As a junior in high school, I worked at a local fast food chain and they hired a new student to work the grill. I was one of the few girls to work the grill and we became friendly. I thought he was very cute–tall, blond hair, blues eyes and he drove a sports car that he fixed up himself. He went to a different high school than I did so I thought nothing of it when he asked if he could pick me up from school one day. I just figured that he had half day.

When he picked me up, he looked great but his car sounded terrible. It was so embarrassing that I actually waited until all of the buses left and most of the students were gone so no one would see me. He then proceeded to use the word, “dude” about a thousand times! Hello! I am a girl.

To make conversation, I decided to tell him about a great debate we had in my history class. When I finished, he looked at me like I was talking another language, switched the subject and proceeded to tell me how he skipped school that day, like he often did.

We were supposed to go bowling but I had a better idea. I knew that this was going nowhere fast so I suggested that he come into my house while I changed and speak to my mom. They spoke while I was changing. My mom and I then talked a bit about my class debate.

He looked at me, I looked at him and he told me that he was not feeling well and asked if he could take a raincheck. I told him that was fine and that was the last that I heard of them. My mom helped me to get out of a tight spot.

Sad thing is that he dropped out of high school.

For high school, I attended a very strict boarding school that required us to wear uniforms. There were certain rules governing who was allowed to fraternize with whom. Of course, being a young girl at a predominantly male school, I found a boy who was against the rules. We wanted to go out one night, but only certain students were allowed to have vehicles so we were in a crunch. We found another “illegal” couple who had a vehicle so we all went out to the old, abandoned airport. You could drive along the runways and during the summer and they would have drag races. Well, the four of us were out there driving around until we found a suitable spot to park. Since there was only one back seat available, we had to take turns fooling around. It wasn’t our turn so my date and I we were walking around outside. We smelled something funny, like pumpkin (it was in the fall season) so I didn’t think too much about it. We took another step and there was something on my shoe. I didn’t think anything of it and stuck my finger in it to see what was on my shoe.

Apparently, dogs eat pumpkin because I had dog poop on my hand and foot. I wanted to cry and the guy I was with started laughing so hard he was jumping up and down and running away from me. He was practically rolling on the ground laughing at me when he came back over to me, put his arm around my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, shit happens.”  It was very traumatic for a 15 year old girl. Being in uniform, we didn’t have a lot of resources to clean me up with so during his laughter he handed me his handkerchief that he was required to carry and I tried as best as I could not to cry.  We got the other couple and told them we need to go so we headed off to a gas station to so I could wash my hands. Before we say anything about what happened the other guy asked, “Why does it smell like dog shit in here?”  That comment only lead to further laughing from my “friend” who tried to explain the situation between laughing and breathing. I wanted to disappear. After returning to school, let’s just say my relationship with my date didn’t take off, but we remained platonic friends.

MVWD happened in my freshman year of college. I met guy who lived on my dorm floor who seemed very awkward, but nice. When I saw him playing guitar I talked to him about music for the whole night. I enjoyed myself, so when he asked me out to “dinner sometime” I accepted. Turns out by “sometime” he meant the next day. After being annoyed that I was not ready as soon as he rudely opened my door, we took off for our date.

We took a bus and we got off at Red Robin. I am not particularly fond of Red Robin, but I was hungry and eager to eat. However, my date wanted to go to the mall first to pick up a couple things. He spent an hour in Bed, Bath, and Beyond and did not purchase a single item. Just as I thought we could leave he told me that he needed to pick up a job application as well. We then picked up an application at every store in the mall. By now, it is almost nine at night.

We walked over to Red Robin and were shown a seat for two immediately. One half of the table was booth seating, which I chose because I’m shorter than he is and would have an easier time getting in and out. He then slid in right next to me and smiled and stared at my horrified face. The waitress gave me looks of pity the entire time. The staff tried to give me the best service possible, but my date was being very difficult. The food was sent back five times and he refused to pay for his soda because he didn’t think it was diet (he drank it all anyway). The date ended and we took the bus back to our dorm. At the door to my room he asked for another date and I said no. I thought he would just walk away but refused to leave until this was “straightened out”.

After half an hour of him going on and on about why I should go on another date with him, I realized he would not go away unless I said yes. Two days later, he came into my room reminding me that we still have another date. He smiled at me and took my hand and said he loved me. I did not go on any other date with him, but somehow he still thought we were a couple. Two months later he finally got it into his head that we were not dating. It was the longest two months of my life!

When I was a teenager, my best friend in high school took it upon himself to set me up on a date with a friend of his, B, from a different school. I got B’s phone number and we spoke a couple of times before he invited me to a local junior’s disco. We both agreed that we would each take a friend along to lessen the initial awkwardness of meeting in person for the first time. I invited the friend who had set us up and he told me he would bring his female friend, N, with him.

The big day arrived, but my best friend phoned in the morning to cancel, saying that he was too ill to go out. I texted B with this news, but he replied telling me not to worry about it, and that N was still coming. So off I went. When I got there, B was waiting outside (I recognized him from the photos that my friend had showed me) and I greeted him. We made some awkward small talk while we waited for N to show up, and then headed inside when she got there. Once we were inside, it was basically impossible to continue a conversation since the music was blaring so loudly.

The three of us found a table, and almost immediately, N dragged B off to dance with her – leaving me sitting by myself with her handbag and his coat. The rest of the night was spent the same way. I watched while she slow danced and grinded up against my date. Eventually, they came back to the table and B tried to ask me a couple of questions about myself, but before I could answer him, N got up and sat down on his lap, throwing her arms around his neck. She stayed there for the next hour, glaring at me while I grew increasingly pissed off with the whole situation.

At about 11pm the Junior’s disco was winding down, and although I’d made arrangements with my parents to be picked up at about midnight, I made some excuses and got the hell out of there. I found out later from my friend that B had told both N and me that this was a date, and that he’d intended it to be a night where he could “compare us properly.” He called a few days later to tell me that he’d picked me and I hung up on him. He never called back.

Like a lot of people my age (20), I am on Facebook. One of the “referred friends” was a guy I knew from elementary school. So I added him.

I’m a night owl and one night at 3 a.m., he came online and told me that he really needed someone to talk to. I was fine with that and then he said he really wanted it to be in person. I shrugged it off and said okay. We agreed on coffee, and seeing as I don’t drive, he agreed to come to my end of town.

He picked me up and then started driving in a different direction. He said he needed to get gas first and there is this one place that is cheaper then the rest, so we went there. Then he said he wanted to show me his favorite place in town. I agreed, figuring maybe a park or something, but not too suspicious of him until he started driving out of the city, when he said he wanted to take me out to this camp that he used to be in as a teen. I had heard of it, but had never been to it, and from the way he talked about it, it sounded like it was close. It wasn’t.

On the drive out there, his driving seemed to be a little off. He was speeding and swerving a lot. Go figure, he was drunk. He kept going on about all these family problems, and when I talked a bit the one time, his attention was so fixated on me that he almost rolled the truck in a ditch. Apparently he really liked me and figured this was a date. We finally got there and there were no lights anywhere.

We walked down this long path, in which he was constantly bumping into me, until we got near the lake. There were coyotes out and he informed me that he was afraid of them, maybe this was his excuse to start getting really close to me. They didn’t bother me at all, but when their howls started to sound really close, he decided we should leave. To my relief. On the way back into town, he kept his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in closer to him all the time, while swerving on the road, speeding and, as it was now 7 a.m., falling asleep.

He dropped me off, I was polite and said goodnight, but then I blocked him and haven’t talked to him since.

My Very Worst Date occurred on my 19th birthday, a day that’s normally reserved for some kind of party and general debauchery. Unfortunately, I had been dating this guy on and off for a while, and while he was cute, I always felt there was something off. He wanted to treat me to a day of fun on my birthday, but the day began with him getting to my house late. I waited for at least three hours for him to show up. It turned out he had no actual plans, so he suggested a trip to Taco Bell. So far that was fine, I was just slightly annoyed, until he let me know that he had no money. I, being completely shocked, decided that was okay for some reason and coughed up the money to pay for my own cheapo birthday lunch.

From there, we had to find something to do that was fun. He was driving around in circles trying to decide and guess what? His car ran out of gas. In order to get home I paid for half a tank. We ended up driving back to my house after that and I was obviously annoyed at the situation, yet he still hung around. I was completely ignoring him at home, but he wouldn’t leave. Finally, the time came for my parents to take me out for a birthday dinner. In addition to being a totally awkward individual with no conversational skills, he tipped over a glass of water, spilled food and was a general embarrassment. After that, he still didn’t go home, but I feigned sleep in order to get him to leave. The following week, I broke up with him in search of greener pastures.

In my Intro to Psych class, I was assigned to work on a project with a very attractive guy. After a couple of late evening work sessions, one thing lead to another and we finished one evening with quite the make-out session. He and I arranged to have an official date.

I met him after one of my classes, and we walked to a nearby restaurant to have dinner, with a plan to head to his apartment afterward. Things were going great. Until we started to get to know each other. I guess previously, we had really focused on our classwork, because we had missed essential details. Like, that he had been divorced a couple of years ago, and had a 5-year-old son. He was returning to school for a career change, having retired from the military just after his divorce, when he was 32. He was 34 now.

Still sounds like a nice guy, right? So what was the problem? I had just started college. And because my birthday is late in the year, I was only 17. He was twice my age. Dinner ended quickly, as did our plans for privacy later, as I was still kind of illegal. We had both assumed the other to be closer to our own age. Awkward to say the least. As was finishing up that project for class. We had the same major, and so we had many classes together over the next four years. Fortunately, it became more funny and less horrifying as time went on.

MVWD happened in High School. I was going to be senior and was dating a guy a few years older than me. He was really into me and let me get away with a lot of stupid and immature behavior fitting of a 17 year old.

“My mom doesn’t want me to date you since you’re older than me so we have to sneak around,” I explained.

“Okay,” he said.

“I have an obnoxious best friend that you will have to put up with,” I added.

“Okay,” he said.

Half way through the summer and very deeply into our honeymoon period he took me out for ice cream. We decided to share a sundae and he let me choose all my favorite things. This also included him not getting his favorite thing, namely, peanuts. The overwhelming gooeyness continued as we fed each other between kisses. In a climax of cuteness he placed the cherry between his teeth and prompted me to come get it. I leaned forward and tried (not so skillfully) to bite off half the cherry. The little bugger wouldn’t stay put, but I finally got a good grip on it when “SNAP!” My date recoiled in pain and reveled, to my utter horror, that I had just bitten through his lip.

He was amazingly gracious about it. He allowed me to finish the sundae (as he couldn’t bear to eat any more) and apparently wore it as a badge honor with his friends later that night. I am still overcome with guilt. At this very moment I am apologizing profusely to my date, who now happens to be my husband and he is still assuring me that it wasn’t that bad. Just so you know, I don’t get off that easy anymore.

My best friend was asked to the prom by the high school mascot. Not wanting to be left out, I asked an acquaintance to go. He was kind of a loser, but he looked like Clark Kent so it was better than not going.

That is when the willies came out. I was shopping with my best friend when she pulled me aside to show me some “lingerie” she picked out for the big night. It was a pink satin lace thong. She asked, “Are you having sex with your date?” I laughed and said no. She then proceeded to tell me “a plan.” She was dumping her date after prom to have sex with my date back at the hotel! She asked me if she should buy the lingerie.

I still went through with prom. And my supposed friend went through with her sleepover arrangement. It didn’t bother me but it was awkward until graduation. No big loss though. A year later, my new friends and I ran into my date drunkenly leaving a college dorm and shouting, “I just had sex with the most beautiful blonde ever!” It was so embarrassing. I never told my friends he’d been my prom date.

When I was in high school, I met L., an awesome guy at a youth group get together. We hit it off and made plans to get together the next week. The plan was simple: visit the county art museum, grab some dinner and meet his friends at a basketball game. The afternoon of our date, L. showed up on time and talked politely to my parents.

We drove to the art museum 30 minutes from my house only to discover that it was closed on Wednesdays. No matter since there was a beautiful lake in the park next to the museum. When we got the the farthest possible distance from the car, it started pouring down rain and the temperature dropped about twenty degrees. We were soaking wet by the time we got back to L.’s car. He turned on the heat and we dried out on the way to the mall where we planned to have dinner in the food court.

After eating my Subway turkey sandwich, my stomach felt a little funny, but I didn’t say anything. His high school was only a few miles from the mall. When L. pulled into the parking lot, it was completely empty. We were several hours late for the game. L. was being an extremely good sport while my stomach was gurgling like crazy. The rain had finished off, so he suggested a walk up to an observation tower in a national park about 20 miles away.

We got to the observation tower parking lot and made our way up the muddy trail to the tower. It was so foggy that we couldn’t even see the ground. I started having horrible cramps and gas. We made our way down the trail and back to the car. On the 45 minute car ride home I kept letting loose horrid smelling farts and belching. I could feel the diarrhea coming on and was praying that I would make it home.

When we got to my parent’s house, I made a run for the bathroom where my stomach emptied itself from both ends. J. said hello to my parents within hearing distance of my disgusting bodily functions. The poor guy didn’t stay very long to chat. I was sick for the next three days. He never called me back.