I had been dating a guy for maybe a couple of months when we went on this date. We were still very young. One evening he called me up asking me if I knew his two friends. One I will name Matt, the other Sue. I happened to know Matt. He often made fun of me when we attended the same school. I told my boyfriend so and said I did not like him. Just so happens I was on speaker phone and Matt and Sue were there! Great. After that awkwardness, my boyfriend told me the three of them were going to see a movie, and asked if I wanted to go along with them. I agreed – I wanted very much to see him, since I didn’t get to very often.

So they rolled up to my house eventually and I got in the car. Someone’s parents were driving (as I said, fairly young still). I was surrounded by a bunch of people I didn’t really know and not exactly feeling confident about it. As we rolled along to the mall for the movie, a small child popped up out of the seat behind my boyfriend and I, trying to frighten me. Apparently, they were a younger sister of Matt or Sue. Everyone laughed and stared at me with smiles on their faces like it was supposed to be funny or something. I was less than amused since I was already feeling out of place. That didn’t help.

Then we reached the movie theater and got in line to buy tickets…at least, I did. My boyfriend informed me that he didn’t have money to pay for the movie, but they had connections so he was going to get in anyway. After some shady dealing at a water fountain and “secretive” hand brushing with their “connection,” we got into the movie without a problem. Well, without being caught anyway.

We were then sitting in the theater, watching the movie. The boyfriend decided it was time to kiss, and apparently pretty aggressively because I was being sunk into my seat in an awkward position. His friends moved a couple of seats away. Awkward. And on top of that, my boyfriend was hardly able to keep his eyes open because he was so tired.

It was all dreadfully awkward and even if I didn’t see how terrible it was when it was happening, I definitely see it now.

I had a couple more pretty bad dates with the kid, but eventually we broke up and I met an amazing boy that has been in my possession for a good couple of years.

One summer I was at grad school; my roommate and I were poor so we didn’t have a television or a car. All we could afford to eat was spaghetti.

I got asked out to a guy’s place for dinner.  It seemed like a casual thing, so I asked if my roommate could come too.  He seemed pretty happy to have two girls at his apartment and proudly made us a big old pot of spaghetti.

A few weeks later, my roommate got asked over to another guy’s place; she returned the favor by inviting me along.  This guy made an afternoon of entertaining us.  First, he showed us his album of photos of himself playing the tuba – he was a performance major.  His sister kept yelling at him from the living room where she was laid up with a broken foot.  As a dutiful brother he kept bringing her things, even though her voice sounded exactly like Fran Dreschers’ from The Nanny.  Every time we went into the living room, her little dog would get all excited and start peeing everywhere.  Finally, after what felt like an endless amount of hours spent looking at tuba photos and wiping up dog pee, he made us dinner – which, of course, was spaghetti.

My Very Worst Date happened my sophomore year of high school. I had pushed the memory so far into the back of my mind that I forgot about it all these years until reading enough stories on this site for the pain and humiliation to all come flooding back.

I was in a long term relationship with my boyfriend-at-the-time M, who I had known for about 3 years (and dated 2 years), and he was riding buses all the way from California to come see me in Texas. It seemed almost perfect and unreal, as I thought we’d never see each other again. He was coming down for a few days on his two week Christmas break, and was going to stay at my house. Now, if you’re wondering how my mother felt about a 17-going-on-18 year old boy staying with her barely-turned 15 year old daughter, well she was DELIGHTED. My mom, being a heavy drinker and party go-er at the time, seemed more excited than I was, and was willing to take us out to a fancy dinner, and pay for our food (because he spent all his money on his bus tickets). I thought this was some kind of Christmas miracle. I wasn’t more wrong about something in my entire life.

The first night he came over my mom delayed our plans to day 2 because she was at some club somewhere too smashed to drive us anywhere, and wasn’t coming home. We were a bit nervous, seeing as he only had 3 days including the day he came and the day he would leave which was to be in the mid afternoon. So we stayed home, messed around, and had fun, and couldn’t wait for the next day.

The next night my mom called and told us to dress nicely as we were about to leave to dinner. I wore a tight, thinly-clothed dress shirt, with some skinny jeans (I didn’t have anything nicer), while he wore a Devil Wears Prada shirt with some baggy jeans (he didn’t bring anything nicer), but I really didn’t care how he dressed, and thought nothing of it. About 4 hours late, my mom arrived, and we were soon driven out of the city, and into the middle of nowhere at about 9 o’clock at night. We had been driving for about 45 minutes and already I was sweating in anticipation for what mysterious, horrible night could come of this. I was not prepared for what was to be my very worst date with my very best boyfriend.

We finally arrived at what looked to be an abandoned shack in the middle of an abandoned parking lot in the middle of nowhere. Loud music was playing from inside and there were drunk people waddling in and out of the bar. Before I could even ask or beg my mom to drive us back, she turned to us and smiled “Here we are! I know all of the bartenders here, and since no cops know about this place, you two can get wasted all you like! Just remember, if you want to get busy though, you’ll have to come ask me for my car keys ‘cause I don’t want no one watchin’ ya’ll inside.” I was amazed, and astounded by those words alone. She then proceeded to warn us about talking to the people inside because most of them were ex convicts, registered sex offenders, junkies, or drug dealers. M and I were drug and alcohol free, abstinent teens trapped in the middle of nowhere with a bar full of psychos- and my mom. Could it have possibly gotten any worse?

It was about 10 o’clock at night, and the weather outside was in the low twenties. We didn’t have our jackets, and we were too afraid to go inside the bar. The only light outside was a light hanging above the door that only lighted a small circle on the pavement where we sat, being startled by anyone coming in or out. I was crying and I’m pretty sure he was too, but it was hard to tell seeing as our tears froze to our cheeks. We decided freezing to death huddled under a light bulb wasn’t how we wanted it to end, so around 12 in morning we decided to take our equally dangerous chances inside.

The temperature change was enough to instantly kill someone or put them in shock. From below twenty and rapidly decreasing weather outside, we walked into an oven fueled by cigarette smoke alone. It was probably about 85-90 degrees in that shithole of a bar. To make matters worse, we found out why the music was so, so awful. It was karaoke night! We made our way to a secluded corner, and sat on some old, rickety bar stools. We tried to talk, but we couldn’t even understand what we were saying much less see each other through all the smoke. Never having smoked before, we were both coughing our lungs out, all while trying to push off drunk people who thought we were so “hip” and “young looking”.

After being hit on, and almost dragged into a few drunken fights, my mom swayed over, and can you believe it, her already slutty tank top’s straps had been cut off and her shirt was pulled over her stomach only covering her boobs which didn’t hide much because her bra was missing (did I mention my mom is like over 300 pounds?). She told us how happy she was we came inside to hear her sing next (my heart plummeted even lower) and she ran onto the stage and sang. When I say she sang I really mean she screamed, literally screamed, the lyrics to Santeria by Sublime. I give her credit for remembering the lyrics, but even M cracked a smile at her dreaded performance. We decided to take our chances outside. Again. Because she was that bad, and I was about to strangle myself just to get out of this nightmare quicker.

It was about 2 am, and I prayed that if God had mercy on our souls, he would send someone down to rescue us. M knew I was humiliated, and tried to cheer me up by showing me some of the cool, underground music he listened to in CA. After a few songs, my body had become completely numb, and the cold was no longer a problem to the both of us. Just as I began to drift off leaning on his shoulder we were both shoved face first into the pavement- breaking his brand new video ipod and headphones completely. What happened? Two drunk bitches who had both been proposed too (I wonder who the lucky guys were) had been too drunk to walk and had fallen over us. An apology? Even a “F*** you” would have been great. No.. for the next hour and a half, these two women went on and told us their fabulous stories of their fiancées and how they cheat on them every so often and how one of them had just had sex with some junkie in the bathroom. When their rides FINALLY came, one of them wanted to show M their ring one last time – and punched him right in the nose by accident. They were helped by some guys who laughed at us and mocked us. I held M’s shattered-screened ipod, and he wiped his bloody nose on his shirt (which I later found out was also new). We went back inside.

We sat in misery in the corner again. No one even asked him why he had blood all over his face and shirt, or why I was sitting their shaking like a mad person. Finally, after sitting around for 2 hours (yes, it was past 5 IN THE FREAKING MORNING) I found my mom, and this is where my real story starts. She could barely stand and had been using the crowd of people as means of standing up. She FELL onto my boyfriend’s lap. She was able to drag herself up, and I cannot describe to you the horror on his face nor mine when she started KISSING HIS NECK. He shoved her away, but (did I mention she was like over 300 pounds?) she was too big for him and just kept pushing on. As soon as I grabbed her she stood up and lifted her shirt exposing her boobs. She leaned on him again and asked him if he’d like to take a visit to the restroom with her. I screamed at the top of my lungs, which startled her and caused her to fall backwards. Me and M got the hell out of there!!

Back outside I was raving and ranting about how pissed I was, and how she was my own mother and hit on my boyfriend and what-not. M actually thought it was kind of funny, and still tried to cheer me up. We did manage to have a little bit of fun by kicking an empty Gatorade bottle back and forth until I accidentally kicked it on top of the roof.

Finally, at about 6:30 am my mom was all partied out. As we swerved back home she gloated the whole way how happy she was I was being fucked (yes she really did say that) by such a nice, cute guy. When we got back she told us how she almost scored with a hot guy until some bitch came and screamed at her and ruined it. I’m pretty sure she was unknowingly talking about us.

The next day, she had no memory of what happened and didn’t believe a word we told her, and laughed it off as some prank. Me and M dated for a whole year after that until long distance became too stressful, and we separated. We’ve joked around about it since then (up until I forgot about it) and now he’s back in Texas and we are the best of friends. Oh, and he’s  gay now.

I met R while on a tubing trip. I also found out I had class with his brother, who I was actually friends with. I flirted with R and he flirted back, then we exchanged numbers. About a week later, he called me and said he wanted to hang out. We lived an hour apart, and I was flattered that he wanted to come to my town so I didn’t have to drive a long distance.

I thought he was going to be such a chivalrous date. His brother even told me that he was a great guy.

So, R arrived at my apartment early and I told him to make himself a drink while I finished getting ready. Fifteen minutes later I came down the stairs and he was drunk off his ass. I was flabbergasted that he’d gotten drunk so quickly – then I realized he drank half of my bottle of rum. He then told me it was because I took so long and he got bored. I made him some food and waited for him to sober up. I called his brother and asked him “what the hell is up with your brother?” and he apologized and told me to give him a second chance. I told him to pick R up.

Two weeks of R and his brother apologizing to me and telling me it wouldn’t happen again, I accepted another date on the terms that R would not drink any hard liquor. My friend was throwing a toga party at a local bar, and R said he’d like to go with me. He showed up, with two of his friends (I’ll call them A and S). I was a little annoyed with this, but one of his friends, A, was a mutual friend. He told me he would make sure R didn’t drink any liquor and he offered to be the DD.

Well, we got to the party, and everything seemed fine at first. Suddenly R and S started getting all goofy and slurring their words, even though they had only had one beer each. I asked A what was going on and he said he wasn’t sure. I walked away to go chat with some friends and when I came back R and S were passed out at the table. I was embarrassed and pissed. I tried to wake both of them, but neither woke. After twenty minutes they started coming to. I was getting worried that something was wrong, but when S woke up, he told me that they’d had a “medley of pills” prior to coming over.

I had had enough and asked A to drive me back to my place. We had gotten the two pill-popping idiots into the car, when suddenly R declared he was starving. At this point, due to taking a few shots back-to-back to ease my frustration, I needed some food myself. I asked A if the two idiots would be ok in a restaurant. He said they usually behave well. For some reason- I like to think it was because I was buzzed- I said “okay.”  Then R started yelling that he wanted Krystal Burger. I told him gently that we don’t have one, but I was willing to be seen with them at the local Waffle House.

We went to Waffle House, which consisted of R demanding chicken wings, then ordering some sandwich, and when he got the sandwich asking where his chicken wings were. I started to find this rather comical, especially since S fell asleep while eating- he had his sandwich in his mouth, asleep.

After this adventure, they dropped me off, but A and R needed to go potty. I let them in, and after R went to the restroom, he pushed the door open. It hit my wall, and I noticed the toilet seat was still up. I asked R to please put the seat down. He looked at me with these stupid, glazed over eyes, and said, “I don’t do anything for anyone!” I tried to keep my cool and said “Out of respect for me and my home, please put the seat down,” and he actually screamed “I DON’T RESPECT ANYONE!!!”  I just looked at A, and he took the cue to grab R out of my apartment.

The next day I get a text from R: “Did I seriously screw up?”
My response: ”Yep”
R: “Yeah, A said there was no way I could redeem myself.”
Me: “Nope. Do yourself a favor- lose my number and get some help.”

I eventually found out his brother was a pill popper and seller, as well. Must run in the family.

My very worst date was actually with my dad’s girlfriend’s son. I had originally said no, but they wore me down and I agreed. We decided to go to see a movie. As we arrived at the mall he began to grab my hand in an attempt to hold it only to let go a few seconds later as if embarrassed by me. I may not be the prettiest girl, but I am by no means ugly. He, however, was a short overweight man with too long black hair and small feminine sweaty hands (as I would later discover). He spent most of the time in the mall insulting me and my lisp. After we arrived at the theatre and took our seats I figured things would settle down and I would be able to enjoy the movie I had been looking forward to seeing for months. I was so very wrong.

Twenty minutes into the movie he had proceeded to shove his tongue down my throat and was attempting to unhook my bra with his small sweaty hand. I could literally feel the warm sweat crawling down my skin. After failing to unhook my bra he then proceeded to shove his hands down my pants even after I repeatedly asked him to stop. He then began to shake and leer at me (I later realised that he was getting off whereas I was getting freaked out). Unfortunately, as my father had dropped me off I was unable to run away and was forced to punch him in the face twice in the cinema.

As you can imagine the car drive home was pretty awkward even more so when we arrived and he attempted to once again maul my mouth with his now foul smelling breath. Even after our extremely awkward date he still attempted to contact me and repeatedly asked me to send him nude pictures of myself. Obviously I did not.

My friend convinced me that I should use a phone chat to meet a guy. I like to talk to people, so I tried it. I met D. D was a very nice, shy guy. We spoke for hours on the phone and we could talk about anything. He liked that I was a girl that liked wrestling as much as he did.

About two weeks later, we decided to meet. I had him come to my neighborhood. He walked out of the train and I was instantly turned off. I found an excuse to end the meet up quickly. I felt bad afterward because D was a really nice guy. I continued to talk to him and tried to put my shallowness behind me. I went to D’s house a few times. We didn’t do anything, just watched wrestling and played games.

D lived with his mother, his sister, her husband and his young nephew. Every time I went over there, the whole family was there. It was kind of awkward, but D and I had fun together. One day D told me that he thought his brother-in-law, K, had a crush on me. I never paid any attention to K, so I thought nothing of it.

A few days later, I g0t a call from D’s number and it was K. He told me that D didn’t deserve me and that I could do better. I decided not to tell D about the call. A few days later, I went back to D’s house. We planned on going out to dinner that night.

Before we left, he went to store for his mother. I was sitting on the couch waiting for D to come back when K sat down next to me. After some small talk, he started rubbing on my leg and then kissing me on my neck. Before I could get out of the way, his wife came into the living room and saw her husband pushing up on me and me pushing his face away.

D came home to her cursing her husband out and me standing there like an idiot. I told D I was leaving and couldn’t come back. Both D and K called me after this debacle. I told D that I couldn’t see him anymore till he moved out and we both knew that wasn’t happening.

K called me a few weeks later and his wife picked up during the call. It was funny hearing him get cursed out again. To my knowledge, they all still live together.

I had been dating this guy for about a month when I moved about two hours away (plans that I had made months before I had started dating him). He called and told me that he would like to come visit me during New Year’s weekend and I was extremely excited. This guy was a bodybuilder, charming, educated, everything that I wanted, plus he seemed really into me. Of course, as fate would have it, I came down with the worst flu of my life the day before he was going to be driving up. I called and let him know that I wasn’t going to be much fun during our romantic weekend. He said that it was fine, he just wanted to see my pretty face and take care of me.

Completely moved by this, I went outside to greet him when he called to ask where to park. I was wearing pajamas, slippers, and a sweater, not really thinking much of it since he knew my condition. He gets out of his car, looks me up and down, and with a snobby look on his face he asks, “That’s what you’re wearing?” Confused I said, “Um, yep, why?” He then says that his cousin was expecting us at their restaurant for this big black tie New Year’s Eve party they were throwing. I told him I had no idea what he was talking about and he said, “Oh, it was kind of a surprise but I figured you’d be dressed up since its New Years Eve.”

I was annoyed, but I told him, “Okay, but I’m really sick, so I don’t really want to stay out late if that’s okay.” He sighed and leaned on his car, apparently waiting for me to hurry up and get dressed. I came out in a dress and some flats with a sweater, he looks at my shoes and says, “So, do you not like heels? Most girls I date wear heels.” I reminded him once again that I was EXTREMELY sick and I didn’t feel like dealing with uncomfortable heels.

We get to the restaurant and we’re seated at a table with his aunt and a bunch of their ritzy friends. Tons of food is placed in front of us and just looking at it made me want to vomit. I tried to be polite and I whispered to his cousin, “This all looks really great, but I’m afraid I have a really bad flu and I haven’t been able to keep anything down.” She then announces to the room that I wouldn’t be eating because I was sick, all the while literally rolling her eyes.

My date ignores me the whole night except for a few leg gropes, and then an older lady insists we stay in her guest room because it was closer than my apartment. I, of course, decline this strange offer from a complete stranger (especially since neither of us had been drinking). My date throws a small hissy fit insisting we stay with this lady (who he had just met as well). I grabbed all the courage I could and I said, “I’m really sorry, but would much rather be in my own bed right now.” Luckily the lady understood, but my date still pouted the rest of the way home.

He even went as far as to say, “My aunt was really pissed off that you didn’t eat anything, I dont know why you were so rude.” I ignored the comment, being as I was doubled over in pain and nausea.  Obviously we are no longer dating. I had to learn that a pretty face and rockin’ bod is not enough to make up for a shitty personality.

This happened just after I graduated from college and moved back to my hometown.  I was attending the same church I grew up in and since I was an adult now, I didn’t think much of it when Jeff approached me and told me that he was in charge of coordinating the activities for the single adults. He was about 20 years older than me and divorced, with a young daughter who I knew because I had previously taught her Sunday School class. He said he wanted to get to know me better as part of his official church responsibility and asked if it would be okay to call me sometime, just to chat. It seemed harmless and not out of the ordinary so I agreed.

Later that week, he called to tell me that he’d been out fishing and asked if I would like to come over and try the salmon he’d caught. He explained that he was currently living with his parents (who I’d known since I was a teenager) because the divorce had wiped him out financially and a work-related injury had left him partially disabled. It sounded like a friendly getting-to-know-you dinner, and in my mind no way a date, especially since he assured me his parents would be dining with us. The morning of our “date,” Jeff’s mother called me at work. She explained that while they had planned to spend the evening with us, she and her husband would have to leave right after dinner. She was concerned that I would be uncomfortable and it would be inappropriate for Jeff and me to be alone together in their house after they left. I didn’t really know what to think but assured her that I’d be fine.

That night during dinner, Jeff’s divorce lawyer called and he spent the entire time out on the patio screaming and ranting into the phone about his ex-wife. I was forced to make awkward small talk with his parents while we all tried to ignore the high drama that was going on just on the other side of the sliding glass door. When he finished, we barely had time to bolt down dinner before his parents announced that they needed to leave for their square dancing club. They asked what we had planned for the rest of the evening and gently but unmistakably indicated that they did not approve of us being at the house alone together. I thanked them for dinner and told them I hadn’t planned on staying after they left. Jeff looked crushed and said, “Well, I’m sorry we never really got to talk because I was on the phone all night. Maybe we could go shopping or see a movie or something?” He had a point there, and I agreed since I was still operating under that assumption that he was a nice guy who was just trying to help me fit in with the other single adults from church. He went to the back room to change his shirt while I said goodbye to his mom and dad.

Immediately after his parents pulled out of the driveway, I turned to find him standing very, very close to me. In surprise, I took a step back and almost tripped over the end table. He caught my arm and then pulled me close and laid a big slobbery kiss on my mouth. My inexperienced mind was racing, “What’s going on?  Did I do something to make him think I was interested romantically?  He’s old enough to be my dad!  What will his parents think?!” When he released me, I stammered, “Uhhh… I’m…. uncomfortable with this… because… I don’t know you very well.” He replied in a throaty whisper, “Well  sweetheart, that’s what tonight is all about… you and me… getting to know each other…” He kissed me again, more passionately. Since I didn’t know what else to do, and couldn’t be sure how exactly he wanted to get to know each other, following his parent’s suggestion to leave the house seemed like a very good idea

He seemed disappointed but agreed and asked if I wouldn’t mind driving because of the heavy medication he was on due to his injury. We ended up walking around Kmart (the only store in our small town that was still open) for an hour where he promised to build me a bookshelf so I wouldn’t have to buy one. Luckily, when we arrived back at his parent’s house they were home and I was spared the awkwardness of him inviting me into an empty house.  I shook his hand goodnight, dropped him off, and left him standing forlornly in the middle of the driveway. I think the medication he was on might have affected his judgment that night because he seemed embarrassed and avoided me at church after that. We never really spoke again.

I met MVWD at our local pub the very night I’d broken up with my long-termish boyfriend, so I was feeling a little low and gave him my number, though I would normally never do that. He kept calling me every few days asking me out, and after a couple of weeks I finally agreed.  We arranged to go out for dinner and he offered to pick me up at my house where I lived with my mother (I was 18 and still at high school).

He arrived at the prescribed time, and after he made some small talk with my Mum we walked outside to a car where his mother was waiting behind the steering wheel. I was shocked as he was a few years older than me and I’d just assumed that he had a driving license and his own car. I looked askance at him and he explained that he’d lost his license a few months earlier for various driving offences and that his mother was happy to drive him around. Against my better judgement I hopped in the car and off we went.

After chatting briefly with MVWD and his mother, I realized that we were nowhere near the restaurant district of town (it’s a reasonably small town) and asked where we were going.  His mother laughed and said “we’re going to the best restaurant in town!” My stomach sank as it began to become clear what I had gotten myself into. Sure enough, we eventually pull into a driveway in the middle of suburbia and MVWD jumps out of the car and opens the car door for me and begins to walk me to the front door when his mother called out and gestured for me to come to her so she could give me a hug. I walked hesitantly toward her. She gave me a big hug then held me by the shoulders to take a good look at me. Then she noted that I “have great hips. Child-bearing hips.” WTF?! was 18, had just met her and barely knew her son and she was commenting on my “child-bearing” hips!

Dinner was served right away and not only did our date take place in a suburban home kitchen, it also included both his parents. They seemed like nice people (despite the weirdness out by the car) so I tried to just enjoy the evening as best I could. We talked about the usual stuff–work, school, sports, etc. The mother then asked me what my plans were once I finished school in a few months time. I replied that I planned to move to our state’s capital city, that was a few hours away from our hometown, for university. She then made a comment that driving back to our town every weekend would get annoying and had I considered the university that was only an hour away? I told her that one of the main reasons I wanted to attend university in the city was to get away from our town and that I would come back reasonably regularly, but certainly not every weekend.

She then said that MVWD would be happy to drive to the city most weekends (once he got his license back, presumably) but that during football season I would have to come back to watch him play every weekend. Again, WTF? This was our first date…driving back every weekend to watch him play footy? I don’t think so. She also proceeded to invite me on a shopping trip with her the following weekend, and told me that I’d have to get a dress to go her niece’s wedding in a few weeks time.

Anyway, I was thoroughly creeped out by the entire situation by the time dinner finished and really just wanted to get away from his weird mother so when MVWD asked me to his room to watch a movie I agreed. We sat there watching a film for about quarter of an hour or so when his mother came crashing into his room and started yelling at him to clean his “disgustingly, filthy room” (I didn’t think it was that bad). When MVWD asked her to stop as he had a guest over, she told me I should help him as I’d certainly be f***ing him in there soon enough. By this point I’d had enough of his crazy family, and with MVWD’s refusal to man up and say anything to her.

I asked his mother if she minded taking me back home soon as I had an early start the next day. She proceeded to tell me that both she and her husband had had too much to drink, and besides they all just assumed I’d be staying the night. What was wrong with me? I ended up having to ring my Mum to come and get me so I could go home–she laughed the entire way home after I told her what happened. It took a while before I could bring myself to speak with MVWD after this disaster, and then stupidly, I went on to have MVWD numbers 2 and 3 with the same bloke…but those are stories for another day.

My first and last blind date began when I agreed to be fixed up with a friend of an acquaintance who was described to me as shy, geeky, and “a little overweight.” Being a bit shy and geeky myself, I figured why not, and agreed to meet “Bob” for dinner. When I arrived at the restaurant where Bob was already seated, I discovered that a more accurate term than “a little overweight” was “morbidly obese.” Bob, as he later shared, was 470 pounds. Seconds after I was seated, when we had barely introduced ourselves, Bob started talking about his dreams of marriage and children. He had just turned 30 and his goal was to be married before his 31st birthday. Ummmm…oh dear.

These goals seemed a bit incongruous with the rest of Bob’s life.  He lived in a studio apartment above his mother’s garage, where he worked part time from home as a telemarketer (excuse me, “appointment setter.”) He had no educational or career goals, and seemed to spend all of his spare time playing World of Warcraft. He was extremely disappointed when I said I didn’t play.  Then he asked if I enjoyed letting others wash my hair. Taken aback I blurted out “no, not really” and he assured me that if I let him wash my hair I would enjoy it. This seemed to be a good time to say, “Bob, you’re a really sweet person but I don’t see this going anywhere.” Bob became very sad and said women often don’t find him attractive because of his weight and that he was trying to get approved for weight loss surgery. How do I say, “It’s not just your weight, it’s your personality?” I couldn’t.

All of this conversation took place while Bob was eating french fries, dipping each one in a mountain of ketchup and mayonnaise. Massive sticky globules of pink mayonnaise were collecting in the corners of Bob’s mouth. I politely suggested he wipe his mouth, but the problem was back in seconds. My goal was to finish our meal as quickly as possible, but when the bill arrived, Bob announced that his parents were going to love me. Before I could reply, SURPRISE! We would be meeting up with his parents…NOW…for ice cream! Who on earth includes their parents on a first date? I stood up and said, “I’m sorry, I’m just not interested,” left the cash to cover my meal on the table, and walked out before Bob could reply.