This is MVW dating story with a twist. I’ll preface my tale by saying that during this particular time, I was new to Orange County, CA, had just gotten out of a horrible relationship, and was bouncing around from temp job to temp job. Needless to say, my self- confidence had taken a bit of a nosedive.

During one of my stints as a temp at a fairly large corporation, I met “C”, a very nice-looking, intelligent and funny guy that worked as an engineer there.  A small group of co-workers I was friendly with would do the occasional happy hour and during one such get- together, “C” and I really hit it off. At work a few days later, I casually mentioned to “C” that I enjoy hiking but just couldn’t seem to find any great trails in Southern California. He perked up and said he knew of a great place and asked if I’d like to accompany him on a hike that Saturday, then dinner at a casual, but very highly recommended Mexican restaurant (He chose a Mexican restaurant because I am of Mexican descent, which was very sweet of him). We agreed to meet at an outdoor mall then drive in C’s car to the trailhead. I arrived first and realized how nervous I was as my palms were very sweaty, even in mild weather.

So, “C” finally arrived and I got in his car and as we drove, I kept taking sips of water out of sheer nervousness and our conversation consisted of him asking a lot of questions and me giving sullen one word answers. At one point I even got testy and asked why he was “interrogating” me!  As if that wasn’t bad enough, 15 minutes into our hike, all that water I’d drank in the car was trying to make a swift exit.

Without telling him anything I ran behind the nearest tree (which was out in the open!) and started evacuating my bladder.  He, of course, came looking for me behind the tree and likely got an eyeful of my bare ass and urine stream. He said “OH!  Sorry, I didn’t know where you went!” which startles me into a fit of flatulence. Horrified with myself, I gather up what’s left of my dignity and continue the hike. “C” again tries engaging me in conversation and it’s obvious he’s throwing out all sorts of conversation topics to see if he can find one that sticks. I of course, am completely embarrassed and apologize for being quiet. “C” was gracious enough to tell me everything was okay and not to worry.

I wasn’t surprised when we arrived back at my car and he said that we were too late in coming back from the hike so he didn’t have time to eat at that point, (especially to a Mexican restaurant after hearing what I’d done earlier!) so we went our separate ways.

As one could imagine, getting back to work on Monday was awkward as he was barely able to look me in the eye when speaking to me, but he was still courteous and polite. I phoned my agency that afternoon and had them switch my assignment. I never saw him after that, but I do hope he found someone every bit as wonderful as he is because he really was a great guy.

I was introduced to my date by a mutual friend.  After a few months of talking, we decided to go on a hike in a nearby state park as our first date.  I guess I’ll enumerate all the things that went wrong, which on their own wouldn’t be so bad, but combined made for a disaster (in my mind).

1) We got stuck in horrible traffic (2 hours’ worth) getting to the trailhead, which was already an hour’s drive from where we lived.

2) We had to drive on some curvy roads to get to our destination.  I got horribly car sick and we had to stop every few miles for me to vomit up my breakfast…

3) Even though I was a seasoned hiker and knew better, I wanted to look “hot” so I wore super tight black pants and a tight black blouse.  In the desert. In the summer. So instead of looking sexy, I was sporting some nasty B.O., very visible sweat stains under my boobs, and foundation and mascara melting off my face.

4) I discovered a stash of really really nasty porn in the back seat of his car.  Um, wouldn’t you at least try to hide that kind of thing on your first date?

5) I saw a “Native American heritage” trail listed on our map and was convinced it was a hike I’d taken before and had seen some cool petroglyphs and stuff on.  I hyped it up the entire day.  Then we went on the broiling 5-mile hike and it turned out there were only a few scritch scratch marks high up on a canyon wall.  Guess I remembered wrong!

6) On the way back over the curvy mountain pass 14 hours later, my date got distracted talking to me and we nearly careened off the edge of a cliff.  And then I puked again, this time *in* the car.

This was one of my worst dates but it was also the best. In the insanely long traffic jam, we got to talking and discovered we had a lot in common. On my puking spree, my date wasn’t  fazed at all and kindly held my hair for me. Although my pants were so tight I couldn’t lift my leg to climb over a boulder, he was very chivalrous and lifted or pulled me over every obstacle on the trail (let me remind you that I was pretty rank at that point, too). It turned out his hoopty had broken down the day before and the car was borrowed from a friend who is a pornaholic. And as for the nearly getting hurled off a cliff and walking five miles through the desert for nothing….well, it makes for a good story.

In the end, we went on many more dates and now we are engaged.  My really bad memory and Mary Katherine Gallagher brand of sexy and his general bumbling have become common (and comical) themes in our relationship. We were lucky that our chemistry was enough to overcome a series of unfortunate events. And it ended up making for a sweet story that I got to share with you!

I joined a dating website and within a few days received some emails from a fellow student at my university. We emailed for awhile—not a word was said about actually meeting—until I received a phone call one day. I let it go to voicemail. Turns out it was from him, inviting me to his apartment for dinner that night. I was confused (we hadn’t exchanged phone numbers yet) and texted back that I was busy and we should try again later.

Later that week, I invited him to go hiking with me and a group of friends from my apartment complex. When he showed up, he barely even spoke to me before chatting it up with my roommate. As we split into groups to drive to the base of the hike, he volunteered to drive his own car instead of riding with me. Throughout the hike, he kept pace with my roommate, leaving me following in a group about 50 feet behind. One of my guy friends (who I actually had a crush on at the time) asked who he was, thinking he was my roommate’s friend. I was more than a little embarrassed to admit that I was the one to invite him. When we got back to the bottom of the hike, he immediately drove off, leaving us to fit into one less car.

I never heard from him again—or he never tried to talk to me again. After that, he would randomly show up at my apartment to see my roommate, walking around outside until she came home or he got bored. Even when she started dating someone, he’d still show up. Luckily, she moved out, and I didn’t see him for awhile. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when an acquaintance introduced me to her fiance a year later. It was him. He pretended he didn’t recognize me and that was that. At least I found satisfaction in the fact that, by then, I had a fiance of my own.

How did he get my phone number? From the campus directory, which is only open to select individuals and is dubbed the “stalkernet” by fellow students. Wow.