After breaking up with an ass of an ex, my best friend persuaded me to give Match.com a try as she’d had success on it and thought I would too. I met a few really nice people off the site and managed to filter most of the booty call-type messages, but it seems one slipped through the net. His photo was good, his profile was well written and although I wasn’t entirely sure I wanted to go out with someone who was separated with three kids, I thought it wouldn’t be fair to be picky and he may just be right for me. We messaged a couple of times over the site and as I favour meeting up for a drink rather than spending months chatting online only to be disappointed scenario, we swapped numbers and arranged an after work drink and meal in town.
He rolled up late, which was fine as I knew he had a 30 minute journey in rush hour, so I’d bought a book loosely relative to the degree I am studying (criminology). He ordered a coffee, asked me if I was okay with him smoking (I smoke too, but usually make a rule of not smoking on a date) and lit up. He noticed the book I was reading and asked the normal, utterly unfunny questions about whether I was studying to be a criminal, etc. After about 40 minutes, with his coffee gone and my wine pretty much on the dredges, he asked me what I was up to that evening. I said that I thought we had arranged to have dinner, to which he remarked that he’d spent most his money today buying an XBox. He said he wasn’t really hungry but could we go back to mine?
I have a general rule that I never ever get into a car with someone on the first date, much less show them where I live, so I declined. He then spent 10 minutes assuring me he wasn’t a murderer like I read in my books, that he just wanted to drop me home. I still declined. Then he came out with an utter bombshell:
“I was hoping to get a blow job and stick my cock up your arse,” he said.
WTF? He started nervously laughing and I laughed so hard I nearly cried. When he realised I wasn’t laughing with him, but at him, he stood up to pay the drinks bill. Me, being polite, felt it was only fair to “thank” him for the date and drink so I waited for him. Five minutes turned into 10, and then into 15, and I figured he’d made a run for it, so I collected my stuff ready to leave when he appeared at the doorway. He said he’d paid for the drinks and asked me once more if I’d like a lift home.
I discovered why he had been gone so long.
“I just had a wank in the toilets, thinking about your tits,” he explained.
I thanked him, then laughed the entire way home. He rang me a few times, and texted me once to ask, “Was I a bit full on?” I never gave him the grace of replying – I’ll let him mull that one over.
MVWD was back in 1989, when I had just moved into a new town and begin my first real job. I was working for an area fitness center and had the opportunity to meet many people, but not many who I would call dating material. Keep in mind that I was living in a small town and everyone knew everyone. So a co-worker set me up with a friend of hers to attend a Halloween costume party. I went dressed as a reporter thinking that way I could look nice and also not give the wrong impression. My blind date showed up at my apartment dressed in a trench coat and socks and shoes. I didn’t ask him what he was dressed as until we were driving to the party. He said he would tell me at the party so I thought he dressed as a woman.
Much to my shock when we arrived at the party he was dressed as a flasher. Now his private parts were covered with fur-covered jock strap, but he was walking around the whole time at the party flashing everyone. Obviously I did not socialize much with him at the party. When it was time to go home he asked why I didn’t talk much and all could say was that I really didn’t think we were going to hang out much. I did not go out with him again but he kept showing up at my door on off for a couple weeks still wondering why I didn’t like him.
When I was a teenager, my best friend in high school took it upon himself to set me up on a date with a friend of his, B, from a different school. I got B’s phone number and we spoke a couple of times before he invited me to a local junior’s disco. We both agreed that we would each take a friend along to lessen the initial awkwardness of meeting in person for the first time. I invited the friend who had set us up and he told me he would bring his female friend, N, with him.
The big day arrived, but my best friend phoned in the morning to cancel, saying that he was too ill to go out. I texted B with this news, but he replied telling me not to worry about it, and that N was still coming. So off I went. When I got there, B was waiting outside (I recognized him from the photos that my friend had showed me) and I greeted him. We made some awkward small talk while we waited for N to show up, and then headed inside when she got there. Once we were inside, it was basically impossible to continue a conversation since the music was blaring so loudly.
The three of us found a table, and almost immediately, N dragged B off to dance with her – leaving me sitting by myself with her handbag and his coat. The rest of the night was spent the same way. I watched while she slow danced and grinded up against my date. Eventually, they came back to the table and B tried to ask me a couple of questions about myself, but before I could answer him, N got up and sat down on his lap, throwing her arms around his neck. She stayed there for the next hour, glaring at me while I grew increasingly pissed off with the whole situation.
At about 11pm the Junior’s disco was winding down, and although I’d made arrangements with my parents to be picked up at about midnight, I made some excuses and got the hell out of there. I found out later from my friend that B had told both N and me that this was a date, and that he’d intended it to be a night where he could “compare us properly.” He called a few days later to tell me that he’d picked me and I hung up on him. He never called back.
I was introduced to a friend’s brother at a party and we hit it off pretty well. We each had a glass of wine and talked for hours. As a swimsuit model, I had been featured in several magazine layouts which I never disclose when I start dating someone — I just say I am a model. Anyway, he asked if he could call me the next day so we could go to dinner and a movie and I agreed. The next day he sent me flowers (he got my address from my friend) and called as he said he would. I was impressed with his consideration, we agreed to go to dinner the following night and he asked if he could pick me up at 8. At the restaurant he ordered wine and asked if he could order my meal for me, as he said he knew what I would like. I said okay, and we went back to having a lovely conversation.
During the meal he asked if he could ask me a “personal” question and when I said yes, he asked if I was a good Christian, which somewhat surprised as he didn’t strike me as religious. I replied that I was a Catholic, but didn’t go to church very often. He then proceeded to reach into his jacket pocket and pull out a layout that I had done in a bikini bottom and no top, arms across my breasts. He stood up holding the picture and yelled, “Look everyone I’m with a slut! Who wants a piece of her after me?” I was mortified, not about the picture, but his yelling. I stood up slapped him and walked out, but he followed me through the restaurant still yelling, “Wanna see her tits? I’m sure she’ll show them to you.” I was so mad and embarrassed, but then another gentleman stood up between us, put an arm out to stop my date from following me and allowed me to go.
As I stood outside waiting for a taxi he came out still calling me a slut and a whore. By now a crowd was gathering from both inside and outside the restaurant, with several people trying to push him away from me while he kept waiving the picture and yelling. I got a cab and cried all the way back to my apartment. After being home for about 10 minutes I could hear him outside still ranting, I called the police and while waiting for them to arrive I called my “friend” and told her what happened and let her hear her brother yelling. The police came, quieted him down and made him leave with no arrest. The following day I received a large bouquet of roses delivered with a card from him saying he was sorry and asking if he could he see me again. Apparently after showing my layout to his friends they told him he was an idiot and was lucky to be going out with a bathing suit model.
He said he reconsidered and if that’s what made me happy he could live with that. I didn’t reply and his sister called to tell me that he called her, not knowing she knew what happened and told her that the date went “very well” and he thought there was chemistry between us. She told him that she spoke to me and I didn’t feel the same chemistry and that he shouldn’t call me again. I never did hear from him again and unfortunately his sister and I don’t talk anymore either, I think she’s a bit embarrassed and I don’t want to risk seeing him with her.
A few years ago I met this guy online, we’ll call him “Mike.” Mike and I had been talking for about two years online and on the phone before we met and he showed no signs of weirdness. We finally decided to meet up at my local mall. The second I saw him walk up I immediately wanted out. He was probably the palest, skinniest person I had ever seen and he was wearing a black trench coat in July and black platform boots. He said he was 6 feet tall, but I’m only 5’8″ and he still wasn’t taller than me, even with those horrid boots. After we walked around for awhile, he walked up to a mirror that was on the wall, took out a 4″ knife and started shaving his face with it.
We continue our stroll and he decided it was appropriate to grab me by the shoulders and lick my cheek. I have no idea what was going on in his head that made him think it was okay to do that. Then he said he was hungry, so he got a pretzel and we sat down at a table. While he was eating he grabbed my hands and got butter and pretzel salt all over them. Finally, I suggested a movie. It was a definite “boy” movie, with lots of action and guns and I figured I could slip out during it and get the hell out of there. While we were watching the previews I felt something on my chest. I looked down and he was grabbing my left boob. It’s not like we were making out or something, we were just sitting there! I pushed him away and excused myself to the restroom and never went back. I’m just glad I made it out alive.
I met a cute firefighter and we arranged a date for a Thursday night since it was one of his days off. The date was for a 6:30 p.m. dinner. However, at 6:00 p.m., I got a message from him saying he was running late since there had been a fire and that he would be there at 7:30 p.m. since he had to clean up. I figured that was acceptable since he was, after all, a firefighter. And even though he ended up knocking on my door at 8 p.m. instead, I let it slide thinking he had just done fighting an unexpected fire on his day off.
Once he picked me up it became clear that he had no actual plans for where we were going to have dinner, and began driving around saying we would “find something soon.” Getting slightly annoyed since I was hungry and that he clearly hadn’t put any thought into the date, I told him to just go to this restaurant and bar near my house. When we got there he told me he was starving since he’d been at the beach all day. I was confused and asked what he meant since I thought he was putting out a fire. He laughed and proceeded to tell me a “funny” story about how he and his friends set a porta potty on fire to see if he could put it out. This was the fire that made him late for our date.
I was naturally annoyed and decided to forgo ordering dinner in the hopes he would get the point and I could go home. Instead, he was oblivious and ordered four drinks and ate a whole meal while I sat and watched. He also talked about how he has four days off a week and went on a lot of dates, implying that he was very sexually experienced. Apparently he thought this would impress me and he seemed genuinely shocked when I told him I would not be sleeping with him.
When we got out to the parking lot, I questioned his ability to drive, but he assured me he was fine because he had “driven after way more drinks that this” and that he knew all the cops anyway and wouldn’t be cited. After arguing with him, I eventually gave up and let him drive me home and I never heard from him again.
A few years ago I was set up with this guy through my brother’s girlfriend to be his “date” for some fraternity event he had. I had never met him before, but he was a friend of my brother’s girlfriend’s, so I figured it wouldn’t be too bad. She was also going and promised me if it was lame we could ditch out early. He seemed like a pretty cool guy and we had a lot of fun that night. He was the president of the fraternity at the time and we were supposed to go to a baseball game, but somehow that fell through, so we ended up partying at the house all night. He got my phone number at the end of the night and called me a few days later and asked me out on a date that Friday.
He was from out of state and he told me his parents wouldn’t let him drive his car to college, so I would have to pick him up. I was getting ready for our date when he texts me 20 minutes before I’m supposed to pick him up and told me he had forgotten about our date and that he would need more time to get ready. I wait about 45 minutes and then call him to tell him I’m on my way. I got to his house and had to waited another 10 minutes in the parking lot because he was watching the movie Fight Club and his favorite scene was coming up and he didn’t want to miss it.
We went to dinner and even though I was a little annoyed, we seemed to hit it off. I ordered an alcoholic beverage at dinner and when he didn’t, I found out it was because he was 20. I was 22 at the time and had no idea he was younger than me. Since we couldn’t go out to the bars after, we went back to my house and had people over. He ended up taking about three or four shots in about a span of an hour, I’m guessing to impress my friends. I had decided to be the sober driver that night and as I was taking him home, he puked all over the front seat of my car. Not only did he refuse to clean it up, but he tried to kiss me goodbye and asked if I wanted to stay the night . He called and left a voicemail the next day apologizing and telling me he normally doesn’t drink and offered to pay to get my car cleaned. I texted him back a few days later telling him we should just be friends. He apparently told his fraternity brothers that we hooked up, and failed to mention him puking in my car.
I joined a dating website and within a few days received some emails from a fellow student at my university. We emailed for awhile—not a word was said about actually meeting—until I received a phone call one day. I let it go to voicemail. Turns out it was from him, inviting me to his apartment for dinner that night. I was confused (we hadn’t exchanged phone numbers yet) and texted back that I was busy and we should try again later.
Later that week, I invited him to go hiking with me and a group of friends from my apartment complex. When he showed up, he barely even spoke to me before chatting it up with my roommate. As we split into groups to drive to the base of the hike, he volunteered to drive his own car instead of riding with me. Throughout the hike, he kept pace with my roommate, leaving me following in a group about 50 feet behind. One of my guy friends (who I actually had a crush on at the time) asked who he was, thinking he was my roommate’s friend. I was more than a little embarrassed to admit that I was the one to invite him. When we got back to the bottom of the hike, he immediately drove off, leaving us to fit into one less car.
I never heard from him again—or he never tried to talk to me again. After that, he would randomly show up at my apartment to see my roommate, walking around outside until she came home or he got bored. Even when she started dating someone, he’d still show up. Luckily, she moved out, and I didn’t see him for awhile. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when an acquaintance introduced me to her fiance a year later. It was him. He pretended he didn’t recognize me and that was that. At least I found satisfaction in the fact that, by then, I had a fiance of my own.
How did he get my phone number? From the campus directory, which is only open to select individuals and is dubbed the “stalkernet” by fellow students. Wow.
My Very Worst Date happened when I was in the first year at university, so only 18, and rather naïve and less cynical than I am now. I also was in the habit of regularly snogging random guys at a really awful nightclub, and then agreeing to go on a date with them. Unsurprisingly, none of these guys were particularly suitable, but generally the dates weren’t too bad, apart from this one.
We arranged to meet at Covent Garden tube station in central London. As we were walking down to a bar, we “happened” to bump into a couple of his mates, who were going to the Walkabout bar nearby. We chatted for a little while, but this mainly consisted of his mates being rather nasty to me because of the way I speak (because of where I grew up, I am fairly well spoken, he and his mates were fairly cockney-ish), and telling me that I must be rather stuck up because of this. Hmm. For some reason, this didn’t throw up any red flags (I since realised you can tell a lot about a person from their friends!)
Well, we walked down to the bar (a couple of doors down from the Walkabout where his friends were headed). He bought me a drink and we sat down and started chatting. Pretty much the entire conversation was him telling me how much he’s spent on his jeans, his trainers, his shirt etc. Funnily enough, this didn’t really do it for me, but I’m polite, so I nodded along and tried to look impressed, making a mental note to go on less dates with random guys. As we were coming to the end of our drinks, he said he needed to get some more cash, gave me a long kiss, and excused himself to go to the ATM. I waited in the bar, but got concerned as around ten or fifteen minutes went by, as there was a cash machine just opposite.
I figured I’d pop out to look for him, but he was nowhere in sight, so I headed home. I was moderately concerned about him, as I knew people who’d been mugged in the area, so when I got home, I sent him a text to check he was OK, not mentioning anything about meeting up again, as I didn’t really want to! I got a reply saying “I thought you would have got the message I wasn’t interested, please f*** off”, and then shortly after, a rather abusive voice mail from him and his friends. Not sure why he couldn’t have said he wasn’t interested at the bar, especially as I wasn’t interested in him either.
Although I still snogged random guys in awful clubs, needless to say, I didn’t go on any more dates with them!
Like a lot of people my age (20), I am on Facebook. One of the “referred friends” was a guy I knew from elementary school. So I added him.
I’m a night owl and one night at 3 a.m., he came online and told me that he really needed someone to talk to. I was fine with that and then he said he really wanted it to be in person. I shrugged it off and said okay. We agreed on coffee, and seeing as I don’t drive, he agreed to come to my end of town.
He picked me up and then started driving in a different direction. He said he needed to get gas first and there is this one place that is cheaper then the rest, so we went there. Then he said he wanted to show me his favorite place in town. I agreed, figuring maybe a park or something, but not too suspicious of him until he started driving out of the city, when he said he wanted to take me out to this camp that he used to be in as a teen. I had heard of it, but had never been to it, and from the way he talked about it, it sounded like it was close. It wasn’t.
On the drive out there, his driving seemed to be a little off. He was speeding and swerving a lot. Go figure, he was drunk. He kept going on about all these family problems, and when I talked a bit the one time, his attention was so fixated on me that he almost rolled the truck in a ditch. Apparently he really liked me and figured this was a date. We finally got there and there were no lights anywhere.
We walked down this long path, in which he was constantly bumping into me, until we got near the lake. There were coyotes out and he informed me that he was afraid of them, maybe this was his excuse to start getting really close to me. They didn’t bother me at all, but when their howls started to sound really close, he decided we should leave. To my relief. On the way back into town, he kept his arm around my shoulders, pulling me in closer to him all the time, while swerving on the road, speeding and, as it was now 7 a.m., falling asleep.
He dropped me off, I was polite and said goodnight, but then I blocked him and haven’t talked to him since.
