What’s In A Name?

This is more a story of a mediocre date, but the worst peri-date experience I’ve had.

I’d been having a bit of a dry spell in college when a friend of mine gave one of his friends (whom I’d met a couple times) my number. I was somewhat annoyed because the guy wasn’t really my type. He was sort of goofy looking, with a bushel of curly hair that needed a trim. He said he was Ben Affleck’s cousin (and that his last name was Affleck).

We agreed to meet for coffee. On the assigned date, I showed up for coffee and waited 15 minutes, but he didn’t show. I called to find out where he was, but he didn’t answer, so I bailed; 15 minutes is my limit. A couple days later he called, apologized for standing me up, and had the balls to say, “So give me a call if you want to hang out sometime.” I told him, “Whatever, dude, you’re the one who stood me up,” and wrote him off.

He called a week or two later wanting to go for a drink, and for some reason (I think it was because I was high on hydrocodone after spraining my ankle very badly) I agreed, but told him I couldn’t drink much because I was on medication (yeah, it was the hydros). We proceeded to have one of the most boring conversations of all time, and all I remember of the rest of the date was that it was boring and that I did NOT go out again with “Mr. Affleck.”

Later I found out from a guy I knew who went to high school with him that his last name wasn’t Affleck at all, and that the whole Ben Affleck thing was some weird affectation (I HATE liars).

Comments (19)
AudaxSeptember 27th, 2012 at 9:41 am

…and then this duck comes up and starts rapping with some pigeons…

SashathebritSeptember 27th, 2012 at 10:10 am

MAJOR MEDICAL BOYYYYY

LalliSeptember 27th, 2012 at 10:11 am

So not the most fascinating story ever, but the Ben Affleck thing is decidedly odd.

NattieSeptember 27th, 2012 at 11:00 am

I went to high school with a boy like this – “he knew/was related” to a lot of celebrities. He was also a musician himself, producing “original” songs that could be easily found on myspace (written by someone else.)
The odd part is, I think he believed his lies himself.

maoSeptember 27th, 2012 at 12:29 pm

@Audax, Sashathebrit, are anyone else weirded out by that commercial, when the mamma bird fed a singing worm to her chicks, and then they all gathered around a worm doing the “worm” at the end?

JaySeptember 27th, 2012 at 2:07 pm

So I went out and had a really boring date.

Huh.

There should be a blog dedicated to nothing but this date.

JeffSeptember 27th, 2012 at 3:19 pm

Wait…you mean guys lie to women to get them to go out with them? You’ve shattered my worldview.

The mods must really be scraping the bottom of the submission barrel at this point. (And yes, I submitted my VWD quite a while ago and it was posted here.)

RattusSeptember 27th, 2012 at 4:08 pm

Is it ironic that one of the most boring conversations of all time produced one of the most boring MVWDs of all time? I am, much like Alannis, ofttimes a little confused as to what actually comprises irony.

PuzzledSeptember 27th, 2012 at 7:56 pm

Why is there a duck?

belieSeptember 27th, 2012 at 8:07 pm

You’re right; this was mediocre. Well at least you warned us at the beginning!

belieSeptember 27th, 2012 at 8:09 pm

@ puzzled oh yeah, and don’t you know the Aflac duck? I suppose they threw that in there to make it seem funny. :\

prisSeptember 27th, 2012 at 11:24 pm

@ belie – I don’t know the duck either. What is an Aflac duck?

DaniSeptember 28th, 2012 at 7:35 am

Why would anyone be impressed by a relation to a celebrity?

HiptobesquareSeptember 28th, 2012 at 7:51 am

Does anyone like liars?

AudaxSeptember 28th, 2012 at 12:43 pm

@ pris: it’s a weird commercial where the duck pictured above has the voice of Gilbert Godfrey, but all he says is “Aflac!” (rhymes with quack…I guess…), and the commercials are of two people, often injured or in a dire situation, discussing personal insurance (like THAT’S normal) and the duck intercedes, trying to get the “gee, I do need insurance golly gee willikers but I just don’t know where to turn!” and the duck for 30 to 45 seconds of anthropomorphic humorous situations sporadically screams “alfac….Aflac!…. AFLACK !!” in response to a litany of the dope’s rhetorical questions.

It’s funny for 30 seconds.

AudaxSeptember 28th, 2012 at 12:45 pm

sorry, I edited myself. The duck is trying to show the dope the way to aflac insurance. It’s never successful and often frustrated.

BillySeptember 28th, 2012 at 6:06 pm

Haha this story reminds me of a date I went on with a girl that wasn’t related to Pamela Anderson

JeffSeptember 29th, 2012 at 10:14 am

@Audax – Gilbert Gottfried. He’s not English :)

Sally Word MercenaryOctober 2nd, 2012 at 8:30 am

Rattus…it’s like raaaaaaaaaain on your wedding day…

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