The Exchange Rate

“Why do Australians wear such huge underwears?”

So, how much more than the 64 cents did it take to get your clothes off?….

Wait, he told you he wouldn’t be your FB friend so you wouldn’t find out his real age, then proceeded to tell you his real age? Or is the point that he was pretending to be 29 but was really much older?

“Because it keeps our booties warrrrm!”

Seriously, dude was a douche.

Well? Why DO Australians wear such big underwears? I’m on the edge of my seat over here!

Also, +5 points for Margaret.

Seriously, Margaret scores major points for reading comprehension. Good point!

Is Australians wearing big underwear(s) a thing?

While unlikely, it is *possible* that he asked this question without having seen the OPs underwear. Perhaps she had a bad case of the dreaded pantyline. Or something.

Or maybe they got nekkid. Who cares?

Not a vwd but just a bit awkward.

Hear, Margaret!

Do all Brazilians wear small underwears, like thongs/g-strings? Is there any Brazilian reader who might wish to enlighten us?

I like how he didn’t think that paying for the first meal entitled him to sexytime, but that cooking you ramen did.

Is there a difference between Australian ramen and the ten-cent crap that comes in brick form with powder flavoring in American grocery stores? Why did Mr. Brazil think this would be an impressive move?

@NG

I’m a Brazilian and I do not use thongs or g-strings. Sério.

it was brazilian ramen! eXXXtra spicy!

Once I was in his apartment, 7th floor, I was kind of scared that he could have hurt me if I steadfastly refused to sex. So fear for my safety did lead me to go with it the fourth or fifth time he decided to ignore my gentle refusals (especially after his roommates left for work).

It was like that ‘implication’ scene out of Always Sunny in Philadelphia except I am disturbed by it. So yeah go on and make light of that.

He had told me he was 26, and then told me he was 29 when I asked him flat out.

I don’t exactly wear g-strings but I also don’t wear Nanna Knickers either! Just your average full butt coverage with no tummy sucking function. Most people here wouldn’t call them huge.

What?

OP- I think you left out the VW part of this date first time around- the bit where you were coerced into sex because you were afraid for your safety? That seems to me to be the monumentally worst part. YMMV.

Sex in exchange of noodles? what the! LOL!

Um, yeah, having sex with someone because you fear for your safety is far worse than ramen on a date. I`m so sorry that happened to you.

Wait. It seems to me that no sex happened on this date, which is the OP’s VWD. But she did the get vibe on this date that he’d rape her if she didn’t sleep with him. So she went out with him several more times, and went back to his place with him more times, and then slept with him to avoid violence. Something is wrong with that.

So let me get this straight – You were afraid he might physically hurt you, so you let him pressure you into having sex even though you didn’t want to – and then you saw him “a few more times” AFTER that? I have to ask, are you a masochist?

Jeff, that was also my question. However, the OP admitted that she was naive and inexperienced, and the guy was “perfectly lovely and charming.” May be that’s the reason….

Sometimes you don’t realise how fucked up the situation was until you have a bit of perspective.

Isn’t there a word for having sex because you suggest you might hurt the person if they refuse? Isn’t that illegal?

And if you thought that might happen once the roommates left, why not leave with them? They’re probably not going to go along with it if this guy gets physical to keep you from leaving?

Then you see the rapist again?

Hey guys, did you know that victim blaming and/or shaming is a huge contributing factor to the high number of rapes that DON’T get reported? With attitudes like the ones all over this message board, I’m surprised no one’s said it already.

@Liz – Hey Liz, did you know that it’s not rape if you have consensual sex with someone – even if they talk you into it? So criticizing the OP here is not blaming or shaming a rape victim. On the contrary, you’re trivializing the very real rapes that happen all too often. It’s attitudes like yours that contribute to society not taking rape nearly as seriously as it should.

So many presumptuous comments going on here…

Took you long enough to figure out that guy was a total doucher, OP. Thanks for sharing!

Ugh. Boring. If I wanted philosophical debates about sexual ethics, I’d go back to university.

Being talked into/coerced into sex is not consensual sex, but thanks for your time Jeff.

I wasn’t even going to read the comments because this story was so boring, and then, BOOM, comment magic.

@Liz – Being talked into sex is no being coerced into sex. Otherwise half of all sex would be rape. You remind me of the universities in the late 90s that tried to make their students adhere to “dating codes”, where one person had to specifically ask for formal permission for every incremental behavior such as a kiss, feeling up, oral sex, or else be possibly disciplined by the school for sexual assault. Basically, the male students were too terrified to do anything after that and the female students – the ones the codes were meant to protect – asked for the codes to be repealed because they couldn’t get any action.

Speak for yourself Jeff, there’s a lot of people who would disagree with you on coercion. I’m just glad that we’re never going to get it on.

@Liz – Don’t worry, with your mindset you’re not going to be getting it on with anyone anytime soon. I have slept with women who were actually raped in the past who have a healthier attitude toward sex than you do.

@Jeff. It wasn’t just being “talked into” sex. OP said she feared for her safety, and that’s why she did it. That’s actually coercion. Legally, in a lot of places, “consensual” sex, done because you feel threatened, can still constitute rape.

@Jeff – doing something out of fear of physical reprisal is not the same as ‘being talked into it’. Talking someone into something means to persuade them to do it; agreeing to do something because you genuinely believe it will be forced upon you if you don’t is not making a reasonable decision of your own free will. It’s not the same as rape, but it’s still wrong and shouldn’t be made light of. It’s not a black-and-white situation of ‘it’s either outright violent rape or nothing went wrong’.

And if you think that people who believe that coerced sex is wrong won’t be ‘getting it on’ soon, I should tell you that I regularly have one-night stands with people I meet on nights out but I always act in an non-threatening way and only do it at their house after having been invited in, never asking for entrance myself (if they don’t invite me in after I walk them home, I will simply wish them a genuinely good night and make sure they get home safe). If you only ‘get it on’ after having to talk people into it, perhaps you should reconsider your modus operandi. I am vehemently opposed to the idea of anyone having sex when they are not absolutely doing it of their own free will and desire.

Yes, the OP now in hindsight says she feared for her safety, which is probably her way of rationalizing her behavior. Sorry, but if she was that scared for her safety she might have consented to sex, but no way would she have then proceeded to go out with her “rapist” again multiple times after that, as it’s not like she was in love with him. As Judy Sheindlin likes to say, it doesn’t make sense, and it if doesn’t make sense, it’s probably not true.

@TS – I have never had any need to try to talk someone into having sex. I’m patient enough to wait until a woman makes her physical desire crystal clear. That having been said, men have been talking women into having sex since the dawn of time. I agree with you that the implied threat of force is coercion, though.

Jeff you know nothing of my sexual history, and it’s clear from your comments (and personal attacks because I disagree with you on coercion and manipulation) that there are things about this entire post/situation that you are failing to comprehend.
A big red flag for you. HUGE.

Melbourne MVWD reader reporting! Very early on in all my relationships they all cooked two minute noodles as well and made a big fuss about how I scored a ‘keeper’ that would cook for me :/ must be something in the air that reacts to the males brains in Melbourne… never happened when I lived overseas!

Why don’t you all calm down for a while?

Who said that there is only black and white – “consensual” and “non-consensual” sex and nothing in between? Aw, wouldn’t that be just sooooo complicated to judge?

OP, I’m not unsympathetic, but that is why you don’t go to a strange man’s home.