Last summer, my friend T asked me out on a date. We had slept together six months previously, and though it had been awkward I wanted to give him another chance. He asked me to meet him at the metro station near my house, saying he had “the whole date planned out,” but refusing to tell me what it was. I showed up in jeans, a tank top, and my new flower-print heels.

I asked him what we were doing, and he said we were going to the movies. While we waited in line for the movie (the sixth Harry Potter, which he picked without asking my opinion), he passed time by insulting my shoes, my hair, and my outfit. By the time we entered the theater, I was offended but decided to try to relax and enjoy the movie. The theater was packed, we were surrounded on all sides by families, including many kids.

Everything was going fine, until about 30 minutes into the movie when he grabbed my hand very suddenly and nervously. I thought he was trying to hold hands, but instead he shoved my hand down his pants! I wasn’t sure if it was Ron and Hermione that did it or me, but he was already quite excited. I pulled my hand away quickly, and started laughing. He scooted away from me and glared, continuing to glare for the next 20 minutes.

Then, his cell phone rang. He ran out of the theater, and came back five minutes later saying that his mom had called and he needed to go home, but I was free to stay and enjoy the movie (which was in a dodgy part of town and wouldn’t end until late at night). I said that I’d leave with him instead.

He refused to take the train back into the center of town, instead saying we’d split a cab and I’d get out first at my apartment. As we neared my place, he confessed that he had no cash and I’d have to pay for the whole taxi (including the 30 minute ride from my place to his). I threw some cash at him, disgusted, and went home. Awful!

My Very Worst Date happened when I was in the first year at university, so only 18, and rather naïve and less cynical than I am now. I also was in the habit of regularly snogging random guys at a really awful nightclub, and then agreeing to go on a date with them. Unsurprisingly, none of these guys were particularly suitable, but generally the dates weren’t too bad, apart from this one.

We arranged to meet at Covent Garden tube station in central London. As we were walking down to a bar, we “happened” to bump into a couple of his mates, who were going to the Walkabout bar nearby. We chatted for a little while, but this mainly consisted of his mates being rather nasty to me because of the way I speak (because of where I grew up, I am fairly well spoken, he and his mates were fairly cockney-ish), and telling me that I must be rather stuck up because of this. Hmm. For some reason, this didn’t throw up any red flags (I since realised you can tell a lot about a person from their friends!)

Well, we walked down to the bar (a couple of doors down from the Walkabout where his friends were headed). He bought me a drink and we sat down and started chatting. Pretty much the entire conversation was him telling me how much he’s spent on his jeans, his trainers, his shirt etc. Funnily enough, this didn’t really do it for me, but I’m polite, so I nodded along and tried to look impressed, making a mental note to go on less dates with random guys. As we were coming to the end of our drinks, he said he needed to get some more cash, gave me a long kiss, and excused himself to go to the ATM. I waited in the bar, but got concerned as around ten or fifteen minutes went by, as there was a cash machine just opposite.

I figured I’d pop out to look for him, but he was nowhere in sight, so I headed home. I was moderately concerned about him, as I knew people who’d been mugged in the area, so when I got home, I sent him a text to check he was OK, not mentioning anything about meeting up again, as I didn’t really want to! I got a reply saying “I thought you would have got the message I wasn’t interested, please f*** off”, and then shortly after, a rather abusive voice mail from him and his friends. Not sure why he couldn’t have said he wasn’t interested at the bar, especially as I wasn’t interested in him either.

Although I still snogged random guys in awful clubs, needless to say, I didn’t go on any more dates with them!

I met this guy at work, and we really seemed to hit it off (he was a customer.) When he asked me out, I happily said yes. We decided to go to the movies to see One Missed Call. Halfway through the previews, he told me he had to use the restroom, and that he’d be back. Well, the rest of the previews came and went, so did the first hour of the movie. I finally got curious, and went looking for him. He was gone. What’s was even weirder to me is that I was the one who drove.

When I got out to my car, I checked my phone. He texted me that his father was in the hospital and that his brother swung by to pick him up. He also asked if we could reschedule. I said yes, feeling terrible. So I went home and popped on AIM, and what did I see? Him. Online. He sent me an IM, thanking me for being awesome, and that he was home and his cousin was fine. I thought I had miss read my text, because I thought it had said father. I looked back in my text inbox, and sure enough, he said his FATHER was in the ER. So when I cornered him, he confessed that he had a girlfriend and she was why he left!

My Very Worst Date was partially because I didn’t know it was a date. I had agreed to meet up with a guy from my Japanese class when he contacted me via Facebook with an invite. He told me there would be at least 15 people going to a local Japanese restaurant and then to karaoke. Though we were in a group we decided to split a meal. Everything seemed light and fun, until the check came. I pulled out my wallet to pay my half and he opted to pay in full. A minute later the kind waitress asked if he had another way to pay since his card was declined. He looked at me and said, “I dont have any cash”. So I pay and shake it off.

We went to one of the nicest karaoke spots in north Texas, so I was told. We all sat, sang and had a ball until I noticed “T” went missing after about an hour. I went into the hall and there he was laying in fetal position saying, “Oh my God, I have a stomachache” repetitively in a baby voice. This went on for 30 minutes outside of the men’s bathroom, then he goes to the front of the building, finds the smallest trashcan he could and vomited all over it. I headed to the bar and began to forget this guy. It may not have been so bad but I had just met the guy. His friend told me to keep him company as “he invited you for a reason” (insert wink and smile). I couldn’t wait to avoid his calls and texts.

Last year, I was going through a really bad separation so I wanted to get my mind off things and meet someone. I met a cute guy online, but he lived about two hours away. I decided I would go meet him. He told me to meet him at the Walmart next to his house. So I drove two hours in the snow to meet this guy.

We found each other in the crowded parking lot. I got in his car…. and that was it. The only thing he had planned was to hang out in his car in the Walmart parking lot. I didn’t know the area at all, so I couldn’t suggest anywhere to go. I tried to urge him to go somewhere else, do something else by telling him I was hungry. Instead of finding a McDonalds at the very least, he ran inside Walmart and grabbed some chips and beer.

After about an hour of sitting, listening to him talk about how he just installed a new stereo, I told him I had to go to the bathroom. I got out the car and was going to make a run for mine and get out of there, but he followed me! So, I went to the bathroom and hung out in there for a really long time hoping he would get the hint. He didn’t, he was still standing outside the bathroom when I came out. While we were walking out I told him that I was sorry, but I couldn’t continue with the date anymore. I turned and literally ran to my car. That was my lesson to never meet someone online.

A few years back, I was invited to Thanksgiving dinner with the family of my boyfriend of two months. Since he worked close by, but his parents lived forty minutes away, he offered to pick me up and take me home. When we arrived, I was surprised to find that two of his “buddies” were also there. I felt a little odd since I had never met his parents and the way he had sold the dinner to me, he made it seem as if this would be the official “meet the parents” dinner. It wasn’t.

As soon as the plates were cleared my date took off upstairs, followed immediately by one of his friends. I thought nothing of it until 20 minutes later they were still upstairs, leaving me and his one other “buddy” alone with his parents. Not to mention there were several odd, loud noises coming from above us. Eventually his other friend became frustrated and went upstairs to join them and this is when the noises got even louder.

After 40 minutes, the three came back downstairs, and my boyfriend proceeded to go into the living room and fall asleep. His two friends decided to leave around the same time, so I asked the one for a ride home, in which he obliged. This is when my “sleeping” date somehow heard this and came out of the living room, screaming and threatening his friend. The last thing I wanted was to get back into a car with my date, but he basically threatened me until I had no other choice. And the entire time his family did nothing to help me, but only condoned his behavior.

The ride home was awkward and he kept trying to explain himself, but I didn’t want to hear it. After that day, I refused to see him again. And I still do not know what the three of them were doing upstairs, nor do I want to.

My first experience of dating in Miami was with a woman who had a name and face I will never ever forget. She was an Eastern European goddess that made the $200 bill at the South Beach sushi restaurant worth every penny. Everything went really well at dinner. There was lots of eye contact, smiling, laughter and then later, we headed to a nightclub nearby called Sweet. A $20 cover charge and a $100 bottle of Grey Goose later, the mood was set. In the club, there was a rather big and secluded chair by the restroom. We got very friendly on it.

After some long passionate kisses, lots of touching and feeling, we went for an early morning breakfast at David’s Café (another $50 by the way) before our long drive back to her place in Hallandale. So far, everything was perfect and what more could a guy ask for, right? Well, a pig of a man would have asked her to come over to his place but being the gentleman that I am, I decided to take her home (hers) instead and ask her if we could see each other again. We held hands in the car. A very sad yet romantic song started playing on my radio and her mood quickly became somber. As we pulled up to her house, she looked at me with sad eyes. We kissed for a very long time and then she hit me with the sad and pathetic truth.

“I would ask you in but I live with my boyfriend and we are not getting along right now,” she said.

I was completely dumbfounded. 

“Boyfriend,” I said.

“Yea, it’s a long story” she said. “Can I call you some time?”

“Yea, I guess.”

She never did. I never reached out to her either.

Looking back, it was both My Very best and Very Worst date. The best because I had never met or kissed a more beautiful woman. We also had more chemistry than I thought was possible. It was My Very Worst Date because I realized that all she really wanted was to be romanced and go out with someone new after being in a long relationship that was obviously going nowhere.

I had been chatting online with a guy every night for about a week. We both work in the same field, and live on the same side of the city, so I was looking forward to talking in person. We agreed to meet up for drinks one night after work. He selected the restaurant, and agreed to pick me up because my apartment was on the way.

When he arrived, 45 minutes late, he asked if I could think of anywhere with faster service since he was hungry and really needed something to eat. I threw out a couple alternatives, both of which he made faces at. He then sighed exaggeratedly deep and said, “You know, this just isn’t fair to you. I only have about a half an hour to spare and you’d spend it watching me eat. I’d rather devote, like, two hours to you some other time. If you get what I mean. It’s not you! I promise. I’m just really busy.”

Needless to say, I didn’t get what he meant. He could have canceled at any point during the day. “You’re mad, aren’t you?” he asked. I replied with a “yes” as I walked back into my building.

I had just moved to Houston from New Orleans just after Hurricane Katrina blew down the city. Having not found anyone special, I was thrilled to meet a really pretty Lebanese girl shortly after moving to the west side of Houston to be closer to my job. I remember thinking to myself the first time I saw her at church in a Jackie O-style dress: this is the prettiest girl I’ve seen since I’ve been here. We talked and exchanged numbers.

One Friday shortly after, she called me and asked if I would like to join her for bowling followed by dinner. Of course, I said yes, thinking that she was a bold one to make the first move. I was thrilled and couldn’t wait to see her. Driving there, I wondered where this might go. I imagined us as a couple down the line being very happy together and maybe very much in love. In hindsight, I realize such thoughts were way too hasty.

I walked into the bowling alley and start looking around. She was nowhere to be seen. I walked up and down the rows but no dice. After ten minutes, I called her. She answered and told me, “Oh yeah, we’re at the restaurant. We decided to eat first then go bowl.” I think I just stood there thinking, “Wha? Were you gonna call me to let me know?” I headed to the eatery and found that there were three other guys there with her. Of course, there was no place for me. I found a chair, joined them, only to become the bastard child that no one spoke to unless I spoke to them.

Then we headed to the bowling alley. There was more bastard behavior towards me. I do, however, bowl like a pro. None of them did. As the night progressed, I found out that the Lebanese lovely was not at all interested in me; she had her eye on another younger guy. I got no attention throughout the night so I started a solo guys’ night out: drinking beers and bowling aces. Before I went home, I tried to say goodbye to her but the younger guy was all over her so I just left.

I met a guy online and eventually he asked me out on a date. We met up at a restaurant where we had a lovely dinner with decent conversation. He had a few beers during dinner, but I was drinking too, so I wasn’t really concerned about it.

Afterward, we walked over to a bar to have some drinks and chat. He had a few more drinks and proceeded to chat up the girl in the booth next to ours. He was almost totally turned around in his seat just to talk to her. I sat there and stewed for a few minutes, but when they exchanged phone numbers, I decided it was time to leave. He couldn’t figure out why I was mad.

He followed me back to my car, where he asked me to give him a blow job – right there in the parking lot. The next day, he emailed and apologized for his behavior, explaining that he was an alcoholic.