MVWD happened on a day that wasn’t going well anyway. I had plans to go to a big concert, but inadvertently insulted my friend who I was going to ride with to the gig. Not wanting to go alone, I texted J, a guy I had recently met online. We connected a month or so earlier on a networking site and chatted online, through text and with the occasional phone call.

From his profile, J looked cute and kind of alternative. He also worked in a record store, a real one that actual sold vinyl in addition to CDs, and had similar taste in music. I decided my night was ruined anyway, so it wouldn’t hurt to break my rule of not meeting people from the web unless I was with friends.

He called me back shortly after the text and wanted to meet up. He didn’t have a car, so I’d need to pick him up at work and we could head out to eat and maybe have drinks after.

I drove about 45 minutes and was shocked when I saw him inside the store closing up. I realized all of his photos online were either mid-torso and up, or taken at crazy angles. J was, and still is, the only guy I’ve ever seen who was literally pear-shaped. He came out and we drove across the parking lot to IHOP, since that’s where his friends hung out.

After chatting for all of five minutes, a girl came over and started talking to him. After a few minutes, he introduced her and she sat down next to him. They proceeded to spend the entire meal talking to each other about mutual friends (who I obviously didn’t know). Every time I tried to join the conversation, they would both give me strange looks, mostly ignore me, and go back to their conversation.

This lasted until we finished our food and he asked if I wanted to go see a local band he knew play. I told him I was feeling suddenly tired and asked if we could see them another night. When I was about halfway home, he texted me and apologized that he didn’t want to see me again. He said I was attractive, but “just too boring” for his lifestyle

Like a lot of people my age (20), I am on Facebook. One of the “referred friends” was a guy I knew from elementary school. So I added him.

I’m a night owl and one night at 3 a.m., he came online and told me that he really needed someone to talk to. I was fine with that and then he said he really wanted it to be in person. I shrugged it off and said okay. We agreed on coffee, and seeing as I don’t drive, he agreed to come to my end of town.

He picked me up and then started driving in a different direction. He said he needed to get gas first and there is this one place that is cheaper then the rest, so we went there. Then he said he wanted to show me his favorite place in town. I agreed, figuring maybe a park or something, but not too suspicious of him until he started driving out of the city, when he said he wanted to take me out to this camp that he used to be in as a teen. I had heard of it, but had never been to it, and from the way he talked about it, it sounded like it was close. It wasn’t.

On the drive out there, his driving seemed to be a little off. He was speeding and swerving a lot. Go figure, he was drunk. He kept going on about all these family problems, and when I talked a bit the one time, his attention was so fixated on me that he almost rolled the truck in a ditch. Apparently he really liked me and figured this was a date. We finally got there and there were no lights anywhere.

We walked down this long path, in which he was constantly bumping into me, until we got near the lake. There were coyotes out and he informed me that he was afraid of them, maybe this was his excuse to start getting really close to me. They didn’t bother me at all, but when their howls started to sound really close, he decided we should leave. To my relief. On the way back into town, he kept his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in closer to him all the time, while swerving on the road, speeding and, as it was now 7 a.m., falling asleep.

He dropped me off, I was polite and said goodnight, but then I blocked him and haven’t talked to him since.

I met this guy at work, and we really seemed to hit it off (he was a customer.) When he asked me out, I happily said yes. We decided to go to the movies to see One Missed Call. Halfway through the previews, he told me he had to use the restroom, and that he’d be back. Well, the rest of the previews came and went, so did the first hour of the movie. I finally got curious, and went looking for him. He was gone. What’s was even weirder to me is that I was the one who drove.

When I got out to my car, I checked my phone. He texted me that his father was in the hospital and that his brother swung by to pick him up. He also asked if we could reschedule. I said yes, feeling terrible. So I went home and popped on AIM, and what did I see? Him. Online. He sent me an IM, thanking me for being awesome, and that he was home and his cousin was fine. I thought I had miss read my text, because I thought it had said father. I looked back in my text inbox, and sure enough, he said his FATHER was in the ER. So when I cornered him, he confessed that he had a girlfriend and she was why he left!

I’m ashamed this is my second story to this site.

When I was 23 I had a friend who wanted to visit a buddy of hers in Iowa, which is six hours away. She asked if I wanted to come and keep her company on the drive over and I agreed.  We got  there and the buddy had several bands over at his house. He was in a well known band and had a recording studio in his basement, so he was a bit busy but made sure to get us some drinks and put in a movie for us to watch. Once the other bands cleared out, my friend, who falling asleep on the couch, asked if she could take a nap. He told her to just crash on his bed since he won’t be going to bed anytime soon. She did. He then sat on the couch and we chat and hit it off.

We kept in contact for several months after that and it turned romantic, he flew over to visit me or I’d drive over to see him and we were talked all the time online.  At 38, he was older than the guys I normally dated but I thought that meant he was more mature. We talked about me moving over there with him once I finished out my semester at college. Everything seemed so story book.

One morning I got an email from him and start reading. The email went into detail about a lot of different sexual acts, that I didn’t do with him, and then it ended talking about coming to see *insert childs name*’s baseball game that night. It was signed with a woman’s name. I was really confused, but when I read it again I realized it was an email that was sent to him recapping their sexual adventures from the night before. This woman was trying to get him to hang out with her and her son.

I called him to find out why he would have the nerve to send that to me when all he had to do was tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore. Turned out she had sent that to him and it had a virus (how appropriate), which caused it to be copied and sent to every single person on his mailing list.  It was his work email so at least it went out to all his clients as well.

My college trig classmate told me that her “friend” M wanted to meet me after seeing my picture on her MySpace profile. I agreed and My Very Worst Date ensued.

M, it turned out, was not as attractive as I was told. After introducing ourselved on the night of the date, he decided to forget my name and proceeded to call me “Mami” all night. Oh and btw, he was 38 and not 23 (as my classmate had said). At the time of the date, I just turned 18.

When I ordered a chicken Caesar salad, he then looked at me with disgust. I asked him if he was okay, and he responded by saying that eating meat was “fucking disgusting” and “It’s cannibalism! ” I was embarrassed and ending up just eating the rolls instead. He apologized and said that, “I only have one strike.” And then winks.

M then began to talk about the kind of woman he wants. He said that his mother neglected him as a child, therefore he wanted to be treated like a spoiled child. So whenever he called me “Mami,” he really was saying “mommy.” He then asked if I wanted to “come over.” I said no.

After the date, I ignored his calls and texts. One text had a picture of his dick on it. I was not impressed so wrote back: “That’s one tiny meat I will never eat. GOODBYE, FREAK.”

When I was 20, I tried online dating for the first and last time. I had arranged to meet my date at his college, where he wanted to watch the film department’s screenings that night. He called before I left home to chat which made me feel relaxed and content that the evening would work out.

When I arrived, he wasn’t at the designated waiting area so I called and he said that he was on his way. I hate it when people are late, but I wanted to bring my best character forward so I patiently waited. Three hours (and the entire movie over) later he arrived with another girl! Yes, I should have left but I didn’t. I really don’t know why.

We went to the bar instead with me trying to convince myself that the girl was his sister (although she was a different race and had a foreign accent). During the evening he spent all his time texting on his phone. Some time later he left me at the table with her so that he could go talk to his friends outside. Only at that point I realised I had been way too polite and accommodating.

It turned out that the girl had met him online too. He had apparently arranged our dates at the same time. She was new to the area and country. After talking for a while, we decided to ditch him and when to meet up with my girlfriends at a club. I’m still friends with her five years on.

My Very Worst Date also happened to be my first date ever. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t overly young but I had been really shy in high school and got all my confidence while at university. This happened one summer when I’d returned to my small country town for the uni break.

The hottest bar in town happened to have a doctors and nurses party while I was there, so I headed to the party with my best friend. We were completely decked out as sexy nurses and had a few drinks. This is where I met C, the cute bartender. At some point during the night, I wrote my name and number down on a “prescription” pad and had one of my friends hand it to him. I was thrilled when he messaged me the next day and asked me out for drinks at the same bar.

The next night, I was very nervous with pre-date jitters so I decided to head to the bar a bit early with my older sister and some friends to have a couple of drinks and relax before he turned up. The assigned time of the date came and passed without any sign of him.  I went for a walk around the bar to see if maybe he hadn’t spotted me (it was a pretty large bar) and saw him talking to some other girl. A little annoyed, I decided that I better just sit down back at my table and wait for him to find me.

He finally stumbled  up to me and I realized he was absolutely smashed and possibly stoned as well (had the glassy, bloodshot eyes). Still, I decided to make the best of it. He sat down and explained that the girl he was talking to was actually his ex and that he missed her and loved her. He had, in his words, been a massive retard and messed it up with her. This went on for about 30 minutes with me adding, “yeah, oh that sucks” etc. at intervals. I also kept trying to signal to my sister and friends to save me from the awkwardness.

My sister finally came over to say hi and try to extricate me from my date. This was when skeezebag C starts hitting on her. Trading sexual innuendo for her casual comments and going so far as to imply that he’d like to “do” her while I’m sitting right there! I’d had enough. I just got straight up and walked off to be comforted by some friends and a few drinks. The next day, C tried to add me as a friend on Facebook. It felt so good to click IGNORE!

I had the worst date of my life when I was 23. I had just gone through a horrendous breakup and was really not in the right frame of mind to be dating, so of course, when I got a message on MySpace from a semi-cute guy who “just wanted to talk,” I was all about it. My first clue should’ve been that he wanted to call me 30 minutes after he got my first message and my second clue should’ve been that after making plans, he kept me on the phone for the next 45 minutes. While on my way to meet him, he told me he had no gas, and even though he had money for gas, he would probably end up using it to buy an energy drink the next day instead. He had no money for anything else, including our date.

So we met up and I drove us to a bar that had live music. Once inside, he got a Bud Light. I asked the bartender if they had any Guinness. My date asked me what else I drink, and I told him, “Mostly Irish and British beers, no liquor.” To this, he responded, “Oh, I usually just stick with Bud Light. I’m not one of those people who worry about their image all the time.” He pulled me around from one band to another at this place and ended up talking to a gigantic group of people, but didn’t introduce me to any of them so I told him I was tired and we need to leave.

On the way back, he told me how awesome the band Tool is and asked me if I was into them. I told him I do like them, but I’m not one of those crazy dedicated fans. He said, “Oh, yeah, I LOVE Tool. No offense, but I feel like some of the lyrics probably just go over your head.” That was strike three. I dropped him off at his car and then stupidly answered the phone when he called me (thinking maybe he’d gotten into an accident or something). No, he just wanted to talk at me for another 45 minutes. He had no earthly idea why I wouldn’t answer his calls, texts or MySpace messages after that.

Last year I experimented with online dating and I arranged to meet for drinks at an upscale venue with a guy whose profile said that he was six feet tall and worked in fashion. He was older than me, but looked youthful in his picture so I didn’t mind. I arrived at the bar and there he was. His picture dated back by at least five years, to when he still had hair. Also, I am five foot five and towered over him in my three inch heels.

He proceeded to snap his fingers at the waiter and order the house white. He took a gulp and then declared it awful and then said, “Oh well, we’ll just drink it.” In the following half-hour, he proceeded to tell me that all bankers are evil (I am a banker) and that “I work in fashion” means “I procure sweatshops for high street retailers.” Meanwhile he was wearing a shirt last in seen on The Hoff and a belt buckle the size of a saucer. He also declared that little children in Burma are happy to go to work in factories because that way they can hang out with their mommies and that otherwise they’d all be heroin addicts.

When he suggested we go for dinner I was horrified. To be graceful I suggested we have some tapas there. He ate the olives with chopsticks, which I found perplexing. Finally, the bill arrived and he asked me for half of it. As we leave, he picks the receipt up and says, “I’ll take this, I can expense it!” Needless to say, I let him make a profit out of the date. As we were walking out, the kind waiter tells me he’s very sorry for me for the awful date and that I should go back inside for a glass of champagne. I took him up on the offer as soon as I’d said goodbye to the awful man outside.

Several years ago, I met a nice Indian guy online and he invited me out to play pool. During our date the conversation was a little awkward, but we covered all the basic first date stuff. I went to the ladies room and when I came back he had already paid the check. I thought maybe I had said something wrong, but when we finished our drinks he asked me to go somewhere else to get dessert. In the cab ride he revealed that he was an accident lawyer and became really pushy with the Indian cabbie, trying to give him his business card and speaking with a forced Indian accent. I thought it was a little odd, but far be it for me to prevent him from seeking business.

He then made a phone call on his cell, asking for “Joe” to make us two desserts. I joked that I guessed he knew the owners of the restaurant, but he was vague in response. As we walk in the entrance of the restaurant, his entire family (aunts, uncles, small children and parents) had formed a reception line and I had to meet and greet every one of them before we got in the door. I didn’t even know his last name yet! Needless to say, I booked it out of there at the first opportunity.