When I had a dream job at the telescope on top of Haleakala, Maui, Hawaii, a local interior designer invited me through match.com to a nearby French Restaurant. While eating, she signaled what she wanted by turning a bra-strap readjustment into extended public rubbing of her chest. But I just kept talking, trying to ignore her display. When I looked at her, she stopped moving her hand, but left it under her blouse on her chest. We ended the date with an exchange of business cards — I gave her two after asking her to not show anyone the “funny” one – I said it might not be professional.
We talked the next day. I suppose it wasn’t a good move to tell her “let’s be friends” since I thought I had found a better match (a schoolteacher), but she didn’t have to send me an email listing every complaint she could pin on me from only one lunch date. Her theme was that I had not given her enough attention. “You weren’t inquisitive enough,” she whined. I tried to calm her by replying I hadn’t felt well. I was an astronomer who had been up too much at night. Besides, her hand display was distracting me. She emailed back that not feeling well was no excuse for not giving her more attention. “You didn’t even Google me!”
Didn’t “Google” her? This was too much! I told her straight out I was enjoying the hand display. No problem with it. It showed she was healthy, but it distracted me. I said she had gone too long without a partner.
So the very next morning the boss called me and told me he was terminating me because of some Google email forwarded by a completely unaffiliated party! The supposed “good news” was he would be giving me $4000 of therapy. He called my Gmail “inappropriate behavior” – I suppose for saying the display was a turn on. The irony is that, up until this point, this boss had been all about defending the privacy of Gmail, yet this was all Google and match.com email.
Seeing I was vulnerable, my date had faxed the “bad” business card to my boss. In her email to him, she whined I didn’t ask about her accomplishments and achievements: “He didn’t treat me like a human being!” She actually told someone’s boss, “to my dismay, my new blouse was too large and shifting.”
I had to move from Maui. Such vengeance from an unaffiliated drama queen had better be the most damaging date ever. This is all in my Gmail!
I lost my career in astronomy, but the date and the boss were so funny I have taken up stand up comedy.