-dropping. URG is a major douche(canoe, barge, waffle, etc.) with ridiculous standards. I see divorce in his future, as he will never be satisfied if one little thing changes with his oh-so-perfect wife (if he ever finds her).

And OP, you have a great attitude about all this, and I think your response was perfect. I admire you for not kicking him in the crotch (although he deserved it). I probably would have made some rude remark to him, stormed out (yes, with door-slamming), then spent the entire evening crying in my room. You were way better than that.

@Albie Normally we retain the copyright to stories that are written for MVWD, but sometimes great stories have already been published so we are simply giving them credit since the story appeared first on their blog.

So we are just shilling for shitty blogs now?

The bit where he asks her to see her again and her rant afterward was a bit unbelievable. Good story anyhoo.

This reads like a fictional blog push to me, unfortunately. A shame, I used to love coming here and reading the stories…

This guy is an idiot for thinking that you would react any other way and to be that presumptuous about your self esteem is beyond ridiculous. Do you think that his bad behavior contributed to your weight loss? The world can be cruel, but sometimes this can be to our benefit. When I was kid I got beat up a lot, fed up; I worked out and became insanely strong and have never been beaten up since. In high school my teachers gave me bad grades and told me I was stupid, I went on to get my Ph. D in wildlife biology. My wife told me flying was impossible, with some help from LSD I flew around our house for hours. Kidding about the last one, but without dipshits in our life we would not persevere to become the best we can be.

Vote Obama.

How fake did that rant seem.

Dude was a jackass and you certainly are not fat.

But that aside, why are religious beliefs an odd topic for discussion at the third date? You, OP, mention that you have a list of non-negotiables, so it’s not unreasonable to expect that others would as well. On my non-negotiable list are preferred pet, and religious and political beliefs (gotta be a cat-loving, left-leaning atheist – like the dude I married), so I’d like to know what’s what as soon as possible.

First off, this dude is an idiot. If you were too fat for him he presumably knew that after date #1, why go through dates 2 ,3, and 4 and then order you to lose weight? Ridiculous. He’s an arrogant clown.

That having been said, anybody who actually believes that the OP really gave the little speech she wrote in her blog, needs to spend more time in the real world observing how people behave.

If this site is going to degnerate into just promoting other sites, then what’s the point of reading it?

Also, if the WORST thing that a guy has ever said to you is that you need to lose weight, you have led a charmed existence.

@ jeff. Oh so since the guy didn’t call her a bitch, whore, slut, etc she ought to be grateful? Pffft….men. I would’ve kicked his crotch. But OP was super classy. I never know how pregnant wives put up with all those fat jokes from their own husbands. That’s just like rubbing salt into the wound. :\

@ Jeff, I agree about the speech, there is no way she said that. Its more like “in retrospect I wish I said this….”, literally like something from a movie.

@ Rattus: Progressive atheist right here, but I like ….. dogs. In my line of work I see so many feral cats destroying wildlife, its really sad. Not to say I don’t like well behaved neutered house cats.

I also think that the rant at the end sounds unnaturally constructed, but I assume it is more a summary of what she said more than an accurate word-by-word account. In these stories dialogue usually is, and trust me, it makes the stories better (I’m a conversation analysist, and so I’m used to transcribing real conversation and working with the transcriptions). I commend the OP for her dignified behavior in that situation.

Aside from the ridiculous request for her to lose weight for him, I also find the comment on her self esteem really douchefloaty. Once you’ve made a statement defining someone and how they are feeling, it is hard to contest that without coming of as defensive, thus proving the truth of the statement (“if it’s not true, then why are you so defensive?”), and if you don’t protest it might be taken as agreement. It is an extremely inappropriate way to talk to someone you hardly know. The concept of “negging” comes to mind. Maybe this was a very misguided attempt at something like that? Make her insecure and then she will be easier to manipulate? Good on you OP, for getting away from that.

am i the only one who noticed that sex and the city has six and two half seasons?

Bad date. Good story. Props to the OP.

Well, this blog plug was better than the last blog that got linked on the end of a story! Awesome story here, OP, and from the wee stalk of your blog, you’ve got many more great stories to tell

@Dr. Cheese, you are willing to argue with me and that is a point in your favour. But as I said, the cat thing is a non-negotiable. Plus the fact that we are both already married.

“I believe that someday a guy will want to have me so desperately that he would sit through The Notebook and all five seasons of Sex and the City with me. He would adore every little imperfect bit of me. He will even love me when I get pregnant and really FAT.”

Too many people have this unrealistic idea of what a perfect relationship is. If you really expect your man to live to please you, watch endless hours of sex and the city with you, and still be truly attracted to you when you get “really FAT”, be prepared to do the same for him. Are you going to watch all of his shows or play video games with him all day? If he stops taking care of himself and is fat and unkept are you going to still want to jump his bones or bitch to your friends about how lazy he is? It’s a two way street.

The guy in this story was a douche, no argument here. But in general, people in the dating world need to realize if YOU have high standards, you better be able to meet someone else’s.

For the record, admins, the blog plugging is not bugging me.

Skade, what is a Conversation Analyst?! That sounds awesome! Please tell us more.

@msmdln you and Raj in The Big Bang Theory

Hi “Everyone”, thanks to MVWD for posting my bad date and for the comments. Just to clarify, the dialogue was not word for word, but being a huge fan of romantic comedies I have an endless amount of quotes/scenes stored in my mind, and as lawyer I have to deliver speeches/closings now and then. Apologies if it seemed unreal or unnatural, it truly is just my recall of things I said, albeit not as fluently and with him interjecting. Update: I’ve not seen URG again (because he is an ass!), but I did go to the same spot last week with a very nice guy. He didn’t call me fat, I ate my whole pizza, and he paid.

“Good story and the guy was a jerk but no signs of bipolar. Rude, socially unacceptable statements and a lack of sensitivity cannot be explained by a mood disorder.”

^ Exactly. Does the OP even know what bipolar is? I see no signs of bipolar in this horrible date. (and it WAS horrible) Educate yourself OP.

You ate a whole pizza by yourself?!

Maybe it was a personal pan? Or a small thin crust?

@jewel Thank you. That is all.

@Blondie, haha! The pizza’s in SA are not that big (and yes, thin crust)

blondie: Sorry, I’m probably answering too late in this thread. Conversation analysis is basically what it sounds like. It’s a scientific research method focused mostly on different forms of occurring talk. We look at how turn-taking is organized and how different settings have different norms of talk. It is one of the methods I use in my work with analyzing text/talk/communication.

Love it!!!

i can’t imagine a better response.